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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Feel so let down after miscarriage

6 replies

Reezle2603 · 18/07/2017 23:39

I'm new to netmums - I only really looked properly on hear after suffering a miscarriage - sorry, I'm not sure what all the correct abbreviations are.

I got a positive pregnancy test about 3 weeks ago - my husband was working offshore abroad so I had to wait until he had a window to call me to tell him the news. We've been trying for over 18 months and this would be my first ever pregnancy at 35.
I was a little scared (a lot) as although we were trying, I have an inheritafws condition that could make later pregnancy and delivery a bit riskier (this condition does not increase miscarriage risk) so I had called the doctors to let them know I was pregnant and was told to contact midwife. I left numerous messages over the course of a week but no one called me back so called my docs again and.they gave me an appointment a week later just to have a chat. The day before my docs appointment, a Sunday, I had a little spotting - I wasnt too worried as I had looked up that.rgis was normal - by Monday morning I had a little tummy ache bit nothing bad. I mentioned all this too my doctors who said I needed to keep trying the midwife but it was probably nothing to worry about. She didn't do much else bit tale my BP. I then kept trying.the midwife and finally got a hold of one who said her area was too busy and her first appointment would be in over 3 weeks - I was bang on 9 weeks at this point. I said I was a little nervous to wait that long - all sorts of things had been happening to my body plus the tiredness. - I just wanted a little reassurance. she offered me an appointment with the next closest midwife who is 25 miles away but I took it as it was later that week. I told her about the spotting and she said we don't deal with that and gave me a number for the early pregnancy unit unit.the local hospital. I called them and was told to come in the next day for a chat and check up. still feeling generally ok and no major bleeding this seemed reasonably to me.
I went the next morning and was bleeding a little more by this point so a bit more nervous. After filling out the form I was taken to an examsm room and told They were going to do a scan. No questions or anything - just straight to it. then they did an internal scan. I've never had any scans before and was by myself as my husband was still away. One of the people - they didn't introduce themselves - told me the embryo wasn't measuring as it should but as my dates could be wrong I needed to come back in two weeks for then to recheck and see if it was developing and if not they would discuss some options with me. I think there were two doctors or midwives and a nurse. I was shocked as I was not prepared to be told I might lose the baby. I started to cry and the two doctors left the room while the nurse handed me a tissue. I felt a bit abandoned but tried to remember all the words they had used. I then went back to work as I was still.sort of thinking everything was ok but then I started bleeding heavier. I went home. the into said to call back only if the bleeding got so bad I was soaking through a pad an hour which I was not. Then by that evening the pain started - it was agonising - in my back, my tummy, down my arms. I took paracetamol, I had hot water bottles - it was awful and I was by myself - i live in ten country side, my mother lives over 4 hours and 3 bus rides away and my mother on law was on holiday. A friend came over to stay but she doesn't have children so neither of is knee what to expect. No where tells you about the pain!! Btw next day, I was able to call my doctor and she prescribed some codeine and said, yes, it sounds like a miscarriage - what did the epu say? call back if bleeding gets bad otherwise we will see you in two weeks. the next day the pain subsided and when I went to the loo, the embryo/sac/pregnancy tissue came away. I felt a lot better on Saturday and my husband got home on the Sunday. I have phoned the epu to see if O can come back in for the scan sooner, seeing as I have def had a miscarriage and I've been told that no, I need to wait until my appointment which is still à week away. I've stopped bleeding now and I just want to put this past me. I really feel that the epu just sent me on my way to deal with it all myself, they knew my husband was away. They didn't want how bad it could be or what I should do with anything that came out - I flushed it - I was in a lot of shock. Is this normal from an epu? no one had called me to see if I'm ok and to be .honest I'm not. I am seriously reconsidering whether I want to try and get pregnant again - this hurt so much. physically and emotionally and none of the healthcare professionals seemed to care. I dont think I coukd face this again and it's not even over. Is it normal for a midwife to be so busy she can't see you, even with a potentially risky pregnancy? Maybe I didn't push enough for help? The epu said not to call unless the bleeding got really bad. I'm sorry this is so long winded but I have kept a lot in the last few days. My husband had been great but he doesn't really get it. she is sad that this pregnancy isn't happening but he doesn't feel he's lost a baby as he only sees it as a bunch of cells. I feel betrayed by my body - it's job was to grow s baby and it hasn't.

OP posts:
user1471543312 · 19/07/2017 13:49

Hi
I am so sorry to hear of your loss and it sounds like an already horrible situation has been made worse by the lack of communication and uncaring attitudes. I had a miscarriage just over 6 weeks ago at 13 + weeks. I found that some professionals are very blasé about it - it's their job and they forget it's your baby, and having to go back to EPU to check for retained products ( horrible expression!) nearly broke me. I would like to try again but am nervous however my desire for a baby overtakes my nerves. I will be different if I ever get pregnant again as I now know how devastating a miscarriage can be however the potential joy of a baby is worth the risk. Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself. I saw the bereavement midwife and she was brilliant. Ask if there is one in your area it has really helped. Sending you every good wish

BatmansPrettierSidekick · 19/07/2017 15:56

So sorry for you loss op Flowers

I've had a miscarriage recently and sadly yes your experience with EPU and midwife seems to be typical. It's the most painful and traumatic experience I have ever had, emotionally and physically.

I felt that the aftercare was very poor, particularly as this was the first miscarriage I'd had. Midwife wasn't available so I called EPU and they wanted me to go via A&E!! I was in so much pain and felt very alone. There was a rubbish leaflet handed to me and that was pretty much it. I ended up in A&E on morphine but EPU made the process sooo much more traumatic than it needed to be.

You will come out the other side though it will take a little time. Be kind to your self, rest and ask the doctor for some time off work if you need it.

There is a trying to conceive after miscarriage thread that might help. It's under Conception

The Miscarriage Association website has some information on if you need to call anyone to talk through how you're feeling.

Hugs x x

ForeverHopeful21 · 19/07/2017 16:59

I'm so sorry to hear about your experience OP, especially going through it all alone without your husband.

Unfortunately I had an awful A&E experience during my miscarriage, and after writing a post on Mumsnet, I found that many others had gone through similar.

My husband made an official complaint through PALS on my behalf as I was literally traumatised by the experience. We did receive an apology. This will never make up for what happened that day, however, I do feel glad for complaining as hopefully they will handle things differently for women in the future ...that's what I tell myself anyway.

Miscarriage is awful. It'll take time to heal so as others have said - be kind to yourself xxx

BatmansPrettierSidekick · 20/07/2017 23:28

How are you OP? Flowers

Reezle2603 · 14/08/2017 16:24

hi everyone - thank you for the messages of support. I'm feeling a lot better about things but still have meltdowns. it feels like everyone expects you to be 'over it' by now and I'm not. My dh is keen to start trying as soon as and I just can't get into that mindset yet. I'm hoping that is normal? thank you again for all the words of support - it's shocking how many people had a similar experience with the healthcare professionals. x

OP posts:
K0013 · 14/08/2017 18:20

Hi Reezle, I'm glad you are feeling a bit better. It is completely normal to not be in that mindset yet. One minute I think I'm desperate to try again and the next I 'chicken' out as I don't know if I'm strong enough to cope with the worry of having another mc. Take your time and do what feels right for you. xx

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