Do you still think about your loss

[poppp]

I had a missed miscarriage at 13 weeks back in Jan 2016, the sonographer was extremely blunt and cold when she broke the news, I was then handed a leaflet and shown the door. I then had to go into hospital because I had a haemorrhage. I had a few days off when I was out of hospital and then had to go into work in a small office with 4 pregnant ladies- I think it really affected me.

I was lucky enough to quickly get pregnant and now have my beautiful DD. I feel stupid feeling sad because there are people who suffer far worse but I just can't shake the sadness around it. One part of me feels that if that didn't happen I wouldn't have DD but the other part of me thinks that makes it even worse because it was a beautiful baby just like DD.

It's a year of the due date tomorrow and I'm finding it really hard. Does this get better? I'm sorry if my post offends anyone because some people sadly go through much worse and have a stillborn or their babies die young or they are still suffering with infertility after a loss and I don't know how they cope.

Hi, I had 2 consecutive mc's last year also, 9 years ago I lost a twin but have a 9 year old from that pregnancy and 11 years ago my twin sons were still born at 22 weeks.

I think the grieving process is long and drawn out and everyone learns to live with it at different rates.
What I've learned over the last 11 years is 1. You never get over it and 2. It IS something you learn to live with.
It gets easier but it never goes away and at times I find myself a blubbering wreck thinking of my children that could have been. I think this is natural and human.

Sorry for your loss sweet, I hope you find peace soon x

Hi,

Just read your post and I could've written it myself. I had a miscarriage in Jan 16 and due date would have been tomorrow. I also have gone on to have a beautiful DS and I know exactly what you mean about feeling silly for being sad but feeling sad because of what could've been. Proper mixed emotions. I think we should let ourselves grieve though and not feed bad - miscarriage is massive. Lots of hugs and keep talking. I'll keep you company tomorrow xx

I had a mmc five years ago and I was just thinking about who he/she was supposed to be today.

I had a vanishing twin who stopped growing at 7 weeks. The other twin is fine and she's here with us and is now 3 years old. I often think of twin two and wonder what it would have been. Not sure yet if I will tell my DD she was a twin when she's older.

Thank you all for your kind messages, it really means a lot. I'm so sorry to hear of all your losses.

@purpleviolet1 thank you for your kind words thinking of you today too xx

I had a mc at around 7 weeks a few years back and was, of course, devastated. For me personally the only way of coping was to get pregnant again immediately which I did and DS will be 3 next month. I've since gone on to have DD as well who is 5 months. I do occasionally think about it on my due date but if I'm honest I don't dwell on it a lot as I now have 2 beautiful healthy children and I guess I'm quite a practical, stoic kind of person. Time is definitely a healer but it's also healthy to grieve.

Thinking of you too

Feel free to talk if you would like to. I was 11 weeks when I was admitted into hospital for urosepsis. I was so worried about the baby and we had to decide whether to use the most effective antibiotics which may have affected the babies hearing. It was a tough decision but we decided to go ahead as the infection had been rumbling on for 3 weeks already and was only getting worse. I was sent for a scan on my kidneys on what should have been 12 weeks. They kindly offered to check in on the baby (my official 12 week scan was a few days later) but sadly the heartbeat had already stopped.

I am so sorry to hear about all of your losses x

I lost my son at 20 weeks - he would have been two last month if he had lived. I think about him every day then on a special occasion like Mother's Day, Christmas, Birthdays and so on, I always imagine what he would be doing now and my heart aches. I know that I will never get over losing him but yes, I have learnt to live with it and try to live the best way I can - I am probably more spontaneous these days. I had fertility issues too, he would have been my third child and sadly I will never have anymore children now (though I am very grateful for the two dd's that I do have). Every year on what would have been his due date/birthday I release a helium balloon, quietly and contemplatively. I grieve alone and never really talk about him these days to anyone though I do write a lot which helps - and forums and threads such as these help as well x

I had a miscarriage at 7 weeks between dd and ds. I cannot say I think about it. Just not terribly sentimental, I guess. It is nature's way.

monkeytree

I've had 6 m/c over the years, and I deliberately didn't record the dates or due dates. It's now been over 10 years since the last one.
What has helped me, is to acknowledge that an m/c is an awful thing, and grieve for what might have been, but accept that it's just one of those things. So not my or anyone's fault. Then concentrate on the present and the future. I do think I am over them.

I am exactly the same. I had a mmc discovered at 12 weeks over 2 years ago, followed by another mmc 6 months later. They were my first and second pregnancies and at the time I was in despair thinking I'd never have a baby. I have since had a gorgeous little boy who has made me beyond happy but I still think of that first mmc nearly every day.

I've wondered why I still feel sad and like you feel guilty as I know people have it much worse and I have my lo now. Thing is, it was the saddest thing that's ever happened to me so I suppose it's normal that I should still think about it. I also found the whole overall experience of having a baby filled with anxiety as a result of the miscarriages and so that contributes to the sadness.

I try not to dwell on my sad thoughts. I acknowledge them internally and then try and think of the positives. I suppose that's all we can do.

Yes I do. I had multiple MC's for three years and still grieve for the lives that were lost. (Although none ever got past 12 weeks). One would have been the same age as Princess Charlotte so that was hard seeing her growing. I remembered all the dates at first and wanted to remember them (especially those whose HB's we'd seen/heard). DH didn't though and although we both still feel a great sadness we'll never be parents, it has got a little easier with time.

Apart from when in-laws/friends who come round full of their pregnancies and rubbing their bellies oh fuck off

I'd like to move on & toughen up a bit, but there are occasional times when you become breathless with the unexpected grief that hits you. I really struggle with anxiety now and I think these were a trigger.

@Scrumptiousbears I had this too - scan at 7 weeks showed 2 heartbeats but at 12 week scan only 1. The other had stopped growing about 8 weeks.
DS has just turned 4 and I still think about his twin, and what could have been and it makes me sad and teary. I don't think I properly grieved the loss as I was still pregnant IYSWIM and I wonder if it is partially responsible for my PND.
I don't think you ever forget xxx

Yes, Arghhhhhh, my little boy would have been the same age as Princess Charlotte. I don't usually make the connection because she's a girl and he was a boy. But without doubt I have experienced post traumatic stress as a result of my loss and it was the icing on the cake in terms of instigating family estrangements. So, I had loss and more loss. Without a doubt it is the worse thing that has ever happened to me. Sometimes I still think - did that actually happen to me, it was so awful it couldn't have happened, could it? And then the whole devastating experience comes back to me. This past five years have been shitty. But the one thing I do now is make the most of things; plan nice things to do and take notice of the little things. Sorry ladies, so sorry you have gone through this x

I lost my first pregnancy (8 weeks) almost 20 years ago and I still think about it. But in all honesty this far on it is OK. Its a personal sadness that sits in me but doesnt affect my life negatively. I have two teenage sons and I feel sure that my first was a girl. I'll never know of course. I love my boys more than anything but never forget the one I lost.

I had a MC at 15 weeks this time last year. I then went back to work after the summer and honestly worked with the most fertile people ever. I was in three different locations over the course of each week and there was always someone pregnant, having a baby or coming back after maternity leave. It was awful. One week there were three babies (colleagues and friends) born on three consecutive days.
I am now pregnant again and am getting over the MC but it's this pregnancy that has made me recover. If I still wasn't pregnant I'd be devastated still.
I try not to think about the first little baby and concentrate on this one

I had a miscarriage in 2011, my DChild was born on the first anniversary of that miscarriage.

"Remembering you is easy, I do it every day, but the pain of losing you never goes away".