How did you save your relationship after miscarriage?

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It's eight weeks since I miscarried at 11 weeks. The miscarriage itself was very traumatic, I almost died after hemorrhaging.

I've been going through depression and anxiety ever since. Barely a day has gone by where I haven't ended up being in floods of tears. I've blamed myself a lot even though I know it was nobody's fault. It's made me turn quite self deprecating, I can't really look in the mirror anymore because I'm so disgusted with myself. I've also felt suicidal.

I am at the start of counselling sessions so have reached out for professional help however I feel my relationship with DP has suffered greatly.

He's tried his absolute best to support me but nothing has been the same since and I'm worried it never will be again. How did you save yours following a miscarriage? Is it normal to feel slightly disassociated from your OH and not want to be as close to them? I've pushed him away a lot which can't be easy for him... I love him and desperately don't want to lose him.

I had two MC but not your level of trauma. Give it all time. Keep talking and don't shirk from communicating however painful. My DD nearly died having their DS and she also attended counselling which helped and they talked a lot. You're dealing with bereavement on top of trauma. Be kind to yourselves and keep communicating.

It's been 10 days since I miscarried at 14 weeks. It's utterly devastating.

My husband doesn't want anymore kids and whilst I adore him and he's my rock, I worry greatly that my desperate need for another baby and his absolute no is going to affect our relationship.

I feel for you OP. I too have opted for counselling.

Sounds like you need that counselling op, sounds like you have ptsd from it.

I've had multiple miscarriages and my relationship has never been under stress because of them.

Yeah I started a separate thread in relationships about that exact thing... I desperately want to TTC in a few months time once I'm feeling emotionally better but DP wants to wait for a couple of years at least and whilst his points are valid (this pregnancy was completely unplanned and not at the most perfect time ever but still very much wanted), I'm desperate to TTC again as soon as I'm emotionally viable to do so. In fact, I don't currently feel as though I can heal fully without a date to look forward to starting to try again .

That's exactly how I feel mousevoid.

It's like it's making the pain worse.

I'm so sorry OP.
I know a lot of relationships that suffer after MC, I think this is completely understandable as it's such a sad, stressful and for you a very traumatising time. It'll take a while for things to feel more 'normal'.

The main reason I would argue with my DH after MC was because I felt that he didn't understand and didn't care. He did care, but he just dealt with things very differently. We also didn't agree on everything and at the time this was so hurtful, but looking back, that was ok as we are two different people who have different thoughts and feelings and it's only now that I understand that.
Keep communication open, try and be understanding of each others feelings (even if they aren't the same).

After my MC I told my DH that I didn't want to try again. 4 months later and in a much better place, I now know that I do want to try again. Stressful situations like this can put people off trying, but once things settle down and heal, maybe he'll have a different opinion on the matter. I think the main thing is that you get yourself in a better place.
Hugs x

Like foreverhopeful , I had to accept that my husband feels things differently to me. He didn't have the same depth of feeling I had (I think). He did care but not as much as me. But we both knew and acknowledged this.
He was also concerned about me so some of his emotional energy was expended on me, whereas all my emotional energy was about the baby.

Counseling might be helpful for you, I think it might be a burden on your partner to listen to the same things over and over when he actually can't do anything to change what's happened. I don't mean you shouldn't talk about it as much as you want, but you might need to talk about it more than he does.

My husband supported me the whole way through though, but in his own way and I accepted the support that he was able to give.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope things get better for you. I know right now everything probably seems black and empty and hopeless but it won't seem like that for ever. I know that's not helpful right now though xxx