I need help

[Presh1234]

So I found out yesterday the wee heart stopped at 7w4d. I now have to decide whether to let it all occur naturally or to go for a D&C. We can't get the tablets here. I have read all sorts online and naturally
Sounds horrific however the thought of being under a general anaethestic scares me so much. Doc has said medically, naturally is better but personally, after having gone through both, D&C was better for her.
I really don't know. I'm so scared.

I am so sorry for your loss. It is a awful decision for you to have to make. Personally I let it happen naturally. For me it was part of the process. It was painful but not unbearable and it was quite quick. I hope you have some RL support.

I mc naturally at home. Passed a completely intact feotus and sac. Felt quite therapeutic to have the chance to say hello and goodbye.

Had actual contractions and a urge to push. Then the pain and bleeding reduced straight away. . Don't be scared to ring me or hospital if you aren't coping at home.
Sorry for your loss. .

I went for D&C twice.
I had friends who waited for weeks to miscarry naturally and as i work in a ft/ client facing career I really couldn't be worrying about starting to miscarry at work.
The D&Cs were fine. The anaesthetic is pretty short and I felt fine afterwards with minimal pain. At my hospital they use ultrasound to make sure they don't damage the womb lining and I think that is something I would take into account in making this decision.

I've done naturally once and surgical twice. Surgical offers closure and was less painful but for me I needed to get it over, it had been 4 weeks already by the time I found out so I didn't want to wait indefinitely for it to happen naturally. Also didn't want to be caught short at work etc. (2 hour commute)

I am so sorry you are going through this. I have done it naturally 3 times. I spoke to a lot of people before I made my decision the first time as I really didn't want an op but the clinic were pushing for it. The people I spoke to said they preferred the op as they knew nothing about it, so it was less traumatic. However my gut instinct said that I would accept it better and recover faster mentally if I knew that the baby was gone, it didn't just vanish while I slept.I also felt that I would really struggle with making the decision to end my pregnancy. After a week of thinking and talking to people I gave in and signed up for the surgery with a heavy heart, then miscarried naturally before it could be carried out, to my great relief. It was not a fun experience but I did not lose dangerous amounts of blood, I was not in uncontrollable pain and I did not find it mentally traumatic. The trauma for me came from the fact that my baby had died and I had lost it. That was far worse for me than how it happened, although deciding to remove it would have been traumatic too. The next two times it was not a missed miscarriage, so I didn't have a choice and just got on with it.

One thing I would say is that there is a risk of haemmorage if you leave it too long. Almost as if your body is trying to flush the baby out because it is not moving on it's own. That is dangerous.

Best wishes for whatever decision you make.

Sorry you're going through this. I have had three surgical managements, at 8, 10 and 14 weeks. The first two were under local anaesthetic, sometimes called an MVA, and the third was under a GA. I was worried about having a general, but in reality it's a pretty light one and a very short procedure.

I did start bleeding a couple of days before my second procedure, but my cervix had closed up again after I passed the sac and there was still lots of tissue that needed to be removed.

I think for me, once I knew the foetus/baby has died, I needed the physical side to be over as soon as possible so that I could move on and concentrate on grieving and ttc-ing again. I'd also read too many stories about long drawn out unsuccessful natural or medically managed mcs that ended up requiring an ERPC anyway.

Good luck.

Ancient that's exactly like me. I know it has died, it isn't there and now I just want it out so I can draw a line and move on. I know how harsh that sounds. I'm highly anxious and a worrier anyway and hanging around wondering and waiting for a few weeks isn't going to help me. I'm just so scared of the GA. I know they are trained and it's their job and and and but it doesn't make it any easier. 😓

It really doesn't sound harsh, everyone deals with loss in their own way. Some women find it comforting to think of their losses as angels, or plant a tree, or commemorate it all in some way, some of us don't feel the need. My mcs will always be a very important part of me, but I hold them all inside, and that's enough.

I made peace with my early mmcs relatively easily, I think of them and am sad that I may never have another baby, but those babies were just never meant to be. The most recent loss is a bit tougher because we thought it was going ok before the anomalies were picked up.

Anyway, there is no right or wrong way to deal with it, you just get through it. It's bloody heartbreaking and awful and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I wish you strength, and hope you have better luck soon.

I had ERPC in March after having waited two weeks for it to happen naturally. It didn't, and I felt I allowed it to be dragged out unnecessarily, having already been bleeding for two weeks.
After the ERPC I felt much better straight away.

Fortunately I got pregnant after one period.
Unfortunately I've lost it again and this time I believe it has passed naturally, after a week of bleeding, two weeks non bleeding but blood tests twice/three times a week, and several internal scans.

If I am to get pregnant again and be unfortunate enough to miscarry again I would choose the ERPC as it's all done and dusted and you know at the end that it's all over.

Sorry OP, it's so fucking shit.
Do something nice for yourself; book a nice thing to look forward to, cinema, theatre, comedy show or just meal out.

I have been there three times OP and I bled out naturally twice and opted for D&C once as it was 12 weeks and I couldn't handle seeing it.

Are you bleeding at all already?

I opted for D&C and am going tomorrow morning. No bleeding or anything as yet. I have come to terms with the "no baby this time" and now I am filled with fear for the general anaethestic. I'm petrified. I was shaking and crying earlier when I was with the doctor.

Hope it all goes smoothly tomorrow @Presh, please try not to worry too much about the GA, it really is a very light one (I was terrified too, but would definitely opt for another of I'm unlucky enough to go through this again).

You might not read this in time but the d&c under general was pain free and the best thing I did. I had mine 2 weeks ago after a week of very heavy bleeding and this drew a line under the medical bit of it and allowed me to get on with the recovery part both physical and mental.

I'm really sorry you're going this and please be kind to yourself and give yourself some time. Physically you will be quicker to recover than mentally.

The general is really light one and it's over in no time.