Emotions after miscarriage?

[Tex111]

I had an ERPC two weeks ago. The symptoms from the procedure are getting better - much less bleeding and cramping. I'm having the same post-pregnancy symptoms I had with DS - hair loss, oily hair and skin, spots, etc.

The really difficult part is dealing with my emotions. I do have some feelings of sadness and loss but I think I'm dealing with that aspect OK. The problem is that I feel so incredibly hormonal, like really bad PMT. Poor DH is getting the worst of it. I've been so angry, irrational, teary and just felt totally homicidal. Could this still be the pregnancy hormones leaving my body? Is it possible to get post-natal depression after a miscarriage? I feel so frustrated because I'm doing my best to deal with the loss but I just can't seem to get a grip on my emotions. Anyone else felt like this?

Tex111, I have not experienced an ERPC, but might have to next week.

All I can offer you is an ear if you need it and recommend reading a few of the posts here that have helped me prepare for what I might have to endure.

Take care Love Cobweb xxx

Hi Tex111 - having not had any children I don't really know what PND is like. However, about 3 weeks after my 2 m/c's I completely lost it and felt quite low for a while afterwards. I know that it was in addition to coming to terms with the loss if that makes any sense! So, I assumed it was my hormones settling down. I had my last m/c just over 9 weeks ago and started to feel more myself about 3/4 weeks ago. Hugs

Forgot to mention I had fertility treatment which included an horrendous amount of drugs so that may be why I was like I was.

Tex, I am glad that I found your thread as I have been thinkng of you. I am so sorry that you are having a rough time. The plan was for you to have a speedy recovery (spotting for 2 days maximum). Why is real life so much harder than planned? I do think that what you are experiencing is completely normal. Your hormones are all over the place and you have suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Allow yourself to feel angry and sad and then forgive yourself. Remind your DH that you love him and need his support despite your PMS mood swings.
I seem to remember that it took me ages to actually grieve the loss of the baby when I had an ERPC in November because the experience itself was so traumatic but maybe that was just an excuse because this time I had a 'medical termination' (Details on mums-to-be-following m/c if you are interested) and I still feel confused and hormonal without actually properly 'grieving'. We are here if you need a safe place to vent some of your feelings.

Oops! Somehow I posted the pre-edited version of my message.
I meant to say that it does seem possible that pregnancy hormones are to blame as I believe they remain in your body for up to two weeks. As for the post-natal depression following a miscarriage--this also seems possible but you really need to be kinder to yourself. You have every reason to feel angry, irrational and teary. I can't honestly recommend homocide but virtual-homocide via mumsnet might be an option. Very weak attempt at humour. Forgive me.

Hi Tex111. I've never had an ERPC but I did have two early miscarriages last year. I know exactly what you mean about the anger etc - it took me by surprise. Maybe this thread might help you? Good luck - hope things improve soon and you are able to grieve (if you need to) and move on.

Tex111 - It sounds like grief. When I had my ectopic last year, I cried for months holding on to dp. That is how I coped. We all have to do this in out own way, and you have to deal with the pregnancy hormones leaving your body quite dramatically at a very early stage.

All I can say is, hopefully not sounding too patronising, is that don't forget that your Dh has lost his baby too, and you need to grieve together as, so he has 'permission' to feel the pain too.

Hope that makes sense. You will get through this...

That 'if you need to' isn't meant to sound heartless, by the way - but people do deal with things in different ways.

posts crossed smellymelly!

Thanks for your posts. Thinking about it now, I think it is grief that I'm experiencing. It's just not what I expected it to be. I guess I thought of grieving as being quiet and crying a lot, not shouting at everyone and cleaning the house at ninety miles an hour. Lord, my reaction is just what my mother would do when she was upset about something. Amazing that I didn't see it until now.

I rang the hospital on Friday and they gave me the details of the Miscarriage Association and have arranged for the counselor to ring me on Monday. I think it would be good to talk to someone and sort through my feelings.

DH and I spoke on Friday night and smoothed things out a bit. I think my frustration with him is that he seems so disengaged from it all, even from the pregnancy before the miscarriage. It's almost as if none of it has happened in his mind. Even at the hospital right after the ERPC he asked me if I could watch DS (who's not quite 2) while he went to get the car. I couldn't even stand up yet after the op. The nurse was shocked and said 'She certainly can not.' It's as if it's all just gone over his head.

I know that it might all be his way of grieving but I don't know how to deal with it when I'm feeling so emotional. It's just incredibly frustrating.

Tex111, you're doing all the right things - trying to sort out how you feel, talking to your dh etc. Hope the Miscarriage Association helps. Keep posting on here too if you want to. Thinking of you xxx

Tex,
whatever you're feeling right now is absolutely right and justified. Your body has gone through an incredible physical and emotional journey - and wherever that takes you is ok. I think with our partners - they don't grieve or show their feeings like we do and tend to keep things much more bottled up inside. I remember with my second m/c I had so much support and help from here that dh was very threatened and saddened that I turned to the net for help when I should have turned to him. Part of me agrees with that, but a woman just knows how I feel. Or felt rather. I never did go to the m/c association but know I should have done, we both should have.
You've also got to give yourself time - however long that might be. I hope that talking to a counsellor does help. You really do have to put yourself first. Look after yourself.

Canadiamom - how are you doing?

Tex, How are you doing? Thinking about you...

Hana, Thank you for asking although I am feeling almost in control until anyone ASKS and then I am a flood of tears... Being surrounded in sympathetic strangers is a bizarre form of torture--we live in student accomodation in central London and it feels more like a fish-bowl these days. I really just want to go home and put this whole nightmare behind me.
My children are an amazing source of strength as I NEED to keep up with the home-work, reading, violin practice, etc. etc. so that helps a lot.

Basically, I am a mess on the inside and all in control on the outside. Sounds very much like a mother doesn't it. My parents (horrible, horrible people) picked off the scab by pointing out that twins would have been more that we could manage at this point in our lives especially if we want to move back to Canada any time soon. Not a very nice feeling but I knew to expect as much.