Feeling like noone understands..

[LennonB]

Please bare with me as im new to this! I've just come through my third miscarriage in a year which has taken up three months of my life due to failing medical management of the miscarriage twice to then finally having a d&c which also failed to remove all the "product"!!

I've now finally got my first period since the miscarriage and I am still passing the retained product that was left and I am finding it incredibly difficult emotionally. It feels like everyone else has moved on and no one can quite understand why I am still upset because "a period means my body is back to normal now".. am I going crazy?!

I had blighted ovum twins so two sacs that never developed.. I also found out officially at 9 weeks so I feel like abit of a fraud for even grieving over babies that never were.. I know there's people out there who have it much worse..

I guess I'm just looking for someone to tell me I'm not going mad and it's normal to still be so upset over this!!

Hugs to you. It's perfectly normal to feel devastated. You may not be grieving for the foetuses per se, but you're allowed to grieve for the hopes you had which were shattered in that cycle.

I've found other people often act as though a loss or ailment that can be seen (a fractured arm) is much more salient than a loss or ailment that cannot be seen (a miscarriage, or MH issues for example). The people urging you to "move on" mean well, but don't let them hurry you along. You nurtured hopes and dreams and had to deal with them crumbling. It is painful, and you will need to grieve. And of course, yes you can try again, and getting a period is better than yet another inconclusive cycle etc, but these are but small comforts.

I'm sure others will be along with better advice soon as well. But let yourself heal at your own pace, you'll know what is right for you.

Thankyou

Exactly it's a strange feeling because until I had that scan which said the embryos had failed to develop in my head I was pregnant!

To me a period means nothing because the thought of trying again is absolutely horrifying I couldn't bare the thought of this happening a fourth time..

Hope you're getting good medical care. My local hospital has a special clinic for women with multiple losses to help counsel them.

Pregnancy loss seems like one of those final taboo topics that no one will talk about but it can make people experiencing it feel very lonely. Talking to others who've been through it IRL or online can be helpful!

Sands has some amazing resources which helped me in processing my loss. Also the forums here where there is a thread for women TTC after losses (if that is what you want to explore).