Feeling so angry - is this normal?

[curlingandtwirling]

Back in November last year I got my first ever BFP. After TTC for almost 8 years and giving up I hadn't even realised I was late. As it turns out I was 5+3. However, after the absolute joy, 3 days later, I was in EPU devastated.

I've been ok, obviously the early days were really awful, but myself and also DH have suddenly found ourselves extremely angry.

We are still actively TTC although I'm 43 and realise this was probably a one off event and will never happen again.

I am so angry and need to move on and accept it. I've felt various different feelings. At the beginning I was almost happy that we had actually got pregnant, thinking it might happen again, but 4 AF's later and now I've starting cramping I'm seething.

Is this normal to feel so fucking angry?

Yes. I am just going thru my 3rd miscarriage, almost made it to 7 weeks this time, not managed that since my first 2 years ago. Am 39 and losing hope. Feel so bitter and enraged at the world. I also work in the NHS in a deprived area and cannot imagine how I am going to go to work next week and deal with parents who seem to get pregnant at the drop of a hat, drink alcohol and take drugs through their pregnancy and then still get to keep these children- and then continue to mistreat them. Actually I probably won't go to work cos I will end up saying something unprofessional and getting the sack..also will now be going back to ignoring Facebook with all the pictures of babies and pregnancy announcements. It does get better but with each one the bitterness is lasting a bit longer. Will keep on trying though, am a bit overweight so am going to spend the next couple of months losing the extra pounds and getting fitter. Have a holiday booked in June so will try an look forward to that- at least I will be able to drink alcohol. Hope you are doing ok, it's normal to be angry, you need to let it out xx

thanks mellbell i know exactly what you mean. I've learnt to be happy for friends when they have babies. However, I've also deleted Facebook as I can't face it on a daily basis. There are lots of babies in my family and I love them all so much, but still, at the end of the day, when I'm home, it hurts that I don't have my own little family. I am just grateful I have such a wonderful understanding DH.
I hope work goes ok for you.
I'm going to follow your lead and start looking after myself. I've been comfort eating and realise I need to focus on something else. Summer is calling, so I'm going to try and lose some weight and become a healthier person.
Thank you for taking the time to reply

I think it is perfectly normal to feel angry curling. I'm so sorry for your loss, it must have been so hard after all that time.

mellbell, I know what it is like to lose hope. I always thought, if I could just get pregnant, and now I know that even getting pregnant isn't the answer because I can't stay pregnant. So sorry you are going through this again. Are you getting tested? After three they should refer you for testing.

I have just had two miscarriages, one at 10 weeks in November and then one at 8-9 weeks in March. After the first one I felt furious at the world. It took me four years and IVF to get pregnant, and it just seemed so utterly unfair. Then I got pregnant again - a miracle! - and then miscarried, again. I don't even have the energy to be angry any more, I just feel broken. I expect the rage will bubble up again soon though!

A lot of my anger ended up directed at my DH - he just wasn't as sad as I was (outwardly at least) and his way of coping was to try and do more fun stuff and try to enjoy life. I felt like it was too soon to just move on. We've managed to meet in the middle to support each other, and it's working well.

I think that trying to focus on the good stuff is all you can do. It isn't enough but it helps. I set myself projects - getting fit, decorating, making something, holidays, going to a class. I also force myself to socialise even when I don't feel like it, as it is almost always better than I expected once I get out.

Thinking of you both and hope it gets easier

I hope it's normal as my sobs turned to screams this morning. First pregnancy MMC so completely devastated.

So sorry you are going through this, but you are not alone x