Long how to pull myself together

[greylove]

I feel so heartbroken and alone baby was early stages 6 weeks we only told parents and it wasn't planned and it took me a week to stop panicking about having two under 2 and myDH finding work and studying at the same time how I was going go back to work and tell my boss As I work alone
And
Then I started feeling that bond the wondering about what the baby will be who it will become and the pure Joy they bring and the love and started thinking of names and double pram Ect

I have to pull myself together For Sunday it's my DD baptism day I can't cancel because My Dh Grandmother has gone arranged everything food cake wine the whole works which was so lovely as we couldn't afford to have the baptism as my DH was made redundant after 15 years and she kew how important it was too me for my DD to be Baptised and I don't want to upset her or be ungrateful or let anyone down

But I just don't know how not to feel so sad and lost putting on a front is the last thing I need or want to do as I am still cramping and bleeding heavily
And my poor husband has had to take exams and general trying to be sweet but in a man way ( got me large family size bar of chocolate like he use to do when we were trying for DD
it took 9 years to conceive every time we took a test and it was negative pregnancy and ovulation
And I know I am incredibly lucky to have my DD as Know how infertility feels but MC is a different kind of grief
How do I pull my emotions together?

Hi Grey
I am so sorry to hear about your loss x, it is devastating and accentuated I think by the infertility, miscarriage combination. I have 2 dc's now but was in a similar position in that if I'd not mc, I would have had two dc's under 2 and was thinking double buggy etc, it's awful thinking about it now and my loss was two years ago x. No real advice, only that I don't think you're going to be able to pull yourself together, more likely fake it (the joy bit) before collapsing in a heap at the end of the day. Sorry not very helpful but can you keep the whole thing as short as possible the get together afterwards I mean and make your excuses? If you really don't feel physically up to it can you delay for a few more months? For me the physical stuff healed fairly quickly compared to the emotional bit which is forever ongoing it seems.