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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

My baby was due today.

24 replies

sureitsgrand · 05/03/2017 19:40

That's it really. Mmc in August. Still trying to no avail. I feel so so sad today, dh doesn't understand and I don't feel I can bring it up with anyone else. In truth, I can't take anyone saying 'it wasn't meant to be' or 'it will happen soon' or 'at least you have ds'. I'm sad, for that little baby who was mine who I grew for 11 weeks and who I should be bringing into the world today. I just don't know what to do with myself.

OP posts:

Newtoday · 05/03/2017 19:43

I'm so sorry.

Let yourself feel whatever you need to feel. It's so incredibly sad, so so incredibly sad.

Take care of yourself.

Thingymaboob · 05/03/2017 19:44

Oh gosh, it's bloody awful isn't it? I'm so sorry! It's a horrible feeling. I knew I would feel like you so I have booked a long weekend away during my EDD. Don't think I would be able to cope! Are you sure DH wouldn't understand?

WhatIsWrongWithMePlease · 05/03/2017 19:45

Mine would have been due in 5 days time. I'm absolutely dreading it. I'm so sorry for your loss op.

gaaahhhh · 05/03/2017 19:46

That is very sad, and of course you feel upset. Its completely understandable. I think people either don't understand how emotionally painful it is, or just want to say something 'helpful' when really you just need a hug and to be allowed to be sad. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Luluringo · 05/03/2017 19:47

I'm so sorry for your loss. I just found out that I've had a miscarriage today. It's such a horrendous feeling but many people here have made me feel alot better. I honestly feel that talking is the best policy. I don't understand why miscarrage and pregnancy loss is kept so quiet.

Eminado · 05/03/2017 19:49

I am so sorry.
I completely understand.

Be kind to yourself.

SingaSong12 · 05/03/2017 19:51

So sorry

SuziePink · 05/03/2017 19:55

I'm sorry to hear you are feeling down. It's OK to feel sad and upset, sometimes accepting how you feel can help to deal with it, and grieving is a long process. I think it is worth trying to explain how you feel to your husband or if you think writing a note would be easier then you could try that. He might be hiding his grief. If you're unable to get the loss out of your head then it might be a good idea to get in contact with a charity that can offer support, ask your doctor to refer you for some counselling, or find a counsellor yourself.

daisydalrymple · 05/03/2017 19:59

sorry for your loss. I didn't understand how devastating a mc could be until I had an mmc myself. I already had ds1 and dd at the time and I'd got so excited imagining us as a family of 5, they really wanted another sibling and at 3&5 I think it would have been a lovely age gap.

And I hear you re the 'helpful' comments. People truly think they're saying the right thing but I wanted to punch my friend who cheerfully said don't worry it was just a bad egg.

On my due date I let a balloon up into the sky (then found out how bad that was for the environment on here and felt bad for that too...) and we all had some cake although the dcs didn't know why. I've taken a moment each year to do something similar. I also bought a decoration for the Christmas tree and that's the one that goes on first every year now. I went on to have ds2 two years later (same due date oddly enough) and he's an absolute joy. I wouldn't change him for the world. But I still felt a pang in September watching the mums at school who had another dc starting school when ours would have. Just because they're all the same age and their siblings are the same age as my older dcs and it was poignant. Then I look at my fireball 2 year old and love him with all my heart.

Be kind to yourself and see if you can plan something that may bring you some comfort. Very best wishes. You'll never forget. And that's ok.

Greenteandchives · 05/03/2017 19:59

I have three due dates that never were. So sad for you. Hopefully this will become a bittersweet date, and you will one day have dcs to love.
I have, and no longer mourn my losses.

Helbelle75 · 05/03/2017 19:59

Be kind to yourself.
My Edd after my mmc, I was 22 weeks pregnant, and didn't know how I should be feeling. I ended up getting quite emotional and collapsed, ended up in hospital.
You are allowed to grieve. [Flowers] for you

AGnu · 05/03/2017 20:00

My v early miscarriage would've been due tomorrow. DH really doesn't get it. I can't even begin to imagine how much harder it must be when you've been pregnant for longer.

stonecircle · 05/03/2017 20:06

My heart goes out to those of you who have had this awful experience. I'm sure nobody other than me remembers that I was due to have a baby on 5 May 1996.

My consolation is that I delivered a beautiful baby boy 5 months later that I wouldn't have had if I hadn't miscarried. He's now a wonderful 20 year old.

You'll never forget the one that didn't happen, but I truly hope you all go on to have another full term healthy baby

3littlebadgers · 05/03/2017 20:09

I'm so sorry, missing a baby you never got to bring home is so unspeakably hard.

Allow yourself to feel how you feel but no, I don't think the dad's can ever quite feel the depths of pain we mothers do.

This time two years ago I was heavily pregnant with Dd2 I was so excited everything was ready and waiting and I woke up everyday wondering if that day would be the day I finally got to bring her home. I never got the chance. It'll be her birthday a week today, she would have been 2. I've had a little boy since but my heart aches everyday for my angel girl. More so at the moment.

to you op and all of those missing little ones.

Lofari · 05/03/2017 20:12

So sorry for your loss OP. I've been there. I had a mmc, found out at 12 week scan. That year on what would have bee my due date I was a wreck. Hubby didn't say a lot, I don't think a lot of men are great at emotions.

But the following year I had my dd and I wouldn't have had her if my other pregnancy had continued. ....the world works in mysterious ways.
Like previous poster's have said, you'll never forget. I still say a few words to the baby on my 'due date' each year. Let it out and feel how you need to feel x

Original poster

sureitsgrand · 05/03/2017 21:39

Thanks everyone for the kind replies. My Mum just arrived with a beautiful tree for us to plant, and lots of hugs and I had a bit of a cry. An early night and hoping the pain I'm feeling will be less tomorrow.

OP posts:

pinkchampagne1 · 05/03/2017 22:19

So sorry for your loss. The due date is really tough.

I also suffered a MMC which was discovered at my 12 week scan. Our baby was due to be born on my DP's 40th birthday. I remember trying hard not to spoil his birthday but at the same time finding the day so tough.
That child would be six years old now. Unfortunately we never managed to have another child following our miscarriage and I still have times where I feel sad.

Sounds like you have a lovely supportive mum. How lovely of her to bring you a tree to plant.
It is a difficult time for you. Look after yourself.

Gurraun · 06/03/2017 19:58

I feel your pain 🙁 I had a mc in August and the due date was this week - my bff had a baby this week so a real reminder. I had a mmc at 12 weeks last month and the due date is my 40th in the Summer 🙁. Hugs

Cocoabean25 · 06/03/2017 20:29

So sorry to hear this. Big hugs xxxx xxxx

MonkeyPoozzled76 · 07/03/2017 10:10

Hi Sure, just wanted to say you are no alone in how you feel. I think we may have spoken at the time as I too had a MMC in August, my due date is next weekend. I feel just the same as you. Feels like I'm approaching the crescendo of hopelessness.

Things with DH are awful, he doesn't get it at all, any of it, nobody else has mentioned it to me. I'm trying to think of something meaningful to do, DH is away with work so it'll just be me.

Your mum sounds lovely and so does the tree planting. Really hope you feel better today.

WinterRose92 · 07/03/2017 10:15

So sorry Just take it easy. I think it's lovely that your Mum brought a tree to plant. What a lovely way to remember your little one. Take care xxxxx

tigerdog · 07/03/2017 10:27

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your mum sounds great and I hope you're getting lots of support. Planting a tree is a lovely idea. My due dates will be 22 June and 1st October this year, and I know it will be hard. I'm choosing a necklace with two little stars on, one for each baby lost. My DH doesn't see them as babies but after 10 and 11 weeks of pregnancy, and seeing and hearing their early heartbeats, I felt very attached.

Last time, even the nurse at the EPU said 'at least you know you can get pregnant'. That wasn't much comfort, as it took four years and IVF to get there.

Take care of yourself and allow yourself the time and space to grieve. xx

WinterRose92 · 07/03/2017 10:50

tigerdog The necklace idea is beautiful. I've not experienced a miscarriage, but I can only imagine how awful and heartbreaking it must be. I'm sorry for your losses xxx

Original poster

sureitsgrand · 08/03/2017 16:14

Hi, just seeing all the rest of these replies now. Kind thoughts to us all going through this. A very close friend had her baby yesterday, we conceived the same weekend and spent the first three months sharing notes on symptoms etc. I'm so happy for her, but so sad for myself. All the little ideas for momentos are great, and give us comfort. I can rationalise other days. But today I just want to be holding my new baby too.

OP posts:

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