Sorry for a very long post...
I had a complete molar pregnancy back in November 2012, I was 19 years old and as silly as it may sound, as I was so young, I had wanted a baby for a long time. I had 2 dnc's to try remove the tissue and ended up going to Charing Cross hospital for chemotherapy for a few months. Then I started going out drinking a lot, I never spoke to anyone about what had happened because I couldn't bring myself to speak about it not even to my partner, he seemed to move on quickly and wasn't bothered. I wouldn't say I had cancer it just didn't seem real, it felt wrong, not compared to people who were really suffering from it, I knew I was always going to be cured.
Just short of a year after finishing chemo I fell pregnant again, I was petrified that something would go wrong but gave birth to a healthy boy who is now 2. And when he was 4 months old I caught again and gave birth to a healthy baby girl who is now 1.
I thought back then that having another baby would make things better or take away the pain which it did for a while. I didn't think about it constantly and cry over it every night, things felt better, I hadn't forgot I was just happier. That emptiness had been filled finally. Now 4 and half years on I am still unable to speak about pregnancy loss or even about having chemotherapy to anyone I know (this is why I'm hoping to find help on this thread). I am still with my partner and I feel as though I cannot bring it up and if I did I wouldn't know what to say, I don't want people to see me cry I think that's what holds me back the most and I don't want people to pitty me. I kept a box of my hospital bands, pregnancy test and pictures of my bump which I recently threw away because my partner told me to, he said 'why have you still got it?'. I didn't ever want anyone to see the box of keepsakes it was almost like a big secret that I hid under the bed or in the wardrobe and by throwing it away I thought I'd let go.
Since my molar pregnancy I have been through a lot of other things which I won't go into and now feel like I have anxiety and I cannot trust many people. I have never spoken to a doctor or seen a therapist as I never thought I needed to. So anyway the whole point to my post was is this normal? Should I seek professional help or will things get better? Isit just the way I am that I bottle things up? Has anyone else had a similar story? How can I let go or should I ever let go?
Again sorry for the long story just wanted to make sure I got everything in.
Please any help will be grateful