Some Advice Would be Gratefully Received

[amour1985]

Hi All,

My first post, so please bare with me! I really need some advice. I suffered a mmc in December with my first pregnancy. I was 9+4 and baby was only measuring 7 weeks. I underwent an ERPC on 8th December. I had some brown 'bleeding' on 13th January for 3 days, which would have been my period dates, pre-miscarriage. I started using an OPK and hadn't ovulated by the same date I did when I fell pregnant in October. I got really upset by this and went to the doctors. She told me I "wouldn't have a period for ages yet", which just distressed me even more. I carried on testing and got a positive smiley face on my OPK the day after seeing the doctor. This would have been day 15 of my cycle. I was expecting my period on friday / Saturday this week but had some faint light pink when I wiped when I got up yesterday morning (sorry TMI) and then spotted brown all day. There were a couple of 'stringy' (sorry) bits in the evening. I haven't had much overnight (it isn't enough for a tampon or a pad, and isn't filling a panty liner). Are these periods that I'm having? What did others experience following ERPC? The hospital said I would be highly fertile and likely to conceive straight away after the ERPC so the fact I haven't is really getting me down. I just want to be pregnant again or know I'm working properly :( I've gone from having a perfect 27 day cycle to a cycle that seems all over the place. If anyone can shed any light I'd be so grateful. My doctors only answer was to sign me off work (which I refused!!). Thank you xxx

I hate the "you will be fertile after miscarriage" advice. It makes you feel crap when it doesn't happen to you. I've had two mmc over the last 2 years - it took me a year to get pregnant after my first mmc. I'm 8 months after my second mmc now. I hope your path to pregnancy will be smoother.

Have you taken a pregnancy test to see if you are pregnant? The very light bleeding could be implantation bleeding.

After my first mmc and erpc my periods have never been the same - much lighter and shorter, and more painful. I have searched for explanations, but after investigations the doctors have never been able to find a reason why my periods have changed.

You are only two months post mmc. Try to concentrate on being kind to yourself and getting your body back in balance. I felt off kilter for a while after my mmc - hormones felt everywhere - emotional, flushes, tired, etc. I try to reassure myself its no surprise that my body isnt ready to conceive again.

I'm sorry for your loss
I had a Mmc at 12 weeks and in my case the " highly fertile" thing was true because I got pg 1 week later ( total accident, never occurred to me I could get pg so quickly again). I experienced no bleeding at all except for a tiny bit for around 2 days after my erpc.
I tested 8 weeks after my Mc and got a strong positive.
It was very very hard emotionally and I wish it hadn't happened so quickly as I didn't have time to process what had happened, plus lots of people seemed to think that it meant I was ok and I hadn't lost my baby at all.
I hope you get the result you want soon and in the meantime be kind to yourself x

Thank you both so much for your replies. It helps soooo much to talk to people in the same boat. Unfortunately, I don't have anyone around me, so these forums are the only 'comfort' I seem to be getting at the moment.

I did think about implantation bleeding, but I don't know if it's just wishful thinking! I was going to try and hold off until the weekend before testing. I know I'll be crushed if it's negative. From bits I've read, I don't think it is IB but then everyone is different and maybe mine is different! I only came off my pill last July and fell pregnant in the October. I'm hoping it won't be too long before falling pregnant again but feel as though my body has changed now. It's so awful when you desperately want something. I have 6 close friends who are all pregnant too so I'm just surrounded by it. I feel like a recluse as I just can't face them at the moment.

Thanks again for taking the time to reply. lots of love xx

I admire your restraint for holding off til the weekend to test!

I am so sorry for your loss. I am experiencing the same thing at the moment- brown spotting a about a month after my miscarriage (I was about 11 weeks but baby died at 8wks4). From what I read, it is too early for my period to have come and it's likely to be your body's way of still cleaning itself out after the miscarriage. That said you could also be pregnant, so I guess I'm wondering if you have tested yet!

I know how you feel re other women being pregnant. Right now I feel like this process of "healing" is taking forever. I just want to be back to normal!

Hi Sunseeker17. So sorry for your loss. Sorry for the late reply - been away for a few days. I did do a test and it was negative 😢 The break really helped me feel 'normal' for a few days but now I'm home all the crap feelings have returned and another person has announced their pregnancy. I just feel like people think enough time has passed now and that I should just move on. Like you say, I just want to feel normal again. I ovulated again whilst I was away so I have everything crossed but I just don't think I've had enough of a period yet?! Hope you are okay xxx

Hi amour1985. Thanks so much for your message. Other people's reactions are strange aren't they? I try and explain to the few people who know I miscarried that grief is not a linear process. It's not like with each day one feels stronger and better- sometimes it's one step forward and two steps back. There are days when I think "ok- I'm feel a little better, I can do this" and then out of the blue a day later the realisation of what happened just comes flooding back and I'm overcome with grief. It often has to do with others announcing their pregnancies etc. My setback was Thursday when I bumped into a friend at yoga who I hadn't seen since she had her little boy. She gleefully said that he's about to turn one and that she's 13 weeks pregnant again. I felt so annoyed at her (unbeknownst) insensitivity that when she asked me how I was, I just smiled and said her "wow that's fantastic, i am so happy for you...and I am ok-sadly I had a miscarriage a few weeks ago" - I didn't care if it made her uncomfortable! I hope that doesn't sound too weird but I just wanted to let it out - to make my loss real somehow (and I hate that's something I'm not supposed to talk about- like a social taboo).

The one thing I'm trying to do when I see other people pregnant and/or with their babies- I try and remind myself that I don't know their stories- what struggles they may have had to get there. My boss is pregnant now and had I not spoken to her about my miscarriage, I would not never have learned that it was a massive struggle for her to get pregnant- it took them nearly 3 years and over 80 doctors' appointment. That is when I realise I just need to take a deep breath and understand that this "limbo" of miscarriage and not being pregnant again- it will pass. (Although I still have weak moments like Thursday!)

That is so great that you ovulated again- sounds very promising and I'm keep everything crossed for you! Don't worry too much about how heavy your period was- From what I have read it really varies from woman to woman. My period started on Friday (quite heavy surprisingly!) and although I now know I didn't ovulate after the miscarriage (which I was hoping I would), it's good to know that things are back on track (I'm surprised it came on Friday because I didn't expect it so soon). I'm going to start tracking my ovulation now and who knows! Maybe we will have rainbow babies a few weeks apart! Let me know how it goes xxx

It's so nice to talk to someone who properly understands, so thank you for replying.

I find the Clearblue tests really good to track ovulation. I know I need to just relax but every week feels like a month at the moment 😖 Xxx

Thanks for the recommendation amour1985. I'm going to use the Clearblue dual hormone test I think- quite expensive but I just don't want to miss my ovulation! (And who knows what's happening hormone wise after miscarriage...) I usually have a 25 day cycle so I'm going to start testing on Thursday.

Are you now in your two week wait? Let me know how it goes. Really hoping for a BFP for you! Xxx

I used the dual hormone one when I fell pregnant in October but I never got the flashing smiley face, just the solid one for peak fertility (I think!). The past couple of months I have been using the pink coloured Clearblue one. I was away in New York when I ovulated last week and I had a solid smile for 2 days which confused me a little bit but put it down to the time difference and what time I would have tested at home (i.e. usually test around 7am at home but getting up at 8am in NYC meant 1pm at home).

I have a couple of apps on my phone - one shows I'm due on, on Saturday and the other says I'm due on, on Monday 6th. I'm hoping for the BFP so much. Another friend has just announced she's pregnant :( that's 5 pregnant and 1 that had a baby in January! There's a baby shower for one of them on Sunday and I just can't face going! I feel it's too much all at once. I'm at the point where I don't care what anybody thinks of me for not going. I just have to look after me for now and like the Doctor said to be kind to myself.

I keep trying to remember how I felt leading up to finding out I was pregnant last time. Although I know every pregnancy is different. I hate that symptoms in the lead up to your period can be like early pregnancy symptoms too! So annoying!

Hope you have a good week.

Take care xxx

Hey amour I'm so very sorry for your loss.

We had a MMC a year ago at just under 9 weeks. Our beautiful baby's heart had only stopped beating a couple of days beforehand. I also had Surgical management as I didn't want to wait too long for nature to do its thing.
I wanted to say that I 100% understand the trigger of other people's pregnancies. My DP has put his foot down to TTC again. Our MMC was a beautiful surprise which was incredible given that I have PCOS and my two DC from previous marriage were virtually impossible to conceive. We did try again and miraculously fell pregnant again only 3 months later but we lost that one the day we had our BFP - a natural MC.
Like I say though, DP has said no more. Mainly because he realised we can't afford to raise another child - full time childcare would basically take all of my earnings then we'd lose the house we have just moved into - bought when we found out we were having our first lost baby.

Not long after our second loss, my Ex-H happily announced to me that his GF was pregnant, DP's step-sister announced her pregnancy, mutual friends announced theirs, and then another mutual friend and her partner announced theirs. I can't pretend I didn't have hateful feelings towards them. I still feel anxious just thinking about them all, and I have deliberately stayed away from them, much to my DP's frustration.
They are all due in March and it is making my anxieties go through the roof right now.
I wish so much that we could try again. It consumes me literally all day everyday and no amount of counselling and AD's have helped me. DP and I are hanging on by a thread right now. We adore eachother but I am not managing to come to terms with his decision, and he doesn't know how to help me anymore.
Plus I am 37 now, so its kind of now or never.
I am extremely conscious that I will forever feel absolutely empty, despite being lucky enough to have two older DC. Once you've had a MC with a much wanted child, no one can take away that emptiness.

I still have my pregnancy tests in the cupboard, the pregnancy pillow we bought, my bag of maternity clothes in the corner of our bedroom with Pregnacare box resting on the top. I look at them sob nearly everytime but I cannot bring myself to get rid of them.

It's made me look at my DC in a different light. I was always grateful to have them, obviously, but they are so much more precious to me. I have become one of the 'precious first born' mothers (that MN often makes fun of) to them both and they are now 7 and 11. I am just so petrified I am going to lose them as well.

Don't go to that babyshower. It will kill you. If they are friends of yours they will understand completely.

I also get all those pregnancy symptoms and live in hope that the condom has split but I always get it and I cry every single time.

I do think that sometimes I am finished, I am just a walking shell on auto pilot, looking forward to evaporating into thin air one day so as not to be a burden on anyone anymore.

Take care of yourself. Think of that beautiful baby you will have in your arms one day

So I got a BFN this morning 😭 My mind and body have played tricks on me all week. I genuinely thought this was my month, but no 😖 No sign of AF yet either. Had a good cry away from hubby and I'll just move on for another month xx

Oh amour1985 I'm so sorry. I totally understand the disappointment and frustration. If it's any consolation, I had a big cry with DH Friday night just as we were going to bed. I just said that I felt like I was never going to have children and that this miscarriage seems "endless". I'm on my 4th day of testing on this dual hormone Ovulation sticks and it's all blank circles. Seeing that I'm meant to ovulate on wed/thurs, I would have expected to start seeing flashing faces at least today. So now I'm totally paranoid that there is something wrong and I'm going to have yet ANOTHER cycle of not ovulating (whereas I was like clockwork before the pregnancy).

I'm thinking of you and let it all out here if you need to. All we can do is keep trying!

Morning Sunseeker17,

Think I said before, but I never got the flashing smiley, just went straight to the solid smiley. So fingers crossed it will happen for you this week 😘 I have terrible cramps and like stabbing pains this morning. I've done the worse thing and googled stuff and now have myself worried about something called Ashermans Syndrome that can occur as a result of ERPC 😢 Totally sounds like my symptoms with the very light, brown, cramping and now no period. I really hope it isn't. Don't feel like I can approach the Dr about it either as I'm sure she thinks I'm bonkers as it is! If there is something wrong though I want to get it looked at so I can at least try and resolve any problem - aaarrrggghhh I'm so frustrated 😩 I wish I had the money to pay privately! I feel really sorry for myself today. I wish I could just go to sleep for a few months and wake up and it all be okay 💕💕 let me know how your OPK goes this week. Everything crossed for you xx take care lovely xxx

Hey amour1985. Thanks for your lovely messages and the reassurance. Could you describe your symptoms a little more to me?

Re the light brown spotting, I had quite bad cramping and loads of brown spotting my previous cycle and about 5 days later my period came. If I understand ashermans correctly (and please let me know if I'm barking up the wrong tree) but that's it's scarring on the uterus that affects your cycle? And this means that it resulted from your d&c right? Although I'm not a doctor my instinct is that this must happen very very rarely - because if it was even slightly usual for this to open to women- imagine how many posts there would be counselling against getting a d&c - it would be like the option of last resort. And it definitely isn't- from what I have read it's almost 1 in 2 women opting for a d&c when there is a silent miscarriage, so please don't worry at this stage. And this would have been your first d&c so I think that makes it even less likely. Maybe give it a couple more days? AF may just be late. Mine was 3 days late this month.

I'm trying to take solace in the fact that it may be a few cycles before things are back to normal and the irregularities that both you and I are having might just be our bodies way of saying "I'm not ready leave me alone! I know what's best for you!" 😊 As frustrating as I find that, I'm trying to let it go, take deep breathes and try and get something to distract me. I'm thinking with the weather slightly warming up I might start swimming...😬😊.

Just reread my post and I hope it comes across right...I don't want to be a hypocrite because I worry about everything! So if you think that going to a doctor will give you peace of mind, then absolutely go... But I just know what it feels like to worry about these things and you feel like you're losing your mind (and think it may be the worst case scenario)- so I just hope that you can relax a little today. I'm sending you good enerrgt and positive thoughts amour1985! It's really nice having you to talk to

I didn't take it that way at all ☺️ I really appreciate having you to talk to. My previous periods last year when I came off the pill were normal flow, red, about 3 to 4 days and very minimal cramping. The periods I've had since the MMC are 2 days, very light, brown (have had no red blood) and really bad cramps. Also started suffering with really bad PMS symptoms - extreme fatigue, spots (I never get them!!), feeling sick, headaches etc. I had very little bleeding after the d&c but the surgeon said she removed very little so I presumed that was the reason why. I don't even need a tampon for what I get at the moment. I just have a liner for the day (sorry TMI!) hubby got really annoyed with me for crying this morning and said we weren't trying anymore until I 'sort myself out as it's been 3 months'! I really wish I could just switch all these feelings off but it's easier said than done when I just want to be pregnant again. I'm feeling a little better with the light nights so may join you with the swimming or something like that in an evening. Thank you for listening 💐 Xxx