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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

Don't know what to do about work

26 replies

NW10teacher · 06/02/2017 22:09

Sorry in advance, because I'm sure this is going to be a rambling post... I miscarried today at 8 wks with first pregnancy. It started on my way to work (I'm a teacher) and when I realised what was happening I called sick and went home. My OH is away for work but my friend, bless her, dropped everything to come over and help me.

I don't feel quite real about what's happened. I just can't face the idea of going into school tomorrow, but I'm also worried because my HoD called and had a massive go about ringing in sick too late. I get it, because it really does leave them in a difficult situation and we're short-handed anyway at the moment. So I really should go in, but I feel totally exhausted and the idea of going to work just makes me want to cry... I should add that I love teaching and my job and this isn't like me at all! So I just don't know what to do.

If anyone has any advice, I'd be so grateful.

OP posts:

CannotEvenDeal · 06/02/2017 22:11

I am a teacher and took no time off after a miscarriage 3 years ago. Biggest mistake I ever made. Take care of yourself

letthefunbegin · 06/02/2017 22:13

My advice is - don't go to work. Not tomorrow anyway. Ring in sick. Yes it will inconvenience people but your mental and physical health are more important. Teaching is not a job where you can take it easy or gather your thoughts. Don't go to work.

HelsBels5000 · 06/02/2017 22:13

Er with all due respect tell your HoD to do one. Go to the doctor and get signed off for a week. You need to rest and recuperate and grieve. Look after yourself

iamapixiebutnotaniceone · 06/02/2017 22:16

If you feel comfortable to do so, telling them what has happened might make a difference to their attitude towards you calling in sick

TataEs · 06/02/2017 22:18

ur gp will sign u off. you should take at least a week. i miscarried on thursday evening, called in sick on friday and went back on monday (i was a fucking mess but my manager called twice on the friday to check i'd definitely come back on monday). i saw the gp on the following thursday (i was concerned i hadn't bled much and was retaining - i wasn't) and he was horrified that i was in work and signed me off for a week.
anyone who phones a woman who is losing a baby and gives out about calling in sick late is not worth worrying about. not even a single thought. don't worry about school, they'll get by. look after yourself

Original poster

NW10teacher · 06/02/2017 22:25

I was wondering about that, because I know full well that I have thought uncharitable thoughts about people calling in sick giving 2 mins notice. But I find my HoD difficult to talk to about anything not work related!

I feel like I should be able to just pull myself together and go in, and like if I don't I will have failed. At the same time, I'm realising that it's not really sensible to go in.

Is it normal to feel really nauseous during / after? I keep feeling really sick-y as ell as all the cramps and so on, and I've been sick a few times.

OP posts:

Quodlibet · 06/02/2017 22:26

Please take some time off work. I didn't after my MC (or tried not to - was lying on the sofa trying to mark essays when still passing product after a full general and ERPC). It was an awful mistake and meant my recovery - mental and physical - took far longer than it would otherwise have done.
Respect your body and your need to grieve. Take some time off, at least a week. I'm sure your HoD would be mortified if they understood what had happened.

Original poster

NW10teacher · 06/02/2017 22:27

Thank you for your lovely messages, it means so much. I should add, that my HoD wasn't of course actually aware about the situation - she probably thought it was a mild cold or something! On the other hand I was kind of mad, because I haven't taken a sick day in 2 years so it's not like I have a reputation for calling in last minute!

OP posts:

Wolfiefan · 06/02/2017 22:28

Please see your GP and get signed off.
I don't know about the nausea but I tried to teach through a very early mc. I couldn't.
I'm sorry for your loss OP.

CannotEvenDeal · 06/02/2017 22:30

Yy to the prolonging of the mental recovery

CannotEvenDeal · 06/02/2017 22:30

If you don't take any time off I mean

NassauBeach · 06/02/2017 22:34

I'm so sorry for your loss OP. It's a hard enough time getting through it, physically and emotionally, without the stress of work on top of it. Some people say they like the distraction of work to take their mind off what is happening... not me- all I wanted was to sob at home, lots of tea and cake, browse in local shops after a few days. I took 8 days off work and was the better for it.

I second telling the HOD what is happening- so they will leave you alone for the time you take off.

Take good care of yourself

ImpetuousBride · 06/02/2017 22:36

Look at this way - as understaffed as they are it is their responsibility to make provisions for sick days and emergencies. If you had just been hit by a bus what would they do - expect that you show up because you didn't /couldn't give notice? Nope, they'll find a way to deal with it.
If you don't feel comfortable sharing the reason, dont. All you have to say is that you had a medical emergency which is too personal /difficult to talk about and so you'd rather not, however that you would supply them with the necessary doctor's note as unfortunately you really are in no condition to come to work. Anybody with half a heart should be understanding. And the thing is... you really need some time off to deal with such a loss.

Original poster

NW10teacher · 06/02/2017 22:51

I am so touched by how lovely you have all been - it makes such a difference to know how many kind people are out there.

The cramping has just come on badly again and I feel totally shattered, so I've decided I'm going to take tomorrow off and go to GP instead.

OP posts:

girlelephant · 06/02/2017 22:52

So sorry OP. Glad you are seeing your GP tomorrow & take the time you need

Original poster

NW10teacher · 06/02/2017 23:10

My resolution has now been swayed by the fact I've just had a text from my HoD asking me to confirm that I'll be back tomorrow, since it was such late notice today. Part of me's thinking it's going to be less stress and easier just to go back tomorrow and see my GP in the evening!

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SuperManStoleMyPants · 06/02/2017 23:24

I'm so sorry for your loss

Please don't let your HoD push you into going into work tomorrow. You need time to recover and grieve. Go to the doctors and see about being signed off for the rest of the week.
I miscarried last year and didn't take the time I needed to recover, it really was a mistake.
Look after yourself

PollyCazaletWannabe · 06/02/2017 23:29

I know it's difficult but you need to tell the school what has happened. I had a MMC and had to have an ERPC at 11 weeks. Told school and was given a week off no problem. So sorry for your loss x

AndNowItsSeven · 06/02/2017 23:33

Your HoD shouldn't be texting so late. Just tell her no you won't be in till Monday at the earliest.

Esssa · 06/02/2017 23:33

Don't go! Tell them the situation and I hope they have the decency to apologise for bothering you. I was in no fit state to be in work at that point and you won't be thought of any better for doing it for their benefit. Look after yourself now and think of others later. Sorry for your loss

FilmaWlintstone · 07/02/2017 00:10

Please don't feel bullied into going in- just reply factually that you will not be in ( then follow normal procedures in the morning to call in sick ) and that you're going to the doctor tomorrow and will update the school later in the day

SoundsofSodor · 07/02/2017 00:11

I'm so sorry for what you are going through NW10.

I'm a teacher. I stared spitting on a Friday. Took Monday off as my head was all over the place and I couldn't have concentrated in front of a class. MC Monday night and didn't return to work until the following Monday.

Ultimately, it doesn't matter what anyone else has done. If you don't feel able stand in front of your classes, you should be at home no matter what your HoD thinks xx

Original poster

NW10teacher · 07/02/2017 00:30

So sorry for all of your losses and thank you for sharing, and for the advice.

I replied to my HoD and said I'm not well and I won't be in tomorrow. I've also said I'll call her and school after I've been to the GP tomorrow to update about the situation.

I hope I've been 'professional' - I'm just starting to feel like a zombie so I can't tell what's professional and what isn't any more! But I can't get to sleep and I'm feeling sick again, so I don't think I'm realistically going to be fit for work tomorrow.

Thanks again sooo much for all your help and support. So very much appreciated!

OP posts:

NassauBeach · 07/02/2017 12:52

Hope gp appt was helpful for you and signed you off ... take it easy today and stop worrying about work. You need to take care of yourself right now.

Original poster

NW10teacher · 07/02/2017 21:21

Thanks for asking - my GP was lovely, gave me a note straight away and she said that I shouldn't go back to work till at least Monday. Apparently it seems to have been a 'straightforward' miscarriage and there's no reason we shouldn't try again soon. I was worried that something else was wrong because I've had a tummy upset and been sick on and off since it happened yesterday, but GP said it's probably just that my body is a bit messed up by what's happened!

I rung school and HoD and explained why I won't be in this week. HoD seemed a bit embarrassed, and (clearly meant as a gesture of kindness) sent me lots of planning to do while I'm off to 'keep my mind off things'. Who knows - maybe it will!

Thank you so much for all your support and lovely messages.

OP posts:

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