Feeling so guilty

[SharedLife]

Tfmr in May at 13 weeks due to acrania. I have been very low about it, now on fluoxetine. It's my DS's b'day weekend, we've got lots planned for him and as we never really opened up to him about the situation with the baby he's been in blissful ignorance about it all. I've really struggled to present a happy front to him at times. My DH is very strong , he hasn't cried once about loosing the baby although I know he was very upset, and has said he is now over it. I feel so guilty for still struggling. I drink once in a blue moon but my DS b'day celebrations yesterday made me so sad inside, thinking about how our sweet baby should be here and how their birthday was also the day they died. I secretly drank 2 bottles of wine. I'm realy ashamed. I feel such guilt for still being so sad and I feel like everyone wants me to be over it now as they all seem to have moved on dh included. I feel so alone with my grief.

[Hobbitch]

Oh please don't feel guilty. Your grief is yotally legitimate. I'm so sorry you had to lose your baby especially in those circumstances. Of course you're heartbroken and it will take time. It sounds like you have been incredibly brave for your son as well.

There is absolutely no shame in grief. I suspect even your husband isn't really over it and may be saying this to appear stronger. Can you lean on him? Open up to him about how you really feel?

Would it help to get support from a counsellor or an organisation like Sands?

Look after yourself. I've had losses too and I've made my peace with them but I will never forget. It's seriously traumatic and you have every right to grieve at your own pace.

[KittyandTeal]

Guilt, although not logical in these cases, is totally normal. I still feel heart wrenching guilt about my tfmr almost 2 years on.

Grief is so lonely, especially the further on from loosing them I think.

I would say a counsellor, sands or ARC may be able to help. I've lost 2 babies, one a tfmr and one a mmc. The tfmr was harder and more complicated to deal with because of the guilt, the actions that I had to take and the fact that's it's still a taboo subject to open up about. I found counselling really helpful in dealing with those emotions and helping me find a way of accepting and loving with them.