Remembering a lost baby

[Justwondering79]

We've just lost a LO to a MMC and I had a surgical procedure. It was nearly 2 weeks after we initially found out and I thought I was doing okay but the procedure itself really upset me. I struggled to leave the room knowing I was leaving them behind. They only made it to 6 weeks but none the less.

Has anyone done anything to remember a loss? Was thinking a tree but worried it would die (I'm not the most green fingered) or I'd thought a star but apparently it's a scam. Any ideas? Xx

Sorry for your loss. I am in the same position.

We're also thinking of something to remember the baby by. We are religious so this provides some solace in that we can light candles. I haven't made it to church yet though as I think I would be very upset. DH and friends have lit candles on my behalf.

I too was wondering about a rose tree or something but then I also worry that as I am not the world's best gardener I'd be really upset if it died.

We're wondering about a charity gift, to support children. Some charities do lotteries too.

And to help us feel better we have made a little things of nice things to do for ourselves, like very easy home improvements, sorting out photos. Nothing too challenging as presently I feel my brain is not working at full pace.

for you. You'll work out something that feels right for you.

Bumping for morning people. Any ideas?

I have a Rose for the first baby we lost, we named her and found a rose with the same name.

I have jewellery that I wear every day so they are always with me. Doesn't have to be expensive

what about a willow tree ornament? when i mmc'd i debated buying a special snow globe as it was over the festive months. just something i could keep as a reminder.

just so you know, the days will start to hurt a little less. sorry for your loss.

Thanks for the suggestions. We'd wondered about some jewellery but I want something that my husband can have too and he isn't a big jewellery wearer. Will have a look.

gingerbread, thanks for your thoughts.

Ours was a first trimester loss with no testing offered as it is our first miscarriage so we don't know the baby's sex so this feels like it's making it more difficult to name or talk about, as I don't like talking about "it", and "the baby" sounds too vague too. I suspect this is something we'll figure out and muddle through. It's all so new.

OP, if you feel you can share what you decided on to remember your baby, please do.

when my son was stillborn after the mmc i had a tattoo. i love it.

joma do some lovely bracelets for ladies wanting jewellery.

on ebay you can get some lovely stainless steel credit cards engraved that may be nice for a male if they would also like something they can keep close that represents your loss.

Gingerbread, thanks, the credit card sounds a good idea for DH. I started looking at jewellery but felt too upset but will come back to it when ready. It's all a bit raw at the moment.

i know its hard to see right now but it will ease. thinking of you.

Dear Just, I'm very sorry for you, it is such a sad empty time in your life.

My own way is that the children I have, are like gifts from the ones I lost. I wouldn't have these children unless we had gone through our sorrows of losing my other three. I hope very much that you are one day at the heart of a happy and growing family and are able to find peace with similar thoughts. My heart goes out to those of you suffering late losses of your children. It's so terrible and devastating.

Thanks everyone. I appreciate the ideas. I am thankful for my son, he is really helping me manage in these early days. I can't help but feel this process, whilst awful, must be so much worse for couples that lose their first.

We've come to no firm conclusions yet. Still thinking, but keen to think and act with something rather than let the days pass by. I have also lost both of my parents and they are buried together at a natural burial site so pondering doing "something" there but the rules are quite strict. It's a thought anyway.