Just looking for a safe space with people that understand really.
I had a miscarriage 18 months ago and I struggle with it alot still. I'm not TTC as no longer with DP, so I'm very stuck I guess.
I haven't been able to cope with babies, bumps etc since. I'm 35, so you can imagine, it's something of an occupational hazard.
I am still at the stage of moving when I'm in starbucks and a baby is crying near me. I know it sounds awful, but it's too much. I am getting better - helping women lift buggies and I stroked a distant friend's baby last week which was HUGE. It was made possible by the fact that she came and sought me out to say she'd heard I'd had a miscarriage and wanted to say how sorry she was and wanted to tell me about her journey to becoming a mum, she was just lovely and I could see the genuine empathy in her eyes. So it really is baby steps.
My former friendships aren't faring so well. I had a group of friends and one of them is having a baby any day now, possibly has had it. We didn't get off to a great start with it. We were at a very public occasion when she revealed her lovely news, and I was under pressure to be okay with it. I was really upset inside, and I to this day, feel really humiliated when I think back to that day. I respect her choice to share her news how she wishes to share it, but by the same token, feel like no one in the group really respects my wishes to retreat from the group.
I persevered with the friendship - she had been supportive post miscarriage, a good friend generally and she didn't do it to spite me obviously. It just got harder the more pregnant she was, so I've pulled back. I haven't heard from most of the group which I get. Everyone is well versed in the social norms of when a baby arrives; not so much when it doesn't.
Is it so unreasonable for me to withdraw now? I can't face it. I have other friends so I'm not isolated, I just cannot stick participating in this one group. I've unfollowed them all on social media because it's just too much. One of them thinks I'm being a bit tight, and that it's sad that I can't come to terms with it all. But right now, it's the least of the things that I've lost.
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9 replies
PIVOT · 11/07/2016 11:44
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