Almost 3 months after....

[Paige84]

A warning before I start really.... I'm not in the best of places and this will probably sound very pathetic but I'm reaching out in the only way I know how.
It's been 3 months tomorrow since I lost my daughter at just 16 weeks. I'm currently sitting in the most beautiful cottage with the ocean on the doorstep.... A holiday which had been booked in the knowledge id be 7 months pregnant and would appreciate things closer than usual in these parts. I'm struggling so much it's almost unbearable. I'm being awful my other half who's trying his best but honestly doesn't see how I'm still so broken. I feel like I should be doing so much better than I am but I feel worse than ever and can't seem to get over the unfairness of what's happened.
I'd give anything to be sitting rubbing my gorgeous bump right now instead of feeling so lost and disconnected from everything and everyone.

Oh Paige. I've been there. I'm often there still. You are not alone. And definitely not pathetic! Its been just over three months for me too actually. I was 17+6wks. I think time really is the only thing that will make it easier. But there is no right or wrong amount of time needed. Try not to feel bad about how you think you should be feeling now; just take small steps and you'll get there in the end. Or at least that's what dh says to me when I'm feeling low.

I hope today has been a better day for you. X

What you're feeling is normal. I don't think many men connect with their baby until after they're born, at least not in the same way that us women do. From day one we're carrying them everywhere, making health decisions to benefit them, feeling them move, talking to them. They're not just an abstract idea to us, they're a real, living person that we're growing love for daily. There's a strange facet to pregnancy loss in that you're mourning someone you didn't get to meet, and other people find that hard to understand sometimes. The thing is, you've lost a part of you. That's always going to hurt, but I promise you it does get better. Trust that the feelings you're having are perfectly natural and not pathetic at all.

Allow yourself to feel this way - giving yourself permission to be sad is important. Also try to find one thing each day that brings you some joy.

for you.

I am so sorry for your loss Paige and completely understand how you are feeling. I lost a baby at 16 weeks last year, the 1st anniversary of this has just been & gone and I felt I was back to square one again last week. My other half is understanding when I tell him how I feel but I know it hasn't affected him in the same way as it has me, then I think how could it possibly, as he did not have this new life growing inside him. I really feel for you, especially as you booked your holiday thinking you would be 7 months pregnant. We always are further along in our pregnancy in our heads, and i know I felt safe when I hit that 12 week milestone; which makes it seem all the more unfair to lose a baby later on. You will be alright though; I feel much better than I did last week, but do allow yourself to feel sad- you need to grieve. Big hugs xxxxxx

Thank you all for your replies. I'm so grateful somewhere like this exists, I wonder if I'd go mad without having somewhere to know I'm not alone and not going as bonkers as I feel I am sometimes.
xx