Missed miscarriage

[Pipmum]

On Monday I found out I had a missed miscarriage a baby had stopped growing at 9 weeks. I had been suffering from terrible morning sickness so had no idea anything was wrong - especially as we had a private scan at 8 weeks and all looked well. I opted for medical management of miscarriage so took the first tablets on Monday then went home. I went back into hospital on the Wednesday for the second stage. I was given the second set of tablets at 3.30 (vaginally) and was surprised that by 6.30 I had passed the sac with relatively little pain (like period cramps) and bleeding. After that however the pain got worse and worse - like contractions with no release. By the time the registrar got to me I was convinced I was dying. I ended up with cervical shock and lay on the bed for 45 minutes while the dr removed the retained placenta and blood clots - I lost 1.5 litres of blood during this time. Thankfully I had insisted on gas and air for pain relief which helped keep me calm whilst this was happening. they had to repeat the procedure during the night but thankfully there was much less blood. By the Friday there was still some tissue left so I ended up with a blood transfusion and a d&c on the Friday night. I've been sent home from hospital today-whilst I'm not in pain I'm still feeling nauseous. It's only just now hit me that I've lost a very much wanted baby and I'm devastated. How did you all cope with such a loss? I'm also still traumatised by the whole miscarriage process

I'm so sorry to hear all of this.
You're not on your own, there are lots of us out here who have been through the same thing, so please keep talking, asking questions, that has really helped me to get through it all.
I had a MMC 7 weeks ago. I started bleeding and went for a private scan, as we didn't want to wait for the EPU to have an appointment. The scan showed that baby's heart had stopped beating at 8 weeks (I was 11 weeks). I miscarried naturally at home that evening and it was the worst thing. I managed to get through ok, as I had to, but there was so much blood, contractions, lost tissue. I did go into hospital for a day and had fluids, but was then sent home to finish miscarrying naturally.
I had the next two weeks off work. I felt like it was the end of the world. I didn't want to see anyone apart from my husband, couldn't be out because there would be pregnant ladies and children and I couldn't handle it.
We had a holiday booked, so we went to Greece for a week which was really good, as it took us completely away from the situation, but the return to the UK and to work was pretty awful. I went into work (I'm a teacher), but couldn't stay long as I just broke down in tears. I had a further week off, then a phased return to work. I'm now back full time and it's helping, keeping busy and being 'normal'.
I'm having support through CRUSE, and friends and family have been incredibly supportive. I've spoken to everyone about it, as I'm normally a very bubbly. outgoing person and I've crept into my shell and can't be around big groups of people.
I have changed, irreversibly I think. I feel empty, bereft and nothing will ever take away that we lost a much wanted, much loved baby. We have a memorial rose in the garden for our baby bean, looked over by 2 stone bunny rabbits and a stone which says 'quiet please, fairies asleep here'. That has helped us.
I don't think there's a singe answer, apart from time. It sounds so clichéd, but I couldn't imagine even 4 weeks ago that I would manage a full week at work.
Physically, my period returned exactly 4 weeks after I'd miscarried, and we're TTC again. That's what's right for us, I know for other people it's different.
I'm so so sorry and take your time, do what feels right for you.

I'm so sorry for both your losses. I've been through a mmc too, ended up going back to work a few days after my erpc because I wanted to be busy and not think about it. This worked for a short time but after about five weeks back I was signed off for two weeks. The GP was amazing and I also had counselling from Cruise. Both of them made me feel normal and that my grief was real and should be recognised and supported. I think my stuff upper lip approach attributed to my mini breakdown later. I would say give yourself lots of time and don't feel you need to pretend to be ok. Miscarriage is not ok, it's a loss and you are grieving