should be holding my newborn

[JoMalones]

Today I should be holding a newborn baby (csection would have been yesterday). Instead I am still grieving for what should have been.

I am very grateful for being pregnant again but even after 6 scans I don't have any confidence in my body to carry a healthy baby to term. I'm not only grieving for the baby I lost but also grieving for this pregnancy as I should be ecstatic and embracing and enjoying every minute, not nervous and slightly detached. Even feeling movements isn't reassuring me.

Sorry, I don't expect replies, I just needed to write it down.

So sorry jo, I no that feeling, my baby was due on the 2nd June but I went 14 days over with my first baby so I thought I would with this one too, so thought no matter what I'd be holding my baby on this weekend, the due date was just as hard. Just had a chemical pregnancy last week aswell to rub it in abit. I hope everything goes well for you in this pregnancy although I can imagine how stressful it must be

I'm so sorry for your loss Alb1. I hope this weekend passes for you quickly and gently. I'm so sorry to hear youve had a chemical too

I am so sorry for your loss. I've been there I remember the number feeling. After 5 miscarriages and no DH I am 15 weeks pregnant and trying to stay hopeful. Try to picture your new beautiful baby that will be absolutely fine x

no dds sorry

Oh invisible I can't imagine going through the heartbreak 5 times. I am so sorry for your losses. I hope this pregnancy isn't hard for you.

how many weeks are you now? Luckily I have had testing and I have a reason why it's called antiphilisophilid syndrome aka sticky blood syndrome so I take medication now. I've seen baby twice he she would not stop wriggling 5 days ago. I just try to plan for the future this pregnancy feels different. I always lost at 6 7 weeks. Alb1 sorry for your losses aswell x

My darling it is the hardest place to be. DD was born 51 weeks after DS2 was born and died. She 18 now. Eventually you come to terms with it and the world pieces itself back together again.

I had zero confidence in my body after 4 mcs. I was more stressed the fifth time round than ever and convinced this would hurt the baby, but all was well. It is so hard, and a platitude to say it gets easier but it does eventually, thank god

My due date was 2 days ago, my baby died at 30 weeks. It's been so so hard, on top of this nearly everyone I know is due to give birth this summer.

Oh Sammy, you poor thing

Thank you Iggi

My heart aches so much for her.

I'm so sorry sammy

Thank you everyone for the kind messages.

I'm 18w invisible and v nervous still.

I had 4 miscarriages so was expecting this pregnancy not to work out too.

It was only after the 20 week scan that I felt I could be happy about the pregnancy for the first time.

I'm 24 weeks now and can feel the baby kicking which is really reassuring. I'm no longer worrying about it not working. I know nothing is guaranteed but the odds are looking much better now.

So sorry for your loss and I wish you all the best in this pregnancy. We lost a little girl at 19+6 due to infection +/- weak cervix. My due date was in May and so many of my friends had babies around ten same time I was due, it's incredibly hard not to Think "what if". Still waiting to try again as had retained products and having rmc testing and husband's sperm profile has come back abnormal...I never thought having a second child would be so difficult.

Wishing you the best of luck with this pregnancy xxx

I've had four consecutive losses after already easily having a daughter. Two were late, two were early. I'm now 31 weeks pregnant. I'm still finding it v hard to bond with baby as loss becomes what tube levy and to protect yourself you desensitise. I haven't bought anything or really thought about names. It so hard X