MMC first pregnancy
5tardusty · 12/04/2016 16:17
Just found out today that i am no longer pregnant. Should have been 9+4 but baby measured around 5. Feel furious at my own body for letting me feel pregnant for a month.
I only told my family at the weekend, then started spotting very lightly on Monday. Only on wiping. They were all absolutely thrilled at the thought of having their first grandchild with us for Christmas, and i have caused them so much pain by telling them then taking their joy away.
My body shows no sign of rejecting this pregnancy- i just want it gone. I feel numb really. Like i just want to not think about it and carry on as normal. People want to come and be sympathetic amd i know they need to say goodbye too and support us but i feel like i need to not think about it. I'm dreading going to sleep tonight.
I am devastated for my husband. I was feeling very negative this morning before the scan and so in the end it just confirmed my fears, but my husband says that he was optimistic and really thought he was going to see our little baby's heartbeat for the first time. He was always the cautious one throughout the past few weeks, and he jad only just started to let himself think that this could really happening. Only it wasn't, and i have been not pregnant for a whole month.
I really want to start again. I'm scared it won't happen for us. I am scared of getting to my original due date having not concieved again.
We called the baby Flea. I felt like she was a girl.
Bonbonelperro · 12/04/2016 19:34
I am so sorry for your loss. Just wanted you to know that you're not alone. I recently had a mmc at 9 weeks when the baby only measured 7 weeks, and I was feeling pregnant the whole time, only had a little bit of spotting. The thought of trying again is scary isn't it.
5tardusty · 12/04/2016 19:46
Yes it's scary to think that no pregnancy will ever be the same again. I'm desperate to be pregnant again but i just know that the fear will be there from the start. It's helpful to read other people's experiences on here though, especially people who have gone on to have healthy pregnancies
KittyandTeal · 12/04/2016 19:52
I'm so sorry.
It's absolutely normal to feel numb and want to be on your own without people fussing. The anger is normal too, although not a nice feeling.
It's lovely that you named your baby, very cute.
Have they gone over the options with you?
As far as I'm aware (we've decided not to try again after our 14 week mmc) you can start ttc again straight away. They often advise you to wait once cycle to help with dating if you do get pregnant right away. The first period after a loss does tend to be pretty heavy and quite painful and generally yuk.
Have you contacted the miscarriage association? I've not had contact with them as I already have contacts with sands but I've heard they are good. Sands are also a brilliant charity.
I'm sure it will happen again. There is some research out there that suggests you are more fertile after an 'interrupted pregnancy'
Nousername2015 · 12/04/2016 20:11
dusty I'm so sorry for your loss. I was you a year ago. After seeing a heartbeat at 7 weeks I started spotting at 11+5 and the worst was confirmed at a scan. It was my first pregnancy and we'd also only just told family who were so excited for the future.
I don't know if you've considered your options yet but take the time that you need. I chose medical management and it wasn't too bad. I wasn't afraid of things happening naturally but I needed them to happen quickly which is why I chose that option. I'm sure others will be along who have had surgical management who can give you an insight.
We waited for 1 cycle and then tried again. Tough times for me were getting the negative pregnancy test and then the day I got my period. I now have a gorgeous 13 week old son but I do still think about my first baby. Pregnancy was an ordeal for me but only because I let fear and anxiety get the better of me.
Look after yourself and very best wishes to you for the future. I'm sorry you've had to go through this.
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