Not coping with 2nd miscarriage

[Kelly35]

I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks in August and am pregnant again now but it looks like the baby isn't growing and I'm about to miscarry again at 9 weeks. It looks like the babies don't grow after 5-6 weeks. I just don't think I'll cope with going through it again. After my first miscarriage I had hope that it was just bad luck and the next pregnancy would be fine. Now that my worse nightmare is coming true I don't think I'll cope. I can't stop crying and really don't want to carry on without having a baby in my life. I'm almost 36 and have no children. I don't think I'm brave enough to try again and worry that I'll not cope and get really depressed and do something stupid. I'm at my whit's end.

So sorry to hear it is happening again. You don't have to make any decisions about trying again just yet, and can speak to counselors in the mean time if it would be helpful.

Is the EPU being helpful? Do you have all the info you need on your current options?

I'm so sorry you're going through this again. I have been through the same - 2 mc at 9 and 11 weeks when the babies don't grow past 5/6 weeks. I'm 36 this month. Currently pg and all seems to be going well. Don't give up hope. Take lots of time and maybe see if you can talk to someone. Is you're gp helpful. Tell them what you have told us and they should be able to get you some counselling to get you through this. As spare says you don't need to make any decisions now. Just look after yourself and give yourself time to heal emotionally and physically. Feel free come and chat - say anything here. No judgement on this board we've all been there

I have nothing "helpful" to say but I hope you have someone to talk to or perhaps some counselling. I can't imagine how you must be feeling OP X

Thank you both for responding. I've recently moved house so don't have a regular GP. I haven't been to the EPU yet as I decided to go private this time (even though it's very expensive) because I found them very cold and matter of fact first time around and couldn't bear to go back there. I've been having early scans privately and it was private Dr who said baby isn't growing. I had hcg bloods taken yesterday and currently waiting for results. I guess those results will determine what happens next. Last time I was bleeding so miscarried naturally. This time I'm not bleeding so guess I'll opt for D&C. I just feel so sad x

Thanks x

Hello I'm so sorry for your losses. I had two first trimester miscarriages before this pregnancy. It was very difficult, even though I have a child already (as a result of fertility treatment). I'm a couple of years older than you and this pregnancy was conceived naturally. Take care of yourself and try not to give up hope. The Miscarriage Association are very supportive and helpful and if you are on Facebook they have a lovely, closed group on there called Miscarriage Association Private Group where you'll find lots of supports, as well as the threads here on MN of course.

Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply to me. I'll definitely look up that DB group. It helps to know others understand. I struggled after the first one but then put all my energy into trying again. I'm not sure I'll have the energy to do that again and now I'm worried something is wrong and I'll never have a baby. My husband and I have a wonderful relationship but things were strained after the first miscarriage, mainly because I was so low. I just don't want that to happen again. I'm sorry you've all gone through this too but thank you from the bottom of my heart for reaching out to me.

Hi Kelly35, I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I also just suffered my second consecutive silent miscarriage 3 weeks ago and baby had stopped growing at 9 weeks (both times). I know exactly how you feel and I, like you, told myself that the first one was just 'bad luck'. Two in a row is truly awful but perhaps there is a little a bit of comfort in knowing that it's more common than you would think. 5% of people have two consecutive miscarriages and still go on to have healthy babies. I know how difficult it is to stay positive and it's hard with all the pregnancy hormones too.

Please just be kind to yourself and take each day at a time. It's so very hard but it will get a little easier. There is a secret fb page which I joined recently for recurrent miscarriage. The group has helped me enormously and you are more than welcome to join. Just let me know your name on fbook and a description of your picture and I can get you added.

One thing that has helped me is by throwing myself into exploring the avenues for testing the cause of why I miscarried. There are many causes and some are very simple treatments, so please don't lose hope. Many women on the fbook page have had more than 2 miscarriages and have had healthy pregnancies since.

One day at a time. Xx

Fourleafclover82 thanks so much for your kind words. I'm having my scan tomorrow and I'm hoping they'll just confirm miscrriage. Like you, both have mine have been at 9 weeks but baby died each time at 5/6 weeks. Did you have a D&C on yours? Are they likely to offer that to me tomorrow or will I have to wait till next week? I really need closure from the physical stuff. Last time I miscarried naturally but not by choice and it was horrific. I'd love to join the FB group. How do I private message you my name? Thanks again for reaching out to me. I'm so sorry you've been through this too. X

Hi Kelly35,

The waiting is absolutely horrific and I totally understand the need to move past the physical side of things. I had a d and c with the last miscarriage as I wanted it over with quickly. For me it was the best choice. Although it was a long, exhausting, emotional day... Somehow you do just get though. At my hospital in London, I showed up to the epu first thing in the morning (815!) to increase my chances of having a d and c. I was lucky that they got me on the waiting list for that day. And by the afternoon it was all done. I struggled the first week with the steep drop in hormones following the operation but I told myself that this would pass and get better time went on. 3 weeks on and although I am so very sad and emotional, I am much stronger and daily life returns.

With my first miscarriage I miscarried naturally and then needed a d and c under local anaesthetic to remove what was left. This I found more traumatic as I was awake.

If you do decide to get a d and c tomorrow do push to get the genetics testing on the bean. They only offer it after 3 miscarriages on the nhs but we paid the nhs £450 and they did it for us privately.

I think the only way to message is not on the app but via the website version of mumsnet. The group really is a wonderful support and I'm sure you will get more courage and strength from reading everyone else's journey.

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. Go easy on yourself and just muster up enough strength to get you through.

Xx

Thanks for the reply. I'll definitely push for testing and pay privately if need be. I'll try to contact you via the way you suggested and also let you know how tomorrow goes. Thanks for your support. It means a lot xxx