waiting to misscarry

[fortheloveofvintage]

Hey

So my history is: natural m/c at 8 weeks, natural m/c at 5 weeks, one healthy child (now 4!), natural m/c 5 weeks and now it seems I have had a mmc at 9weeks5days.

The awful thing is I had a scan at around 7 weeks after a small bleed and saw a heartbeat with a baby measuring perfectly for dates. They said that there was a small pocket of blood (sub something hemorrhage) and this is where the bleed came from. They said that I could bleed again but my chances were good as I had seen a Hb.

Fast forward to yesterday, I had some red blood when I wiped, literally enough to cover the tissue but soon cleared up. I called the EPU who agreed to scan me again. I honestly thought they would tell me that it was just the same as last time, nothing to worry about. I'm a pessimistic person but for some reason felt pretty confident that it would be fine so I even went by myself to the scan (husband had a job interview).

Lay there for what seemed forever before the nurse said she could find no heartbeat. Baby measuring right for 9 weeks but no Hb. She called another person in to confirm, which she did.

I've now been told to either wait for natural m/c or to have a D&C next Friday. I'm having no more blood or cramping so I'm scared the natural route will take a long time. I don't know how I will cope with a 4 year old to look after and working, while constantly wondering when I'm going to bleed out a my pregnancy.

I don't know what advice I'm looking for really just needed to get this Out there in a place where other people will understand ...

I'm terrified I won't be able to give my son a sibling. He always talks about when he gets his 'little brother' bless him. He didn't know about this pregnancy but I feel desperately guilty and sad for him.

[MagpieCursedTea]

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Are you back home with your DH now?
Please don't feel guilty, it's nothing you've done wrong