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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

I am going through another late miscarriage

73 replies

marmiteontoast76 · 22/02/2016 15:33

I really can't believe this is happening again. Lost our little girl at 20 week scan in the summer, no cause found. We got pregnant a month later and have been having weekly scans throughout. We saw him at scan at 17 weeks and he was perfect. Couldn't feel much movement so had emergency scan yesterday and he was gone.

How am I ever going to get over this? I'm at home waiting for labour to start and am completely heartbroken.

Doctors said the chances of this are incredibly rare. Why me.

OP posts:
KittyandTeal · 23/02/2016 13:39

Very cruel indeed. It's not something anyone should ever go through, especially not twice.

Will you be able to lay him to rest with his sister?

Original poster
marmiteontoast76 · 23/02/2016 13:45

Thank you again for the replies and so sorry for your losses too.
He will be cremated and we will scatter his ashes, along with his sister's, somewhere special.

OP posts:
Northernlurker · 23/02/2016 20:12

I'm so sorry for your loss. This happened to friends of mine as well. Also discovered at 20 weeks and no reason obvious. They did go on to have a successful pregnancy subsequently.

toadierocks · 23/02/2016 20:54

I'm so sorry for your losses. I've been thinking about you and this thread all day Flowers

MrsGlam · 23/02/2016 21:01

I am really sorry to hear you are having to go through this again!
I have also had 2 late miscarriages 19+1 and 20+6. I have no explanation for mine either...
Sending lots of love. PM me if you want to chat to someone :)
But a little bit of hope I am currently 31+4 weeks pregnant with no issues this time.

DingbatsFur · 23/02/2016 21:03

So sorry for your loss op.

Xmasbaby11 · 23/02/2016 21:06

I'm so sorry for your loss. you sound like you have an amazing lovely family and you will get through it. Please take any support offered and be gentle with yourself as recovering will take a lot of time and strength. My thoughts are with you.

Original poster
marmiteontoast76 · 25/02/2016 11:23

Baby boy delivered yesterday afternoon in hospital. It was quick and painless and we were home by evening. He only measured 17.5 weeks. Held him in a tiny basket.
We are having the full post mortem done and also extra tests on me for blood clotting disorders and thyroid. We've also been referred to a specialist miscarriage clinic. X

OP posts:
mummytummy3 · 25/02/2016 11:56

Take care marmitetoast.

cbigs · 25/02/2016 12:22

Aw marmite, that's just awful you poor thing . ThanksThankshope you're getting rest and being kind to yourself . Xx

Roomba · 25/02/2016 12:40

Oh, Marmite - I am so so sorry. How utterly cruel life is sometimes. I have no words of wisdom, but I hope you can get some answers as to why this has happened.

Original poster
marmiteontoast76 · 25/02/2016 13:31

Thank you.
Forgot to say before, about to turn 40 so feel like my body is telling me to stop this child bearing business.

OP posts:
Earlyday · 25/02/2016 15:10

I had miscarriages at 11 weeks - so I can't imagine having it at your stage as it must be so much more difficult.

I saw the babies I had - they were tiny. But it was good to see them - their tiny faces and fingers. I felt like I did the right thing seeing them and saying goodbye.

What are the options now - do you bury the baby?

Earlyday · 25/02/2016 15:17

I read this poem a lot after my miscarriages.

Too Soon

This was a life
That had hardly begun
No time to find
Your place in the sun
No time to do
All you could have done
But we loved you enough for a lifetime

No time to enjoy
The world and it's wealth
No time to take life
Down off the shelf
No time to sing
The song of yourself
Though you had enough love for a lifetime

Those who live long
Endure sadness and tears
But you'll never suffer
The sorrowing years;
No betrayal, no anger,
No hatred, no fears
Just love, only love, in your lifetime.

annaif · 25/02/2016 16:09

I am so terribly sorry to read your post, words fail me really, all I can do is offer my sincerest sympathy. I lost our second DS at 20 weeks, in Sept' 2014 and will never ever forget it. This scars you for life and you never get over it, you simply learn to live with it.
Thankfully you have a loving husband and two healthy children who will be your source of strength. I don't know how I would have coped if not for our precious little 4 year old son, who's still our only living child.
big hug my dear

Original poster
marmiteontoast76 · 25/02/2016 21:45

Thanks for sharing the beautiful poem Earlyday and sorry for your losses.
Sorry for your tragic loss too annaif. Wss there a reason found for your late loss?

OP posts:
regularbutpanickingabit · 26/02/2016 10:30

I am so sorry x

madwomanacrosstheroad · 26/02/2016 10:46

I am so sorry for you. I delivered a little boy in 2011 at 21 weeks. He measured a few weeks smaller. We went for th postmortem and they did find a reason (downs with associated heart desease). When waiting for the full postmortem I got quite impatient and ended up phoning paediatric pathology. I was lucky in speaking to the person who had done the postmortem and she took the time to talk me through it. In our case they were still waiting for some genetics to come back to confirm but he had markers re face and ears. She explained that in her opinion most of the late miscarriages are due to genetics. The post mortems test for a range of conditions. Some can't be tested for, are too rare or not identified.
I always felt that info was quite comforting and helped me to stop beating myself up about my body having been unable to carry /protect my baby.
It is just so horrendous and I can't imagine going through it twice.

Original poster
marmiteontoast76 · 26/02/2016 11:01

Thanks for your long reply and so sorry for your late loss. I think info like that would be comforting to us too. Interesting what she said about most late miscarriages are due to genetics.....from googling most articles say early miscarriages are due to genetics and lates are due to problem with the mother, so good to hear an expert telling their opinion of the facts.

OP posts:
goshhhhhh · 26/02/2016 11:10

I'm really sorry for your loss. It must be awful. This happened to my friend. She had two late miscarriages after her first dc. She now has 4 dc. I know it was hard for her & she got through it with lots of love and support. I wish you that.

madwomanacrosstheroad · 26/02/2016 12:36

Please get of Google! You are in shock. Yes I did the same but from what I remember athe thing about late pregnancies due to the mother is often something known as Hughes syndrome. I think in recent years this is much more recognised and easily treatable. However you had two healthy children before, so your body is able to sustain pregnancies properly. I don't know what age you are but as we get older some of our eggs had more chances to have undergone mutations that then can cause genetic defects. My theory is that some women who have had a few kids are actually better at nurturing a baby that is not compatible with life that wee bit longer as their bodies have more experience of being pregnant. Also if your baby was measuring a few weeks behind, he obviously faded gently and slowly and your body tried to sustain the pregnancy for longer.

Original poster
marmiteontoast76 · 26/02/2016 12:49

Yes I think I agree with your theory and yes I need to stay away from google. It is difficult though when it's just me and my phone alone in bed.....I google things too much when I'm bored. Today is a better day though and I have more energy so having a clear out.

OP posts:
Original poster
marmiteontoast76 · 26/02/2016 12:53

And my possible decreasing of egg quality is something I don't want to admit to myself. A friend of mine pleaded with me not to try for a baby at my age as "your eggs would be all manky".

OP posts:
Original poster
marmiteontoast76 · 26/02/2016 13:33

.....I'm 39 by the way. X

OP posts:
madwomanacrosstheroad · 26/02/2016 13:36

Look your friends argument is not so helpful. I have the dubious claim to fame that I was pregnant once in my 20s, twice in my 30s and three times in my 40s.
The last baby (the one I lost) was at 45 but I had a healthy baby at 44. I did feel a need to try after the last baby and did discuss it with the obstetric consultant who saw me after the results of the full post mortem. To her credit she did not declare me insane but said likely hood is if the egg is "manky" the baby will not make it but chances of a healthy baby are much better than people think even in your 40s if you are still able to get pregnant. I just never became pregnant again.