Five years ago I suffered a miscarriage and dealt with it very badly. I am incredibly lucky as I have gone on to have two incredibly beautiful and perfect boys for which I am eternally grateful. The problem is that I can stop thinking about my lost little one. I think about him more than anyone knows but this last couple of months it seems to have switched up a gear and I can get him out of my mind. I cry the second I think about him and my heart just breaks all over again.
DH dealt with it really well but he developed a degree of frustration when I couldn't move on. I became slightly irrational in my grief and he just couldn't understand it, which made me hide it from that point onwards. I don't want him to sound like a monster, he is a wonderful DH in so many ways but for him emotions are very straight forward and he can't understand it when people don't deal with things. I don't want to tell him how I'm feeling now because I think in the long run it will stress me out even more trying to get him to understand.
I have very few friends and my closest ones are all going through some horrible situations at the moment and don't need burdening with this. I don't have any contact with my family.
I guess I just feel lost. I don't know why I'm posting, I just don't know how to get a grip. I never want to forget him but I can carry on feeling like this. I know I should just be grateful for the two angels I have, so many people aren't so lucky, but I just can't let him go. I don't know what to do or where to turn, I just want to stop crying.