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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

Miscarried at 10 weeks

13 replies

Cindarelli · 27/01/2016 11:58

Hi just needed to talk about it because I feel OK one minute then crying and angry the next and also just wanted to share my experience as it was not what I was told to expect.

I started to bleed at 10 weeks and went to the hospital and the baby measured 8 weeks and they said it was a missed miscarriage. I decided I would go home and let nature take its course 2 days later I started having awful pains, didn't feel like period pains! I was on the toilet most of the night/early morning and pain was getting worse and worse and then I found out the baby and sac was stuck and I had to pull it out myself as it was just not pushing out, worst experience of my life! I then flushed my baby away in total shock at what had happened and now I feel completely awful at flushing my baby away.

Afterwards I felt like I kept weeing myself but it was blood and big flesh like clots which were also just as painful sorry tmi.

I wish I had known to expect this especially the baby and sac getting stuck and causing more pain until I realised.

I just want to feel normal again I'm still bleeding and feel empty, I had made so many plans we were so excited for our first baby.

Thanks for reading I just needed to talk.

OP posts:
Vixxfacee · 03/02/2016 16:07

How are you feeling today?

Original poster
Cindarelli · 03/02/2016 16:29

I'm actually feeling ok I have taken up crocheting and that has helped me focus on something else. I'm still bleeding and wish it would stop, I'll be back to work on Monday so hopefully I will be ready then well I know I won't ever get over it but I want to be able to live with it and today I am living with it, fingers crossed for tomorrow. Thank you for asking xxx

OP posts:
Vixxfacee · 05/02/2016 21:57

How are you feeling?

Aibuaddict · 05/02/2016 22:09

So sorry for your loss. Thanks

Miscarriage is so awful and so misunderstood. I hope your return to work goes ok. I remember having a quiet weep at my desk before the rest of my pod arrived when I returned.

Don't let anyone try to diminish your experience or tell you how you should grieve. Wishing you courage in the coming weeks and months.

Original poster
Cindarelli · 06/02/2016 09:51

Thank you xxx

OP posts:
Original poster
Cindarelli · 06/02/2016 09:54

My mood keeps dipping one minute I'm ok the next I'm not, hormones!

How are you? Thanks for asking xxx

OP posts:
Vixxfacee · 06/02/2016 10:25

Are you resting up at home? Hope you have someone with you. You have all the hormones in you too.

mumnosbest · 06/02/2016 10:35

Hop you're feeling ok. I too had a missed miscarriage early on (14wks). In addition to the physical pain what upset me for a long time (even now) was that I felt less entitled to grieve because it was so early on. Someone said to me that as soon as you know you are pg you become a mother and have imagined your future with that child so it really doesn't matter how early on it happens.

Make time for yourself to grieve and take care of yourself xx

Original poster
Cindarelli · 06/02/2016 10:46

Aww so sorry for your loss x

I did all of that but I assumed everything was going to be ok. I do have my moments but it's harder when my friend expects me to be ok now, she has never had a miscarriage and has 3 healthy children so she doesn't know how it feels. It's her birthday today and I don't want to go out and drink but she thinks I should and that I should feel OK now it's frustrating but it's not her fault I'm not sure I would totally understand if it didn't happen to me x

OP posts:
mumnosbest · 06/02/2016 10:58

I'm amazed at how many people have been through the same thing. It's not the sort of thing that crops up in conversation but I know so many colleagues and friends that have been through the same and are understanding. Until you've been through it there's no way to know how it feels. Don't feel like you have to put on a brave face. I'm sure your friend has good intentions but you should only do things when you are ready not because you feel you should x

Scrowy · 06/02/2016 11:15

Miscarriage is an utterly lonely experience. Only people who have been through it can really understand. Just look after yourself and do what you feel up to doing. I didn't. I only had three days off work and put a brave face on to everyone. I really regret that now.

Original poster
Cindarelli · 06/02/2016 12:00

I feel ready to go back to work but I'm definitely not ready to go out for a drink. Thank you all for your support it really has helped me xxx

OP posts:
Original poster
Cindarelli · 06/02/2016 12:02

Sorry scrowy, can't you take time off now? Give yourself a break xxx

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