8 weeks since miscarriage

[RoTo72]

Hi. Many of u will know my story, (this is not my first post). Found out 8 weeks ago tomorrow I had a missed miscarriage.
On the third week I felt a lot better, felt like I had accepted what happened and was ready to move on. Oh how wrong I was. 8 weeks on I'm still breaking down, still aching for my angel. I want my baby so bad it physically hurts. I am trying to put a normal face on, for my son and even for my partner. I'm not sleeping at nights to after 4am. All I'm doing is cooking and cleaning. I realised earlier I actually haven't left my house in 9 days. One day is blending into the next. I find myself watching tv r the news and thinking how awful the world is and how much suffering and pain people have to go through is just cruel. I start counselling on Tuesday and I really hope it helps me deal with things and live. I don't think Il ever "get over it" and i know there will be bad days and things will make me sad, but id really like to go out, sleep and eat again. I have no enthusiasm for anything. I feel I'm going thru the motions of living. Sorry for rant, my.post has no flow, but neither does my thought process at the moment

That's it Loki. We have to do what helps. Iv started posting some quotes on fb, haven't said anything about what happened to myself yet. But iv been getting loads of PMs this past few weeks asking where Iv been and.is everything ok. Iv been pretty silent on it the whole time. I'm not looking a pity party just an explanation as to why I'm not myself. I never.usually post anything personal.at all. Usually animal rescue centre posts, autism awareness posts and pics of my dogs

How are you Ro? Xx

Hi obsessed. Up and down. But think now I'm just sad rather than manic if.that makes sense? I made a memory box, had a makeshift one but got a nice one and when I'm low I just take 10 min and cry with it. It seems to help rather than try to bottle it up. I also started counselling last week. We went to the baby garden in the cemetery yesterday where bubs ashes r scattered, that was lovely. I'm heading back to work next week. How r u doing obsessed? Have been thinking about you? How did u get on last week

I'm pleased the memory box has helped, that's a lovely idea. I'm finding comfort in the Angel teddy Christmas dec

My acupuncture was good, felt really relaxed after and she was lovely. My situ is different to you in that we are trying again and so it was to get cycle back on track etc. I actually ended up being bang in the middle of my cycle and gearing up for ovulation so she said it was a really good time to start with her. We shall see if my period arrives in a couple of weeks or not.
I also saw her about migraines which she thinks she can treat.
I still find it hard at times - hit me hard today with a friend announcing that they were having a girl of Facebook, we would have been finding out the sex about now I think
Xx

Meant to say I'm finding comfort in the Angel teddy Christmas decoration that I meant to put in the left with the others but instead it's on hanging on my mirror so I look at it while drying my hair in the morning.

Wee things can offer comfort. This would have been the week we.would have had the 20 week scan. I'm making an effort to go out walking everyday. Started cooking and baking again but some days I just go thru the motions I guess it will be like.that from now. I do believe its something I'm not going to get over, just something I'm going to have to learn to live with. Hope the acupuncture helps, I had it before for a bad back and headaches and thought it was fantastic. And I really hope u get ur bundle in the not too distant future. Please let me know how u get on. X

You are sweet Ro - well done you for getting out walking, I've turned into such lazy mare, I put on about a stone while pregnant and just don't seem to have the motivation to loose it. Got my brother in laws wedding on 1st April (it was cheaper!) and I was counting on being pregnant so in my head no need to worry about loosing weight! Now I really need to do something so I don't look like a complete frump!

Need to get out walking , that's a good start, you've inspired me thank you. And of course I'll let you know if you want xx

💕

How are you doing Ro? I keep thinking about you xxx

Hi RoTo - I just wanted to say that I know exactly how you are feeling. I had a MMC over Christmas, I it medically managed, but it wasn't successful and I got very unwell so I had to have surgery the week before last, which was something I really didn't want to do. I have a little boy (4) and a partner and it would of been my partner's first child too.

I've found it incredibly impossible to to leave the house and re-engage with life. I decided though, that for me, I had to force myself back into things. Last week at work was horrible and I felt really uncomfortable, but this week I have turned a massive corner and am starting to get the old me back. I think forcing myself back into normality has literally been a life saver.

In addition to that, I have also started a course of Solution Focused Hypnotherapy, which has been incredible. I didn't want to go down the counselling route because I find talking about it all emotionally and physically draining. I also have a very troubled past and didn't want to be going back there either. The hypnotherapy I have been having is all very positive and is about the here and now and looking forward.

I don't know whether what I've said has helped, but I just wanted to share my journey in the hopes you can take something from it. xx

Hi ladies. Ak. Thanks for your reply, sorry for your loss. It really is a shitty thing to go thru, glad your therapy is helping you, whatever needs to be done to get ua thru this. Cant believe it will be 3 months next week since miscarriage.
Obsessed I'm getting there. Back to work last week and everyone was lovely. Had a bit of a wobble earlier this week, but took myself into the bathroom to calm down. Was at a family party on Saturday night, that was my first time out socially since September. I was so anxious about going but went, didn't lose it and even managed a few dances with my dad.
Counselling is definitely helping, the girl is so lovely it's like having a good chat with a friend. Yesterdays session was particularly draining, was the first time I actually broke down crying during it.
How r u doing now obsessed?

HI
Glad you are feeling more positive - I bet your dad loved a dance with you! And I'm glad the counselling is helping. I've found great comfort in some acupuncture that I've been having, I think just doing something is better than nothing.
On a very quiet positive note, and only as you asked - I did a preg test last week which came back positive! I am absolutely terrified but trying to keep positive. I've actually listened to a few meditation downloads about positive thinking for pregnancy and they seem to help a bit. OH has completely ignored the fact which I know is his way of protecting himself and me but i must admit is a bit frustrating. I'm trying hard to distract myself. We've got a family wedding on 1st april so that is keeping me focused for the moment (my dd is bridesmaid) and by that time I'll be about 12 weeks hopefully. Anyway - love to you and I often think of you as I look at my little teddy angel on my mirror - so it was really nice to hear that you are feeling better. Keep in touch xx

Oh obsessed I'm absolutely delighted for for you! No point me saying not to worry as I know its impossible but try your best to relax. I'll keep everything crossed for you and your ba. Please keep me posted on how you get on. ❤

Thank you Ro - I'm trying my hardest to just forget about it to be honest! xxx

That's understandable luv. I really wish u all the best xxx

Thx xxx

How are you Ro? Came back on here as had been thinking about you. How are you?

Hi Jo. Thanks for asking. On the whole I'm doing better. Still miss my bub and think about her , still cry most days, but normal life is slowly resuming. Back to work, have been slowly catching up with friends, albeit over the phone. My sil called today from Derry, haven't seen her since before Christmas had a lovely day with her and her two kids. Its johns 50th next month and iv booked a weekend away for us, so something to look forward to. How r u doing? Hope things r going good for you. X