Hi,
This is my first post, but over the last few weeks I've read many other threads and have found them to be hugely supportive. It is both comforting and devastating to read other people's accounts of such a traumatic time. I am so sorry for anyone who has gone through or is going through a miscarriage. I want to share my experience for selfish reasons (I hope it will help me to process what has happened) and in the hope that others may find some comfort in that they are not alone.
This was my first pregnancy. My husband and I started ttc soon after getting married last summer. I had been on the pill for 7 years and so we expected it to take a while. It didn't and I was slightly shocked (and thrilled) to find out I was pregnant after our first month of trying. The first 8 weeks were uneventful. In fact I worried my symptoms were too mild but tried to listen to close friends who told me I was lucky. We were looking forward to telling friends and family after Christmas.
On New Year's Day, I had some bleeding. It wasn't a lot but terrified me. I spoke to NHS direct and was advised to rest for the weekend, but the light bleeding continued. I was lucky to get a scan for the Tuesday but I think I knew that something was wrong. They couldn't find anything on the scan at all! I'd prepared myself for no heartbeat, but nothing?!
At this point, I found the doctors extremely unhelpful. I was confused and frightened and no one really explained what was going on or what to expect. I was told it was very unlikely to be a 'viable pregnancy' and either I was miscarrying or it was a molar pregnancy. They did a blood test and sent me home, with instructions to come back in 48 hrs for another blood test. I understand this is normal procedure but in hindsight I am shocked that I wasn't told more about what to expect. Reading threads such as those on mumsnet helped a little that evening.
That night I experienced pain and heavy bleeding. I actually felt relieved that I thought it was a 'normal' miscarriage and that my body was doing it naturally.
However rpt blood tests showed my hcg levels were dropping but still high and Drs were worried about the initial scan looking abnormal so they suggested an erpc. I fought this because I am terrified of hospitals (silly I know) and because I was convinced my body was miscarrying naturally. In the end I felt pressured into the operation (Drs talked about cancer) and went ahead.
For me, the day surgery was traumatic due to my fears but rationally I know it was fine. It was quick, I had very little pain afterwards and was able to go home 2 hours later (I was desperate to get out of there). The nurses and surgeon looked after me fantastically well and did their very best to reassure me. We have to wait 2 weeks to find out if it is molar although the surgeon said she didn't think it was.
The operation was 4 days ago now. I've had very little bleeding but some aches and pains (paracetamol worked). I'm most worried because I just don't feel myself and I don't know if this is normal. I am weak, often dizzy and faint and I'm not sleeping.
I still don't think I've come to terms with what has happened emotionally I have been so caught up with my physical feelings. I've got so many unanswered questions:
How long will bleeding and pain last? When will I feel myself again? Is feeling tired and dizzy something to worry about? When can we try again?
Probably all questions I should have asked the Drs but at the time my mind was elsewhere.
If anyone else would feel willing to share their experiences or answer my questions I would really appreciate it. I am very very sorry to anyone else having to go through any of this. (Sorry for such a long post!)