Support needed - termination at 20 weeks due to abnormalities

[izzytwobells]

Hello,
My husband and I are 20 weeks pregnant with our first baby. The 12 weeks scan was normal and I've had a good pregnancy. Today we had the 20 week scan and we found out that our baby girl has abnormalities in her brain and heart. The Dr said she wouldn't survive much longer, so we have had to terminate the pregnancy. I've taken the first tablet and then I'm getting this done at hospital on Friday. We feel so lost, helpless and devastated.

My Mum also has just been diagnosed with cancer and lives in Australia, I've just returned from visiting her and we spent so much time baby shopping and getting ready for the arrival. It all feels like a nightmare.

I just don't know how we are going to get through this time. We want to try for another baby when we feel able to, but I'm so scared this will happen again. The Dr said its highly likely that this is not an inherited condition but we have to wait 8 weeks to find out what happened to our baby.
I've never posted on here before, but I would be grateful for any advice from people who have been through similar situations. How are we supposed to go back to normal life, work etc, when this has happened? It all feels like a horrible dream. Thank you for reading.

I've been through this. The charity ARC have been my lifeline. I would strongly recommend chatting with them when you feel strong enough. Also, I found the worst thing was that my breasts were leaking milk and very painful afterwards. Pls ask them to prescribe you cabergolin (sp?) and this will stop it. If they don't, I found wearing tight sports bras also helped. Xx

I too have been through this, I was 21 weeks when I had my son, it's very very hard, it was my first pregnancy too. Like others have said sands and arc are great for support. You will get through this, it takes time to heal, I was 35 when it happened and I thought I'd never have kids, it took me a year to fall pregnant again, I think the stress had a lot to do with taking so long to fall as the only thing I wanted was a baby, people uses to say I will have a baby and I never believed them, I now have two healthy girls, 3.5 year old and a 4 month old, please believe me when I say u will be a mummy, I'm so sorry for your loss, be gentle on yourself xx

OP also wanted to say I'm thinking of you, hope you're back home now and physically recovering. Don't feel any pressure to come back and update the thread, sometimes it's the last thing you can face, but I hope it's a comfort to know people are thinking of you through this nightmare time xx

OP I'm so sorry you're going through this :( Do check out the charity Remember My Baby if you wish to have photos of your baby, they use volunteer professional photographers to provide free high quality photos to people in your situation.

Thank you all for your messages of support. It was a painful day and took 11 hours. I had an excellent midwife, but to be on the labour ward and hear other mothers delivering their healthy babies was horrible I'm not in any physical pain anymore, but the toll it had taken on me emotionally is unbelievable. I've never felt so low and lost.
Your stories of getting pregnant again have given me a lot of hope, so thank you. We are going to wait until I get my next period and then try again. I think being proactively trying for another baby will help my healing process.
Hopefully next time I post on this thread it will be to update you all on my healthy pregnancy and baby.
Lots of love xxxx

So glad you've had a good midwife and I'm sorry it was such a long labour for you, it's exhausting on so many levels. I felt such an unbearable emptiness as we came home from hospital and for a long time afterwards, it is a feeling of being utterly crushed. I hope you have RL support, though there's plenty of folk on here, ARC, SANDS too who will gladly listen and share online if you find you need it.

I understand that need to be pregnant again and wish you a speedy physical recovery and have everything crossed you conceive again soon. I had my period 6 weeks after my 20 week delivery, and conceived that cycle. DD2 was born healthy nearly 11 months after we lost DD1.

All the best to you, I'm so sorry about everything

Ah my thoughts are with you, I too hated giving birth in the labour ward, I felt so angry that all my pain would result to nothing, however I too felt the same as you after, I just wanted a baby, as I said before I thought I never would but I have two now, you will have a healthy baby in time, and the hospital will give you lots of support, thinking of you. Take care of u and hubby (book a holiday if u can as more likely to conceive when relaxed and away from the stresses) xx