Such a lonely grief

[canto3]

Two years ago today was my EDD. My baby would be 2 now. Sometimes it feels as though they never existed. As if I made it all up. They only existed inside my body. How could they matter to anyone else?

There is nothing tangible to prove their existence. They only matter to me. They never had a name. No photographs. Photographs of 12-week foetuses are printed, texted, emailed and framed. Who wants a photograph of a dead baby? No notes, they took those back once they knew the baby was dead. Only a date in my head and an NHS exemption card, long since expired.

It feels so lonely sometimes. One small plastic card. It seems such a small amount for such a huge amount of pain.

So sorry for your loss -I have experienced this too, so I have some idea. I have 2 children, but had more pregnancies. I bought a piece of jewellery which reminds me of all my babies.

I am 10 years down the line -it does become less raw, but the jewellery is such a comfort.

Thanks Nishky. I already have 2DC. I know how lucky I am to have them.

But we are now officially infertile. Two and a half years since our baby died, and not a sniff of another pregnancy

I am so very sorry x