Really need positive stories about how you overcame a late miscarriage and managed to conceive again

[Mrsbadger77]

I lost my baby at 16 weeks and at 38 I'm so worried I won't manage to conceive again. Mainly due to my age but also thinking that there is something really wrong with me to caused a late loss. I already have a dd who I am so grateful for.
Can anyone give me something positive to cling to. My heart is breaking.

Huge hugs to all of you. Breaks my heart that you've all suffered too.

It's now been 6 weeks since we lost our baby. The 20 week scan showed no heartbeat. I could see our tiny lifeless baby on the screen, that image will haunt me forever. Baby only weighed 35g so prob died around 14 weeks just after we had announced our preg news to everyone. Was told it could be partial molar and made us wait 3 weeks for results. Thankfully wasn't that. 6 weeks on and we still don't know the cause, they've sent us pages and pages of results but they are all in medical jargon that we don't understand. I'm taking them to my gp on Thurs to see if she can make sense of the. Supposed to have 6 week check at hosp but no sign of that even though I've chased.

Baby so small that couldn't quite tell sex so part of placenta was sent off for tests but no news yet. It was strange having a cremation service when we didn't know gender.

So 6 weeks on and I'm back to normal life and work but can't shake that awful heavy feeling of loss and sadness. I already have 2 dcs aged 6 and 4 and they are the only thing getting me through this awful time.

I turn 39 in 2 weeks. As no cause for this has been found I'm blaming it all on my age and bad eggs. Desperate to get pregnant again really soon though so there might be a possibilty of having dc3 at 39 instead of in my 40s which may sound ridiculous to some.

Had just one period since which was pretty awful and now doing ovulation sticks. Would like to try again in Nov but dh thinks too soon.

So sorry for all of your loses but it helps knowing there are others going through this. I was feeling so alone in it all.

Hugs to you marmite xxxx they couldn't tell the sex on ours either but hoping genetic tests might reveal that, I am just one week post loss, different triggers set me off crying xxx

marmite good to hear from you again. What a sad story. We are starting to think what we'd like for our son as a funeral. I just can't bear to think about it and so Dh is sorting it. We were told it would take 12 weeks for post Mortem tests on the placenta to come back. I can't believe they've just sent you a load of results with no explanation. Can you ring up the consultant? A go may not understand them either.

Just for Today for Bereaved Parents
By Vickie Tushingham
Just for today I will try to live through the next 24 hours and not expect to get over my child's death, but instead learn to live with it just one day at a time.
Just for today I will forgive all the family and friends who didn't help or comfort me the way I needed them to. They truly did not know how.
Just for today I will smile no matter how much I hurt on the inside, so that maybe my heart will soften and I will begin to heal.
Just for today I will reach out to comfort a relative or friend of my child, for they are hurting, too, and perhaps we can comfort each other.
Just for today I will free myself from my self-inflicted burden of guilt, for deep in my heart I know if there was anything in this world I could have done to save my child from death, I would have done it.
Just for today I will honor my child's memory by doing something with another child because I know that would have made my own child proud.
Just for today I will offer my hand in friendship to another bereaved parent, for I do know how they feel.
Just for today when my heart feels like breaking, I will stop and remember that grief is the price we pay for loving, and the only reason I hurt is because I had the privilege of loving so much.
Just for today I will not compare myself with others. I am fortunate to be who I am and have had my child for as long as I did.
Just for today I will allow myself to be happy, for I know that I am not deserting my child by living on.
Just for today I will accept that I did not die when my child did, my life did go on, and I am the only one who can make that life worthwhile once more.

Wow that's lovely probablyme xxx

That's beautiful. More tears xx

Sometimes it's not taking taking it one day at a time, it's just one breath at a time x

Feeling very emotional today. Just deleted Facebook app as it's covered in babies, scan photos and pregnant bellies. Five days since it happened. I wish I could fast forward about six months instead of having to live through all the pain. Hope everyone else is doing better than me.

I feel your pain Mrs badger, 9 days since I birthed tiny sleeping baby. I just check my Facebook notifications as I'm in touch with some local bereavement charities but I never look at my news feed for same reason as you. Haven't been out of the house either, so tired and emotional, lying down and sleeping a lot in the mornings

My dh went back to work yesterday and he found it hard to concentrate and said it felt so strange that so much had happened in our life in a week yet the world was just carrying on as normal

Sorry to everyone for their losses.
I had a mc at 12 weeks and then got pg by accident 1 week later, I had no idea as I was told it could take up to 8 weeks for my periods to return. When I told people I think they thought I was delusional and my Mum actually said " no you aren't, don't you remember?"
I was effectively pg for a year and now have a 10 year old as well as a 6 year old.
I was 33 when I had my daughter and 38 when I had my son.
Best of luck to everyone who is trying

Thankyou hopping
I really appreciate this thread being so active as there aren't many people that I can offload to time and time again like this who understand

freshbread I hear you. I am so grateful for it. My DH is going back to work tomorrow but I think he would rather take the rest of the week off. I have the rest of this week then next week is half term so I'm thinking I'll probably go back to work the week after that. Thank god I never made an announcement at work because as I've said before I've always suspected this would happen. My line manager and Slt know but that's it so thankfully I won't have to talk about it if anyone asks me how I am. I left the house this morning to have coffee with Dh but I just couldn't get back home quick enough.
I've got my mother staying until next week which is so comforting and thankfully she's not been asking me any questions. She's cooking shopping and cleaning for us not to mention looking after Dd.

hoppinggreen wow that was quick work. Not even on my radar atm as I have bleeding and soreness and have no desire whatsoever and I'm sure Dh feels the same plus the fact that having a late miscarriage requires a lot of investigation and tests so I need to wait for the results of those before we try. I also have to wait for my CMV to be inactive as well. But I'm glad it all worked out for you.

IT was a bit of a shock for all concerned!!!
Apparently the consultant who did my procedure mentioned contraception but it didn't really register at the time.

Hope everyone is OK today xx

Yes I hope everyone is ok too. It had all gone a bit quiet. I had a bad day yesterday. Went to the playground with dd and mum and started getting all teary watching gorgeous did running round so happy and just thinking what a brilliant big sister she'd be etc. so any way the library is next door to the playground and I popped in with some books that needed bringing back and saw a lovely friend of mine who is a bout 2 weeks of giving birth and I actually hid behind some books to avoid talking to her. Couldn't face the bump, talk of babies and me feeling teary I really didn't want to talk a bout what had happened especially since she didn't know I had been pregnant. I feel rally awful for doing this and eventually I am going to have to make contact with her or else I'll lose her as friend as we haven't known each other that long.
Been reading so,e threads on mn which have made me feel better too. Amazingly one pregnancy thread about people over 40. That gave me so much hope that maybe I still have a chance to have a successful pregnancy.

I had a second trimester miscarriage last year at 17 weeks. Everything had looked perfect and normal, we had lots of scans (due to my history of recurring miscarriages), and a really good one at 12 weeks. However, my combined screening came back with a very high risk for Downs. Tried the Harmony test twice, it failed, and then finally decided to have the amnio because we had to know what was going on. But when we went in to have it, there was no heartbeat anymore. They reckon it had died around 14 weeks...
We decided to have all the tests and the post-mortem, and it turned out the baby had Edwards syndrome (trisomy 18).

It took me a long time to work through that - I had had 3 miscarriages before that, and had thought that finally I had been lucky. I had counselling, which helped a lot. As did many threads on MN, especially the 'TTC after MC' ones - definitely can recommend you to check it out, if you haven't already.

We then tried to give it another go, and I found it incredibly hard - ttc after mc is really really tough. I am well aware that at my age (43), the odds are not exactly in my favour - esp as 2 of my 4 mcs were found to be due to chromosomal abnormalities.

But - I am now 30 weeks pregnant, and everything is looking good - I still struggle sometimes to believe that this is real. But it is possible, don't give up hope. I never thought I would get here!
Give yourself time - don't rush things. You need time to grieve, time to figure out what you want. There will be bad days, but they will gradually become less and less frequent. Do what you feel you need to do - it's OK to avoid people! You have been through so much, it takes time to muddle through. The pain never goes away, but it becomes manageable.

You have every chance for a successful pregnancy, don't give up hope. I had DS when I was 39, and this pregnancy was a natural conception without intervention. I was given progesterone in the first trimester and have to take heparin, so maybe discuss with your consultant at the follow-up meeting what would happen, should you decide to try again. The tend to take late miscarriages more seriously, so chances are that you will receive much more antenatal care next time.
We had a long chat with our consultant, and he was very positive about my chances, in spite of my age. So it should look even better for you.

Good luck with whatever you decide to try and when! xx

cloudjumper thank you for taking the time to write such a kind and detailed response. Just thought I'd have a quick look on here before going to sleep. I'm glad I did it might help me sleep better. Had a bit of a cry on my mum earlier for the first time today as I'd been holding it all in. I just really need positive stories like yours to keep me going. Congratulations on your pregnancy you deserve to have all the happiness in the world after what you've been through xx

Thankyou Mrs badger and cloud jumper, I had looked at other threads but couldn't find a current one, I will keep watching this one but if you have found any other helpful ones could you please post a link for me?
I felt teary today seeing two sisters holding hands, dd keeps talking about being a big sister, it breaks my heart she would be such a great big sister and we were all ready for that to happen. This morning she drew a picture and said "mummy this is the baby, and this is heaven and this is Jesus looking after the baby" I choked back the tears then went into the bathroom to cry

freshbread that sort of thing gets me too. Sorry you had a difficult time yesterday. How old is your DC? Mine is three and hasn't asked for a sibling yet but I'm sure she will as all her friends have one. I found it quite comforting yesterday as we went out for Sunday lunch there were three tables with single children older then dd. everywhere I go seems to be toddler plus baby these days. I've also been googling older sleb mums and finding out that a lot a lot of the had babies at 40 or older eg Kate Garraway, Tess Daly, Nadia Sawalha, Amanda Holden.... I'm really sad but that also gives me hope! I really have to struggle to banish the negative thoughts in my head like what if it takes two years again and then I miscarry. Or what if they find there is some thing really wrong with me or what if I have no eggs left and have an early menopause. These things keep popping up and when they do I try to read some of the stories on here. How old are you freshbread? I would definitely try to adopt of I can't get pregnant as I just don't think I could bear little dd on her own. I also feel the family is not complete and I desperately want to love another another child. I hope today is better for us.

How you are feeling is very similar to me Mrs badger. My dd is nearly four. It took us nearly two years to get pregnant this time, during that time we tried healthy eating, exercise, clomid then iui which didn't work, then herbal tablets, so upsetting after all that for it to end at 17 weeks, now I'm exhausted and feel back to square one trying to build up fitness and stamina again. I'm nearly 35. I find it hard to be patient but these things always take time don't they! Hard for it not to be all consuming. Are you on any other threads too Mrs badger?

No this is the only one I'm on as I couldn't really find another one that was relevant. So heart breaking for you to have so much to go through and have it end. At least you've got age in your side I'm so scared that it's too late for me now but just have to keep remembering that there are people same age and older having babies. Yes it is all consuming. Dropped my dd off at pre school and I'm going shopping now with DM. As soon as I dropped her I just felt lost. She is the only thing keeping me going.
I just wish I could magically be pregnant again as it's going to be after Christmas earliest before we can start trying. I really want to be pregnant again before dd starts asking for a sibling. That must be so hard.

Yes my dd knew I was pregnant and kept talking about how she was going to be a great big sister then we had to sit her down and tell her baby had died. She still says she is a big sister

That's so heartbreaking for you. Going to look at look at children's clothes today in John Lewis was a big mistake. I had to walk past lots of cots, prams, high hairs and various other baby paraphernalia. Cue tears and snot. How are you feeling today freshbread and anyone else reading?