When to stop?

[chelle792]

I've come on to post about a conversation I had with OH yesterday and read a similar post to what I'm about to write. I didn't want to hijack that thread as I'm in a slightly different situation.

We lit our wave of light candle last night in remembrance of our baby we lost at 11 weeks only 6 weeks ago. It was a sad and poignant moment for both of us.

OH looked at me and said "How do we know when we've had enough? I don't know how many times I can go through this."

We have really struggled this last six weeks. It's been awful. It's affected my mental health and I've been seriously concerned that I was back on that slippery slope. We are just starting to come out of the other side and are really excited for our wedding in three weeks.

I see his point though. I don't know how many times I can go through this again. How do you know when to stop? How do you know when you're ready to try again? I have no children, this was my first pregnancy. Do I give up on children because I'm too terrified of losing another? I just don't know what to think

So sorry you, too, have experienced this loss. Grieve this baby, celebrate your wedding, then see if you get broody next year. Time doesn't heal all wounds, but it does usually help to cope with them. It's much too early to think of all that now. Go with how you feel at the time.

I completely sympathise - I lost a baby at 12 weeks in 2012 and totally understand where you're coming from. For me, I decided to see my doctor and get some time off work until I got my head together. I'd had some sort of mh issues (though never got brave enough to speak to my doctor about it) the previous year and just reasoned that this was my time to ask for help. If you need it, go and get it - everyone reacts differently and if you need longer to come to terms with everything, then you just do.
In terms of having another one, losing a baby just made me even more determined to try again. I got pregnant 7 months later and my ds will be 2 in a couple of weeks.
From what you've said, you're not ok yet, so just go easy on yourself. Wishing you a beautiful wedding day

Well I thought 3 miscarriages would be my limit, but we tried again. After four I thought five would be my limit, but fortunately no 5 is now here and well. After one loss I would absolutely you again, chance are so high that everything will be fine next time. But right now you're in the middle of your grief, it really does take time

6 weeks is no time at all. After we lost dd2 at 22 weeks our consultant told us to wait a good 6 months before making any decisions. 6 weeks I'd say your hormones are quite possibly still all over the place.

We already have dd1 so our situation is a little different.

We have started ttc again (with no luck as of yet) however, we both swing between desperately wanting another and thinking that actually we'll be ok if it doesn't happen.

We have said though that another loss and we would draw a line under the whole ttc thing. I think an earlyish loss I may be able to cope with (although I understand it will be heartbreaking) another tfmr or a late loss would break me I'm pretty sure.