Should I have got over it by now?

[rhodes15]

Just over 2 months ago I found out I'd had a delayed miscarriage. 2 weeks before my wedding. The miscarriage started at my wedding reception. Fortunately I was able to deal with it enough to have a lovely honeymoon. But recently I've started to get angry and upset about it all. Feel like I've had no support from my inlaws and My brother in law has announced his engagement before we've sent out our thankyou cards and photos. instead of being happy for them I'm furious and feel like they have stomped all over us. I know I'm being selfish and unreasonable there. Someone at work is heavily pregnant and I feel like her bump is staring at me everytime I see it. We are starting to try again but the though of it is stressing me out. But the thought of not trying is even worse.

What I'm getting at is, is this normal should I still be occasionally crying myself to sleep? Should I still be angry at the whole world. Am I just not coping with it? I think my husband is starting to get worried, I've tried explaining how I feel but i don't think he's grasping it. Do I need help or is this just part of the process?

Sorry, I know this is all just really self involved.

After my miscarriage, my local town was full of pregnant women. All the time. Eventually, I realised that it was my baby I wanted and theirs was irrelevant. Also, I did not know how many miscarriages, or other problems, they had gone through to get there. Things happened like my cousin getting pregnant straight after, even though she had been quite involved.

You just have to take the knocks and be kind to yourself. No one else around you can understand. Pregnancy and then loss is such a roller-coaster of hormones, it makes it harder to deal with the emotions. You probably had a lot of other things to think about at the time.

I think it was when I was pregnant with twins, having already got a 2 1/2 year old who would not have existed if the first baby had been born, that I finally found my peace with it.

No, it is not essential that you ever get over the loss of a potential baby.
It took me a year to be able explain why I'd cut out a pregnant friend for a while. I just couldn't face her bump.
I think your brothers engagement is OK, and you should get over that part, but you will always be able to mourn the loss of your pregnancy? It just gets easier with time, and less painful.

So sorry for your loss. That is awful timing and such a terrible thing to have to go through on your wedding day. Of course you should be feeling upset and angry. It's all part of the grieving process plus your hormones are prob still all over the place.

I miscarried 4 weeks ago and am still a blubbering mess. Can imagine it will take a good few months for hormones to settle. I too am angry at the world - hate all the pregnant women who seem to be everywhere - angry at dh for making me wait until my late 30s to get preg again - angry ay friends who haven't contacted me even though they know - angry at myself for various reasons.

Sending you hugs and I hope things start to get better for you soon.

Thank you. I guess it's just a case of not rushing yourself and not beating yourself up about getting upset or angry. Think I'm just directing my anger on to other things because it's easier to handle. I'm so sorry you have had to go through it too, it's really crap. Thanks so much for replying x

I totally agree with so much of what the locely ladies have said in their replies. I looked at this thread bcos i have been asking myself this question nearly 3 months after my miscarriage. It was fairly traumatic, i ended up in a&e with heavy blood loss. it was a harrowing and gruesome experience.

Anyway. 3 months on, i still find myself in the toilets at work sobbing my heart out. Or crying when i get home from the doctors bcos i managed to book an (unrelated) appt slap bang im the middle of the midwife clinic and end uo surrounded by pregnant women. Which seem to be everywhere. I drop my boy off at preschool and every other mum seems to be either heavily pregnant or carryimg a newborn in a sling. I try to be polite and ask how they are and i get the jokey eye role, meaning 'yeah you know, feeling soooo big' or 'yeah, you know, 2 kids are a handful'. And i sympathise and wish them well and go to the car and sob.

The tears just seem to keep coming. It sucks. And i have been beating myself up that i should not be crying like this or feeling so sad still. But actually....this is grief. And we really must be kind to ourselves. when someone dies, we can acknowledge our grief. But when we miscarry....its invisible to most. And those that do know, kinda seem to think its something we can recover from after a few months. Only one or two of my friends/family still ask me how i am. I am so so grateful for them.

I too have been stressed out about trying again, and then even more stressed out not to try. I feel that catch 22 as well. But i have had another very weepy week (triggered by the abundance of pregnamt women around me) and come to the realisation that is mentioned above....that i just miss/want the baby i lost. Not theirs....and not another one of mine right now. I dnt think being pregnant will make me very happy at the mo. Will just make me scared. And stressed. And what i really want is the baby i lost. So im just going to give myself a bit of time now. We are not using contraception....but im not checking my cycle or worrying about our fertile window....i know we missed.it this month but im not worried. Although last weel i was a crazy woman checking my cycle and desperate to be pregnant. And it will probably all be different next week again!! It is such a rollercoaster and i cant make sense of any of it at the moment. I am learning that talking really helps. I am lucky that my oh is very understanding although he admits he has 'moved on' and dsnt think about it much, which hurts me. My sister is very good but i think mostly, the best people to talk to are people who have been thru it. Which is why i find myself on here. It has been a great support.

I have bought myself a forget me not pendant for the baby. It has actually really helped. Helped me to feel i havent ignored or discarded the baby i lost.

I am so sorry for what has happened to us all, i send hugs and hope u are feeling better in time. But please dnt feel you need to be over it by now. Be kind to yourself.

Miscarriage is VERY common in first pregnancies. 2nd pregnancies are usually more successful, as you've had a trial run. Also, remind yourself that Mother Nature is very good at what she does. If you miscarried, this means there was something wrong with the embryo. If you did not miscarry, you could have given birth to a severely disabled child....would you want that? Obviously not. I miscarried my first baby. I felt very dark for a while. What you're feeling is perfectly normal. 2.5 years after my miscarriage, I remember watching my partner assembling a double buggy, because we had one toddler and a baby imminently due, and I do remember thinking "wow, what a difference to a few years ago". Try to conceive again. You'll be successful. And it will help you heal. Oh and when you are looking at other pregnant ladies, just be mindful that you don't know their story. I felt very jealous of one lady who I thought had the perfect family. Found out she'd lost a living child. All is not what it seems. GOOD LUCK!