Taking a big step back

[marmiteontoast76]

It's been 4 weeks since we lost our baby. No heartbeat at 20 wk scan, baby died at 13/14 weeks.

I spent a couple of weeks in my dressing gown, eating chocolate, drinking tea and crying. It was awful. Husband did school run every day.

Last week was much better - I managed the school run most days, even with all the pregnant mums there. I did a little bit of freelance work.

This Monday I went back into work (office of 30 people). I was dreading it and predictibly I spent much time crying in the loos. But I managed to do a little bit of work which I enjoyed. Hated the fact that everyone knew - some came over to say welcome back, others avoided me. Managed to go in Tues and Thurs too, but did far too much crying at my desk.

I've taken today off as can't stop the tears. Completely incontrollable. Confused as I was doing so well and felt stronger day by day but this is like a huge step back. Back in dressing gown in bed googling things about life after miscarriages and drinking tea. I hate crying this much and wish I could stop. Also dealing with 4 friends pregnancy announcements - 12 week scan photos all over fb (not going to look again). Happy for all of them but also massively jealous and peed off.

Just had to get that all out.

Meant to say, wondering if it's the start of pmt mixed with the grieving. Whatever it is, it's horrible.

Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry for your loss. We lost our baby at 7 weeks which is hard enough to deal with but after 12 weeks must be so so hard. Other people's reactions can be hard to deal with, not sure which is worse, people ignoring you or being sympathetic. I really hope you feel better soon, you may well have a double whammy of hormones going on which would go some way to explain the way you are feeling.

I have become a little obsessive about reading re miscarriage and have decided today that I am going to try and kerb the amount of things I read as I feel I am immersing myself too much in it. I am going to try and do some relaxation / meditation to try and calm my mind and try to focus on the positives in my life to see if that helps.

Big hugs

I have had three miscarriages but as a SAHM. I have no idea how I would have coped with going back to work soon after, particularly with a second tri loss.

I was part if the recurrent miscarriage group and I know a lot of ladies got signed off by the doctor as they just couldn't cope with work. Apparently if it's connected with a pregnancy it isn't classed as sickness leave. Is that something you could do?

I'm so sorry for your loss, I lost my last one at 11 weeks, found out at the 12 week scan and it absolutely devastated me. I will never forget seeing it on the big screen, it's as though it's burnt into my head. I'm 21 weeks now and still expect to lose this one.

Thanks both for replying x

Yes I know what you mean about never forgetting the scan. The moment I saw the baby on the screen and the moment the sonographer said those heartbreaking words will haunt me forever.

I can see why you are feeling anxious at 21 weeks but I'm sure everything will be OK for you. How many other children do you have? Were the 3mcs between children or all in a row?