Angry at the world - just need to vent

[stace1986]

I gave birth on 29.07.15 at 23 weeks 5 days. I had no idea I was in labour so by the time I got to the hospital I was already 8cms dilated and not a lot they could do to stop it, 3 days of labour and our darling little boy was born, unfortunately he died shortly after he was born.

I have gone through a whole range of emotions and had returned to work but have now been signed off again as I am not really coping. I am just so angry at myself for not contacting the hospital sooner, angry they couldn't do anything and most of all so angry that everyone around me carries on like normal and moan on about mundane boring life stuff, one example is someone moaning that their tv was on the blink. Other friends just seem to completely ignore what we are going through and think because its been 2 months we should be getting back to normal. I feel anything but normal.

I am not really sure where I am going with this post to be honest. I just needed somewhere to vent, not looking for sympathy.

I just feel so low and alone because no one really understands how I feel or what DP and I are going through.

Everyone keeps telling me it gets better in time, and that time is a great healer but I just don't see that at the moment and it makes me angry that it's all I seem to hear.

Angry, upset or numb are my feelings at the moment and I am getting tired of having to put a smile on my face when I am crying inside.

I just don't know how I will ever get over this.

I'm so sorry your baby boy died Stace. What was his name? I have walked on this terrible road since my baby son died at 38+4 wks in July 2012. In the main people mean well but most of the time they don't know what to say or they say the wrong thing. Your still in the very early stages of unbearable raw grief so please be kind to yourself. I noticed you have been signed off work, has your GP suggested Counselling? It's not for everyone but my DH and I went for 12 months and it was my lifeline to vent about all the things that were frustrating me. (People getting on with life when my world had fell apart)

Please don't blame yourself, all you wanted to do was bring your beautiful baby boy home x

Your feelings are completely understandable. Unfortunately there's no set time limit for going through grief like that.

I think it's made harder by the fact that everyone else moves on. There's no way to make them understand how much it still hurts.

Vent as much as you need to here, where people understand more.

Really sorry you are going through this.

Thank you for your reply babyh. Our baby boy is called Eli. What did you call your little boy? I am having my first counselling session on thursday. I am very anxious about it but hopeful that it will help me. X

Thanks twinkly. I think I put pressure on myself to carry on and be ok when actually I do need more time and to be kinder to myself and that makes people think I am moving on and they then carry on as normal etc.

Eli is a lovely name. Please tell us more about him if you want to. We called our baby Adam, I love and miss him every day but you just learn to cope somehow. A very wise lady who used to frequent these boards once told me to just take one day, one hour or even one minute at a time. Dont be anxious about counselling, my biggest tip is to give it a few sessions before you decide if it's for you or not.
I had never even been on a forum until I found a wonderful group of ladies on here who helped me through some dark days, days I wouldn't wish on anyone.
The thread always had 'Angels and rainbows' in the title, I'm not sure if it's still going but I will have a look for you x

I'm so sorry for your loss stace.

It's so easy to say and so obvious and yet so easy to ignore ... You're grieving. That doesn't just switch off nearly overnight. It's going to take a long time to heal and even then sadly it's not ever going to be quite "the same" again.

Two months is nothing though, you won't even have physically gotten over the hormones and stuff yet. You have every right to be angry right now. Why wouldn't you be? Punch a pillow as hard as you can, cry when you need to.

You will both get through this and to a new type of normal, but it'll take time.

Sadly I don't think friends can totally "get it" unless they've been there ... But maybe that could be one of the things you could tackle with the counsellor - how to talk to them about it.

And I doubt you'll believe me but it wasn't your fault. You did your very best and there was nothing else you could have done. I know all about self blame but it just wasn't - that's not how it works.

Thank you anddeep and babyh x

Really sorry for your loss. You need to give yourself time, some days will be better than other. Cry if you need too. I had a m/c 8 months ago and I still regularly cry. I have just learnt to cope with it, although some days I struggle. This forum has been great at helping me get support and supporting other. I hope the counselling works for you.

Thanks caza. Sorry for your loss too. I am hopeful the counselling will help

I'm so sorry to hear about Eli- he was obviously a very loved little boy. I don't know if it helps, but my understanding is that there's nothing doctors can do if your cervix starts opening and you go into early labour, so please, please don't be angry with yourself. You couldn't have done anything to stop it. I think sometimes people don't mention it because they take their cue from us and if we seem to be doing ok, they don't want to bring it up. I know it's not the same at all, but I'm about a month on from an early miscarriage and really want to talk about it to people but feel like I'd be 'bringing them down'. It's so hard to talk about isn't it? Today my friend said to me 'You don't have to be strong. all you have to be kind to yourself' - which of course made me cry but also helped. Sending you love and strength x