My head is all over the place..

[sjd114]

Hi all.

I have been in a very rubbish place recently.. my story;
I went to the epu as I was spotting they did an internal scan, & told me I was having a miscarriage. But took blood & told me to come back on Wednesday, So I went home, cried for hours and hours and grieved. When Wednesday came around.. I felt sick at the thought of going back in there. . They told me because my hormal levels came back very high still they needed to scan me.. ( I was totally numb, got undressed and lay there sobbing to myself) while they poked around. Then all of a sudden they all got very excited. . And told me that they could see that the sac had grown massive amounts. And they could see it this time.. I didn't dare look.. but I did and I couldn't make anything out. I got myself dressed, still numb but this time confused too.. They then told me I had a 50/50 chance of it surviving.. so as you can imagine going from being told I'd lost the little bean then to be told I still had hope. . My head is all over the place. My appointment is today, I would of been ok, but for the last 2 days I've had horrible period pains & pretty much my period. TMI I've had a few small clots too. So I know. I know that I got a little more hopeful for nothing. I have my appointment at 2 today, and I'm dreading it. Really dreading it. I can't go through being told I've miscarried AGAIN. In one pregnancy. I just need some advice on where to go from here . I'm a mess. :( xxxxx

so sorry you're going through this sjd. there is no good way to be told you're misscarrying and in my experience the epu can be v cautious about comitting either way - certianly based upon one scan or one blood test.
despite amazing advances in medicine and science it appears we still dont fully understand everything around pregnancy or misscarriage, and that is hard to accept.

it is so hard, i am currenlty pregnant after a mc in april and convinced I will mc or indeed have had a mmc already - but I dont know if thats just anxiety and paranoia, or female intuition...i have never wanted to be worng so much before.

it is a very hard time and all you can do is be kind to yourself. let yourself cry and grieve. know that you can get pg again. slob about watching crap films, eating whatever you want - it wont change anything, but it might make you feel a tiny bit better.

5 it is very hard, and I couldn't imagine telling a woman she is having a miscarriage, it must be hard for them too.

Oh congratulations I have everything crossed for you, I think when I get pg again I will be the same, worrying that it will happen again. But fingers crossed for all of us! I just knew, before I went for the first scan - something inside me just felt wrong & I thought I was prepared for them to tell me, but I was wrong,it hurt.

I have been, I've been slobbing like you wouldn't believe, although I'm okay when I'm around other people.. but just when I'm alone it hits hard.. and everywhere I turn there are pregnant people etc. . I was in a shopping center with my oh and I waited outside bc it was too hot - and literally a lady RIGHT behind me, (I could smell her perfume, that's how close ha) was on the phone talking to someone on the phone telling them how amazing her first scan was!!!
Life can be cruel but I guess it is also rewarding too.

Best of luck again!!

X

I'm really surprised they told you that you were miscarrying the first time. I had a very similar experience in my third pregnancy but they said it was a suspected miscarriage and they couldn't confirm one way or another and to come back in a week's time. That ended up being my first successful pregnancy and he's now a manic 8yo.

But I also had a similar issue with my, I think sixth, pregnancy, where it was a suspected miscarriage and it was about three weeks before they finally called it as an m/c (by this stage I was being seen by Recurrent M/c Clinic and having weekly scans). That was absolutely horrible. There's not much you can do in that circumstance except hang on it, try and keep busy to keep your mind off it (ha, that never worked for me) and just be kind to yourself.

All the very best and I hope the little blighter is still hanging on in there.