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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

feeling lost. 10 weeks miscarriage

15 replies

sjd114 · 17/08/2015 20:18

Hi all.

Was having some brown blood loss every day (on wiping) TMI so got booked in for an early scan - went this morning, I'd already got a feeling I'd miscarried, so THOUGHT I was mentally prepared, I couldn't of been more wrong. :(

I just feel so lost, deflated, angry, hurt & I just feel like I did something wrong, I know it couldn't of been helped.. but I just feel so responsible. :( :(

I'm also after a bit of advice, as I've been told to let it end naturally - so to expect some clots, but I am terrified. I don't know what to expect, and just feel scared to go to the toilet - Any advice is so welcoming.

Also, I just have no idea when to start trying again - As we wanted this baby so so much, it was so loved, don't think it's set in yet. :(

x

OP posts:
jellyjiggles · 17/08/2015 20:25

I'm really sorry your going through this. It's so difficult to go through and please believe me when I say there is no right or wrong!

Your likely to pass some large clots and blood but honestly it's just like big period. If it's anything more is advise you go to hospital! It could take some time, 7-10 days. Take time out of you need it! Don't try to continue like nothing's happened because you need to be kind to yourself.

As for how soon to try again it's a very personal choice. I tried the next month. Sometimes it worked other times it didn't. This is a very personal decision.

Talk to your partner!

isittheweekendyet · 17/08/2015 20:26

Hi. So sorry you're going through this. It's hard isn't it? My miscarriage was picked up at the 12 week scan.

I let nature take its course too. I'd describe it as a very heavy period with about half a day of heavy loss at the worst of it. Some clotting at first that soon tailed off. I wasn't prepared for the cramps, you may not be the same but get some strong painkillers in ready just in case. They only lasted about a day but were painful.

The best advice I can give is to take it easy, I took a week off work and was ready to go back to normality after sitting on the sofa for that time! Drink plenty, eat chocolate or whatever you fancy but be kind to yourself. Have a cry when you feel like it and let your oh know he can cry too. My dh felt pretty useless in what he could do at this time.

In terms of trying again, see how you feel. I knew I wanted to start again as soon as possible but everyone is different. I got my bfp 10 weeks later and now have a gorgeous almost 6yo!

Good luck for the future

MoreCakeMoreCake · 17/08/2015 20:34

So sorry for your loss Op. I've been in your position twice this year and it's awful, the mix of feelings while having to go through the physical side (scans, blood loss and so on) is incredibly hard.
On a practical level, get yourself lots of heavy duty pads and wear 2/3 together in some extra big knickers. There will be some large clots - I actually found sitting on the loo for a bit was better, as I could flush it all away and not look. Sorry if tmi.
As pp said, do be kind to yourself and take all the time you need from work. I found MN incredibly helpful and supportive, so much so that I was in tears reading the kind messages!
You will feel better. I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but you will. Don't worry yet about trying again until this is all over - you'll both know when the time is right.
For now - tea and bed, and a good cry. Sending hugs (although frowned upon by MN Wink)

jellyjiggles · 17/08/2015 20:35

Oh and don't lose hope op! I lost 3 babies before having my ds (7) and he now has a sister to torment him Wink.

I'm thinking of you. It's a very dark time for you. I also had cramps for about 24 hours. Strong period cramps and took a couple of weeks off work as advised by lovely hospital people. Get some pain killers.

Original poster
sjd114 · 17/08/2015 21:53

Thank you so so much everyone. I don't think I'm prepared for the clots, it's turning my stomach if I'm honest. :'( x

OP posts:
mrsdiddlydoo · 18/08/2015 21:23

sjd I've just bumped a useful thread for you called 'tips for coping with the practicalities of miscarriage'. I'm sorry you are going through this.

Re trying again. Only you'll know when is right. There is no right or wrong. Some people take a break where as other start ttc as soon as possible. There's a ttc after mc thread on the conception board where you'll be able to share your feelings with a bunch of lovely ladies when you are ready.

mrsdiddlydoo · 18/08/2015 21:26

Oh and don't rush back to work unless you find it a useful distraction. Your gp will sign you off. I had a week off after my first mc which with hindsight wasn't enough for me.

Original poster
sjd114 · 19/08/2015 10:43

Hi ladies. another update I was told I had miscarried on Monday - but was sent back the the epu for more blood tests to check my hormal levels are dropping; although today I went in and they had said they hadn't dropped so needed to scan.. (this broke my heart) but they can see the sac!! & it's grown.. a lot. As I went in before thinking I was 10 weeks.. They have written on the paperwork I am 6 weeks?! Also, they have told me I have a 50/50 chance. And to go back next Friday for another scan... but I'm obviously not getting my hopes up, as I've been told it's a miscarriage , but today was different. . I'm confused.. my head is all a wobble.. any any any anyyyy advice is welcoming?!
X

OP posts:
mrsdiddlydoo · 20/08/2015 21:48

sjd I've not been in this position before. Maybe bumping your post will help someone spot it and give you some better advice than me. Did they say how much your hcg levels had risen by. Is there any chance you could be 6 weeks? If you are sure of your dates and there was no heartbeat I would have thought this probably is going to end in a mc. I'm sorry.

Did they see anything in your first scan?

Hairballs · 21/08/2015 21:50

Did they see anything inside the sac?

This must be so, so hard for you. Flowers

Voovinnie · 22/08/2015 19:06

Hi hun,

I myself am going through a miscarriage at a similar dating, my scan showed a 10+ sac but no baby and I'm waiting for things to come away naturally after taking some medication, otherwise it's a D&C to take away any risks of infection if my follow up scan Tuesday shows nothing has changed.

I'm so so sorry for your loss, it's devastating and I know it feels like there must've been at least something you could have done, but there isn't. That's easier said than done though, blaming ourselves comes happily.

Mine pregnancy wasn't planned, but was very much loved. For you to have planned this must come with so many additional complications, so I feel for you.

You can try again as soon as you're ready, although they advise to wait until after your next menstrual period. Although this is just for dating purposes and won't harm your chances.

Best of luck and please take care and be kind to yourself Flowers x x x x x

Original poster
sjd114 · 23/08/2015 08:40

voovinnie
I am so sorry you are going through this. It's hard isn't it?

I have to go back next Friday, because they told me the day I went in for an early scan that it was miscarriage; they took blood to check hcg levels went back for results, said they hadn't dropped, so had to scan again..

Then they told me they could see the sac, and it had grown.. but they told me the pregnancy had a 50/50 chance of surviving.. so I am in such an awful place not knowing what's going on. It's so hard.

I sort of wish that it was what it was just because I could move on/grieve and not be wondering what is happening. :(

I have since then lost a bit of red blood, which to me isn't a good sign at all, so guess I have to wait until Friday to find out, although I have a horrid feeling I know what the outcome will be. :(

Sorry again for your loss & look after yourself.. its very important.

Xx

OP posts:
Voovinnie · 23/08/2015 08:49

sjd114, gosh that's like living in limbo! How bloody awful to not even know one way or another, you must be so lost right now. I'm sending very unmumsnetty hugs to you x x

Do you have a supportive DP?

Mine isn't just not understanding, he isn't comforting either and made a comment last night about ''Are you upset cos you lost the baby? Well it's bad but can't be that bad, you didn't even know you were pregnant at first''.
That's what really made me cry, no I didn't, but there was a 10+ gestational sac at the scan.
It's not as if I was blissfully unaware at 4 weeks and came on my period without even being aware I'd conceived Hmm

Original poster
sjd114 · 23/08/2015 17:29

Voovinne, It's awful, I just need to know now.. it just hurts so much, feel so deflated. I am lost. Thanks for the unmumsnetty hugs! x

I do, although I don't think he knows how to act, neither of us have ever been in the position we are in before, so its hard to get out of him how he feels, he is very supportive.

Oh thats awful! Tell him, YES i am still upset over OUR baby, you are allowed to grieve, and it is grieving, and let no body tell you otherwise
Big hugs to you!

Keep strong! Always here if you need to offload!

xxx

OP posts:
Voovinnie · 23/08/2015 20:12

Thank you sjd, I'm lucky to have found great comfort in my Mum, of whom as lots of past experience.

I so hope everything goes well for you, I'm really keeping you in my prayers x x x

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