I suffered a miscarriage back in march, I was 11 weeks pregnant at the time. I knew that something was wrong for about a week beforehand because I stopped feeling pregnant. So I was expecting to miscarry and was worried what would happen to my baby, I was so scared that I would flush him away down the toilet. I miscarried in the night and I managed to catch my baby because I knew when he was coming out. But then I continued to bleed heavily through the early hours until around 6:30am when I started to pass out from the blood loss. I was home alone with my young daughter so I was scared that she would wake up to find me lying on the floor.
I managed to call an ambulance and unlock the door but I kept passing out and smashed my face up on the sink and floor, I had a massive bump on my forehead and the spot is still tender to this day. The ambulance arrived at the same time as my mother and luckily she was able to take my daughter straight out as she woke up so she didn't have to witness anything upsetting. When I got to the hospital they discovered that a piece of the placenta was stuck and that was why I was continuing to bleed heavily, so they gave me gas and air and removed it but it was the worst pain I've ever felt. The doctor told me that I had to be brave otherwise I would have to go down for surgery so I didn't say anything but after she removed the placenta she decided to open my cervix to check around and I was in agony.
I went home later that day but was still blacking out every time I would try to lie down for the next couple of weeks and felt lightheaded a lot. I was so worried about being able to look after my daughter but I had to get on with it on my own because my partner and I split up when I was about 8 weeks pregnant. My mum helped me out for the first couple of days but then it's like everybody expected me to go straight back to normal. After a few days my mum didn't offer any more support and whenever I would try to mention anything about the baby or miscarriage to my sister she would just act awkward and change the subject. None of my friends knew that I was pregnant yet so I couldn't talk to anybody. Since then the lack of support from my family has left me feeling so sad and alone. Last week my sister was holding a friends baby and she started asking me if I wanted to hold him, and don't I feel broody. Another time she told me that my daughter needs siblings. I don't understand how she can say these things and not realise how upsetting it is? I would love for my daughter to have siblings, and she should be expecting a baby brother or sister soon but it got taken away from us. And since me and my partner split up it's not even like I can try again. Sometimes I feel like this pain will never leave unless I have another baby but I don't know when that will happen if ever.
I buried my baby in the woods so I like to take my daughter there as it brings me peace and makes me feel like we are all together. I just don't know how to move on from this, if anybody has been through similar please give me some advice. I feel like I have nobody I can talk to about all this and I'm just living a lie, pretending that everything is ok.