recurrent miscarriage trying to cope with the emotions and move forward

[invisibleloss]

I am writing to see if there is any advice to moving on. I had my 5mc two weeks ago. Stupidly as I was ok at fist I convinced myself that emotionally I was hardened to it. But now I cannot seem to control the tears. Its now affecting my job and I feel alot of anger. Contemplating that perhaps I just wasn't meant to have kids I am 25. And I know ppl will read this thinking I have time but I can't help thinking if I was to have another one the grief would change me forever, back to lying in bed all evening after work, not wanting to touch my partner, feeling alone and not like a normal woman. How can I try to focus on the positives. I am a graduate and have a loving mom and dad and partner who has supported me better than I could have imagined. I don't know what to think or feel :s

I'm really sorry, that is utterly shit.

This might sound odd, why must you focus on the positives? I only ask that because my counsellor asked me and it changed the way I think, and treat myself.

I lost dd2 at 22 weeks, we had a tfmr, she had T18. The grief at times has been unbearable. I was forever giving myself a talking to, telling myself I should be grateful for dd1, I have a loving dh, family, friends etc.

At the end of the day telling yourself you should be feeling something your not is being cruel to yourself.

You have had 5mcs, all before the age of 25. That is totally shit. It's horrid that you should be dealing with that. You are grieving all your babies that should have been. Please allow yourself to cry and be angry and anxious. You are allowed to be.

I'm sorry if this doesn't help. I'm, now, just a firm believer in allowing yourself to feel whatever it is you feel and not beating yourself up about it.

Can you do anything as a memorial to your babies? Plant a tree or plant in the garden?

I'm with kitty I don't think it's healthy to try and squash grief and negative emotions. How can so many losses not change you as a person? Have you had any counselling? If you have a safe space to let it all out you may feel more able to cope the rest of the time. Have you had testing? There are many people on the RMC thread (a new one has just started) who have found hope after many losses and negative NHS tests, particularly through the Coventry implantation clinic. Please come and join the thread, it helps enormously to have others in a similar boat to chat to.

Thank you for replying. Im overwhelmed to get a reply off someone who understands. Kitty I am sorry to hear of your loss aswell. Im sending lots of hugs your way.

I have never thought of planting something I think it may help to have something physical as I think what hurts the most is that it seems forgotten about to everyone else. Thankfully today is a better day for me emotionally. Thank you again. Hope you are ok x