Finding myself joining here

[kbbeanie]

Hi everyone
Unfortunately ive found myself having to join in here...utterly devastated but i figure this will be the best place to be over the next while.

It took us almost a year to conceive and i fell pregnant in March 2015....we were delighted but it wasnt to be after a bleed at 5-6 weeks my hcg levels began to drop and that was it.
Then at beginning of July we found out i was pregnant again....so happy that we got pregnant so quickly again and crossed our fingers that all would be ok.
Unfortunately not and its been quite a traumatic experience this time around.
I had hcg levels taken from the start which had not completely doubled but almost and the doctors seemed to think they were rising normally. Last wed i started to bleed so i went to a&e where i had a scan and they seen a sac in the uterus but my hcg levels had only doubled in a whole week by then they said i would likely miscarry and to return in 2 days and they would check my levels were dropping.
I started to get severe pain on one side...excruitiating pain and was admitted to hospital after lots of scans and bloods they decided it was most certainly ectopic and i was rushed to theatre ...and they found nothing...everything looked fine and sent me home to see what would happen.
Today ive passed the sac myself

I really dont know how i can move on from this. We are very lucky to have a beautiful child and i feel so guilty when theres ladies out there struggling who dont even have this but i just cant get another baby out of my head.
In one way i want to start trying again immediately (if im allowed after the operation) and at least then (cant even believe im saying this) that if i have another mc ill have had 3 and then they will do something about it....but in another mind i dont even want to try again because im just not sure i can go through it all again...

And then all around me are people getting pregnant with no problems at all
I dont think ive ever felt so low :(

Sorry to everyone else who finds themselves here as well and i hope we can all get our babies soon

I'm so sorry kbbeanie that sounds like a very traumatic experience and a second loss is very hard to take. I found myself able to accept one MC fairly philosophically after the initial shock, but after two it's much harder to accept the bad luck line. If some support would help you'd be v welcome on the recurrent loss thread, we don't apply the 3 losses as strictly as the NHS, there are several ladies who have had two. It is worth talking to your GP, some are sympathetic and will run some of the initial blood tests for you, though you are unlikely to be referred unless you've had three MC. You can have tests privately but even after three losses they only find a reason with the standard tests in half of cases so you might spend £££ and be no further forward. Come and chat about it on the RMC thread, it helps not to feel like the only 'unlucky' one.