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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Flip

Original poster

missed miscarriage just had due date help

19 replies

miliemoo · 19/11/2006 21:40

hi im new to this site but i need advice from others who have been through the same had a missed miscarriage at end of april this year found out at my 12 week scan baby had no heart beat and had died at 9.4 weeks i was shocked and numb and so was my husband. i had to wait eight days for ERPC traumatic was not the word i was a zombie if it was't for my daughter of 16 months (then) i don't know what i would have done. sorry to go on. i had ERPC in ward with young girls giggling about having abortion is was horrific. now 6 1/2 months on still feeling it baby was due 11th nov and i keep hearing that everyones pregnant i'm not and i'm so angry and confused my husband found this hard and we drifted apart now getting there but i long for the baby i lost help i need advice does it get any better once again i feel like i'm moanng all the time sorrrrry!!!!!!

OP posts:

pooka · 19/11/2006 21:45

So sorry
I have not been in the same position (am completely by how inapproriate in having to share ward).
But couldn't let this one slip down the active convs, so bumping for you for others.

lulumama · 19/11/2006 21:47

bless you millie......no personal experience, just wanted to say there are lots of lovely mnetters who will no doubt be able to offer some words of comfort

absolutely awful you had to share a ward......

sorry that you lost your baby

Original poster

miliemoo · 19/11/2006 21:59

thanks to you both i'm so new to this trying to work out abreviations help

OP posts:

Tommy · 19/11/2006 22:23

feel for you miliemoo - I had a similar experience the same time last year.

It did get better gradually but around the due date was tough. I still think about the baby I lost and have a little picture with a bible quote that a friend sent me which gives me great comfort. DH isn't really into that so he planted a tree in our garden which helps him.

Don't really know what else to say as nothing I could say will make it better for you but just wanted you to know that I've been there as well.

Hang in there.

Original poster

miliemoo · 19/11/2006 22:35

thanks i'm glad im not alone some times i feel like im being weird and should just forget about it like everyone else seems to have done i was ok till sat thats when baby was due alsofound out today friends pregnant fingers crossed it'll be me next and it'll all go ok its good to know theres hope x

OP posts:

Original poster

miliemoo · 19/11/2006 22:37

well i guess i should go to bed my little girls not heard of a lye in yet lol

OP posts:

northerner · 19/11/2006 22:40

Hi millie, I am unfortunatley in the same boat. I m/c in April and my edd was 24/11. I'm looking at the calender every day watching the date creep towards me. Not quite sure how I'll feel on teh day.

It's shit isn't it? The if's and maybe's. And you feel you can't go on about in in RL, cause it happenned 6 months ago and should have been dealt with then. That's how I feel anyway.

Yes it did happen 6 months ago, but we should have been having a baby around now, and that is imprinted on our brain, and we can't help but dwell on it occassionally.

You and I are very lucky. You have dd and I have ds. I know on my due date I'll be hugging him extra tight that day.

Take care
xx

Original poster

miliemoo · 20/11/2006 14:35

i agree totally with you northener. i feel for you because for the past six months all i thought is once the due date is here i will be able to get on with life. but thats not the case all i think now is i should have a little girl or boy in my arms and my dd would have a sibling to love and adore.

it really nice to hear from someone else in the same boat but i also am sad that you are going through it too. how old is your ds my dd is 22 months and in to everything but right now i am so glad because she helps me realise that i have a wonderful family and one day i'll be able to add to it

take care and hope to hear from you soon good luck for 24th i'll be thinking about you x

OP posts:

flopflip · 20/11/2006 14:53

The same thing happened to me, the due date time is very hard and I had a very hard time dealing with the whole thing. I never really accepted it. The first few months after it happened were so much easier than the following 15mths it took to get pregnant, and in that time countless people who I was close to got pregnant with what should have been my chance.

It was a very dark time and i felt that if I started to cry, it would go on forever. The only thing that changed me was getting pregnant and thank god it succeeding, a dd.

I really feel for you both Miliemoo and northener, and I know there is not much I can say to make that due day any easier.

flopflip · 20/11/2006 14:54

Sorry that was such a depressing response, must have really cheered you both up !!

Original poster

miliemoo · 20/11/2006 17:28

don't worry im glad things worked out for you flipflop what youve written is exactly how i feel good and bad days. its just so hard watching all my close friends have their babies or tel me their preganant but i always try to be pleased for them as its hard on them to i know.

god this is depressing but makes me feel so much better to let it out sick of being ok around everyone i just want to scream out and have good cry ...................

OP posts:

flopflip · 20/11/2006 18:39

I found that certain people were ok if they got pregnant, like one of my friends and then others not, like my sister. I don't know why that was.I think the people who had a hard trot to get pregnant, ie friend had cancer and still got pregnant, I was happy that they had pain their dues, my sister got pregnant within 1 month, I hated it. I am embarassed now about the way I treated her but there was nothing I could do to be happy. Fortunatly I found out I was pregnant 2 days before she gave birth.

I also felt like I could scream too, I would have but I didn't feel I would be able to stop. One person advised to go to a train stn that has a fast train. Stand on the platform, and when it passes, scream. No one can hear you at all and you can scream as loud as you want.

Don't know if all this helps but it also feels good to talk about it. x

dhw · 20/11/2006 18:40

miliemoo and northerner - totally understand how you are both feeling. November is shite for me too. At the end of this month it will be a year since i had my first stillbirth at 25 weeks and last week was the due date for my second stillbirth baby. Bloody sucks doesn't it?

Thinking of you both and thank god we have lovely children to focus on. My 4.5 year old is a contsant reminder of how lucky I am!

Shall we moan together?

xxx

Original poster

miliemoo · 20/11/2006 19:48

i am so glad i gave this a go have been thinking about writing on here for ages but did not want to seem to be moaning to find out there are other mums out there going through the same and can understand is great.

I NOW FEEL NORMAL TO FEEL GUILT ANGER AND BE ABLE TO BE HONEST IT HURTS LIKE HELL..............

thanks for all your support i should have done this months again........

OP posts:

Sheraz · 20/11/2006 20:09

I had a m/c at 13 weeks 7 yrs ago. My due date was the 5th November 1999.I always remeber it and wonder what if. It was my first pg and it took 6 months to get pg again. it was so painful, 3 friends of mine were pg at the same time, and I was so envious. Someone said that when the baby dies all the plans that you had made die too. It does get better but it will a lways stay with you. Sorry can't cheer you up, but like you said you are not alone.

flopflip · 20/11/2006 20:57

Good scream miliemoo, well done. Feels good hey.

And you are normal to feel all those things.

Good luck with future pg's x

lesleyhannah · 21/11/2006 11:07

I went for my 12 week scan a month ago and was told the baby had died at 8 weeks. I was really shocked (and still am I think). The hospital were really good to me and told me all my options. I decided to have a D&C as I just wanted to get everything over and done with. I don't think I would have coped having to wait for it to come away naturally. I managed to hold it all together quite well until I was wheeled into the anasthetic room, when I just broke down. I think I was just overwhelmed by it all and it seemed like it was happening to someone else up until then.

Like you, miliemoo, I don't think I'd have got through it if it wasn't for my 3 year old son. Just having to do everyday things really helped. I think I'm still in shock about it all as I didn't have any symptoms of a miscarriage, and have felt physically fine since. I sometimes even forget I've had a miscarriage and still think I'm pregnant. I'm feeling better day by day, but I know it'll take time.
I had an ectopic pregnancy 5 years ago and was really ill because of it. I think because I was so poorly it took the edge off the grief. This time I have a real emptiness which is hard to cope with.

mistlethrush · 22/11/2006 15:09

It still hurts doesn't it, even when it was some time ago. And added to that, you feel guilty about being green with envy at people that get pregnant when you still should be. I remember walking round town and every other woman that I saw seemed to be expecting.

Even though m/c Aug 2002, and now have ds, still gets me sometimes - especially around EDD.

Hugs to everyone on this thread: you're not alone.

MrsFish · 24/11/2006 17:17

My thoughts are with you all.

I had a missed miscarriage at the start of october, went to my 12 week scan feeling all excited, was told the baby had died at 9 weeks. Had a ERPC 4 days later. To be honest I feel ok about it, whether that will change in the future I don't know. I have an 18 month old ds with whom I carried with no probs at all, I guess that is keeping me strong at the moment, the fact that I know I can carry ok. Am trying for another at the moment, hopefully it won't take too long.

Hope you are all feeling better soon, its a horrible thing to have to go through, I hope to god it doesn't happen to me again, I know I won;t be as strong if it happens again.

Flip