Delayed grief after MC.

[GinPleaseThankYou]

Anyone feel like they got through the early days after a loss relatively 'easily' (that's the wrong word but I can't quite think of another) and a few weeks / months down the line feel like the grief creeps in again?

Announcements of pregnancies, births and generally seeing evidence of successful pregnancies everywhere is pulling me under.

Fuck's sake.

I should add that my loss was early on (9 weeks) and not nearly as traumatic as some of the truly awful things that some people go through. However, it still hurts and I'm annoyed that it's hurting now almost more than it did at that time. Is this just me?

Nope I am the same. I'll be fine most of the time and then without warning something tiny will set me off. Every time I see a child, it makes me wonder how people ever get pregnant and manage to deliver at all with so many awful things that can go wrong. :(

So sorry that you had to go through this too. Lost mine at 10 weeks. Its the worst thing in the world but what to do?

I think I'm the same. My mmc was quite drawn out and I couldn't help focusing on the practicalities like stocking up on painkillers and packing a hospital bag. Two months on I still haven't really grieved, I'm worried it's building to hit me later, when people will expect me to have moved on. I'm getting twinges of jealousy at other people's babies and feel crap when I see siblings with less than a three year gap (would have been a three year gap between this one and ds, I can just see it stretching longer and longer). I'm worrying about my due date already.

Hi gin, I think I'm quite similar, I was also was 9 weeks. I've really focussed on the practical and physical side of it all and I'm "fine" most of the time and haven't cried much but odd things make me feel really sad, eg the Coldplay song that played on the radio in the car on the way home from hosp after medical management, birth announcements etc...

I am just desperate to get cracking with TTC again, for me that's the way I will feel like I'm moving on. But I'm still getting positive pregnancy tests so clearly not going to ovulate any time soon....

I'm feeling exactly the same gin. I had a MMC at 10 weeks, followed by the surgical procedure 7 weeks ago. I had two weeks off work at the time to recover physically/emotionally and by the end of the second week I felt back to normal both physically and emotionally, which shocked me.

I've spent the past month feeling like it was all a blur, like it never happened, and like I was never pregnant, like it was a lie. I felt surprisingly fine about everything but I was dubious that I could be over it so soon... And then over the past week it has all come hitting me again like a tonne of bricks. I am not sure if this has all coincided with my first period after the miscarriage. I've been looking forward so much to being physically ready to start again but now that time is here I'm petrified and sad. I can't help but think about how pregnant I should be by now.

One of the things that stings mostly for me is that an acquaintance, who I have recently had a falling out with, is about as pregnant as I should be. I feel so bitter about it and every reference to her pregnancy feels like a blow to the stomach and makes me angry

Because I've spent the past month just getting on with it I also now feel like everyone just thinks I've moved on, they don't bring it up, which is fair enough. but now, it's like, do I say "hey, by the way I'm still very sad and not at all over it... "? It's a very lonely time

for everyone. I'm so sorry there are others going through this, but at the same time glad I'm not mad or weird for feeling like this.

I'm taking comfort in my beautiful DS, and quietly hoping he'll be a big brother soon.

My cousin's gf had a baby on my due date. We met up with them recently and watching ds2 get on so well with her (she's 2 now btw, I managed to put off meeting her for that long) was like a knife. Ds2 keeps asking if he can have a little sister, and it's horrid telling him the answer is no, but we can't go through that again.

Lots of love to you Gin, I hope you get your wish.

Thank you cock (is it ok to shorten your username to that?! )

It is devastating when DCs are so good with babies. Beautiful, but devastating.

We're trying again and hoping it will happen soon. But secretly I'm dreading a BFP. All the worry...

Another day, yet another pregnancy announcement, another twist of the knife...

Oh gin, I'm sorry. It hurts doesn't it.

I know exactly how you feel. I had a MC at the start of January (a long time ago) and was totally fine with it (unplanned pregnancy - bit of a shock). But then I spectatcularly crashed at the end of the February. I was then extremely unwell with depression and it took me about three years to fully get better.

I always felt like my friend who had a minor op got more sympathy than me. She had stitches - something tangible people could say, something easy to write in a card. I think everyone expected me to just get over it. "It happens for a reason" etc. But I still know which school year my baby would have been in now.

Take all the time you need - grief is a long journey. If you try to repress it like I did (felt I was being OTT making a fuss otherwise) then you risk getting stuck in it. Only when I embraced it did I begin to feel better.

Gosh that was cathartic!

I had two miscarriages at around seven weeks each time, in quick succession back in 2012 and still feel the emotional impact now as I don't think I ever allowed myself to fully deal with the grief, as I quickly became pregnant again and got DD2. I have my first counselling appointment tomorrow to talk about this and other issues so hopefully this will help.

Agreeing with Runnaway, I have read (Psychology Today) that has struck me is that pain is painful and healing takes time. Those who can lean in to fully experience the pain while not being overwhelmed are most able to deal with it. Now I just need to learn how to put this in to practice.

Miscarriage is so cruel and the journey out the other side is so hard, sending strength to everyone on that road.

I have a DD who was conceived eleven years ago with help of Clomid. I was then amazed that after needing help I fell pregnant naturally when DD was about three. Miscarriage happened at about ten weeks, I took one day off work for an op and was offered two weeks off but I just couldn't face being anything other than busy. That was my coping mechanism, just ignore it! My husband moped more than I did, I think we forget how hard it can be on the men sometimes. A friend who had IVF miscarried at same time and I was more devastated for her. Second miscarriage was a bit earlier on, seven or eight weeks but hit me harder emotionally and physically, I think by then I was grieving for both losses. I still 'just got on' with life but for about two years afterwards would sometimes just get really upset. No particular triggers I can put my finger on. I do have the amazing consolation of a wonderful DD so I was never sad for long.

My best therapy in the end, several years after the second miscarriage, was clearing out the loft of car seats and Moses baskets etc - it was me telling myself I was lucky to have done it once and now get on with looking forward and not back. If I hadn't of had DD then it would have been a very different outlook.

Gin, I hope things work out for you. In the long term most bad things make us stronger, but wobbles and emotion are our safety valves that make us human so should be embraced rather than smothered. You know that feeling after a really, really good cry when you suddenly seem a tiny bit better, yep all part of the healing process.