12 week scan showed baby died at 9w2d

[workadurka]

Devastated by our scan.

Now scared of what happens next.

Have had absolutely no spotting, pain, bleeding at all. Tiredness has eased off in past week or so is only change.

My poor DH saw the baby on the screen and thought everything was ok.

I thought something was off as midwife said nothing.

Waiting for the Dr to call and discuss options for next steps.

If anyone else had this, when did you start to bleed?

Knowing my baby has died in me, waiting for something to start happening... I'm not sure I'll be able to function.

I'm so sad and so sorry for my baby.

I completely understand what you're going through. I also found out on Monday at our dating scan that baby's heart had stopped at 9weeks5. Absolutely gutted & heartbroken. Also saw baby on the screen. Thankfully the hospital staff were really nice & supportive.

I had some bleeding & slight cramp the day before but didnt feel I could wait for my body to naturally pass baby. I'm sure your doctor will fully discuss the options available to you but I opted for medically managed treatment where tablets are inserted to help the body naturally pass everything. It's been the sadest experience of my life & I keep bursting into tears with the grief. I'm finding it helpful to know I'm not alone & that lots of other women have gone through this too.

I saw your post & wanted to let you know you are not on your own. Hopefully this will bring you some comfort at this terrible time. Much love to you & your partner. We will get through this but think it'll take some time. Take good care of yourself xx

Thank you, your reply means a lot and I'm comforted but also startled to see so many people posting here who have gone through almost identical experiences, to think you all must be feeling like this.

Our midwife was really good too. So empathetic and kind.

How have you found medical management? I'm not sure I can handle waiting either, especially given I still feel pregnant and no sign of anything starting.

I keep feeling like it's a horrible dream I have to wake up from.

Thanks again for your post x

I'm sorry you're going through this. Its so horrible, but 1/5 pregnancies ends in miscarriage so many women of childbearing age go through it at some time or other, which I found slightly comforting when it happened to me.

The three options you're likely to be give are:

1. Wait and let nature take its course - no time scale for this.
2. Medical management, as described above.
3. ERPC (evacuation of retained products of conception). This is a surgical procedure done under general anaesthetic and you don't feel or experience anything - you go to sleep and wake up and its all taken care of. This is the option I chose back in 2010, because I didn't want to miscarry - I just wanted it dealt with. Only you can decide which option will be right for you.

As soon as I found out I had miscarried everything seemed surreal & still does at times.

Medical management started working within 15 mins for me. I was checked by a doctor in the hospital after half an hour & then got to come home. After 2 hours I had severe period type cramps & passed a lot of blood & clots. It was painful & upsetting but once cramps stopped I felt a bit better. I was given paracetamol & codeine for pain relief but only took 2 paras & 1 codeine. The bleeding has gradually slowed down & has almost gone now. The early pregnancy unit is calling me tomorrow to check how I am & I'm hoping everything has passed.

The surgical option seems quite common too & I think it's more likely to get everything out in one go.

Go with whatever option feels best for you. You don't have to rush your decision but I just wanted to get it started. I'm struggling a lot more with the emotional side of things at the moment. I never really thought about this side of pregnancy before Monday & am also startled to find out just how frequently this happens.

My Mum said to me when you feel overwhelmed & like you can't bear the sadness that you will come out the other side & feel better. I'm impatient to feel 'normal' again but don't think I've ever cried so much.xxx

I'm not sure I can face a GA - I'm a bit scared of them and would rather not have a day in hospital. I just wish the Dr would call so we can at least explore our options properly.

I knew about mmc but it has hit me really hard that on the day I thought I'd be excited and telling everyone I was pregnant I'm instead in tears with my tiny baby dead inside me.

I got some comfort weirdly by seeing the baby on the screen which many women going through miscarriage wouldn't.

I'm starting to feel a bit self pitying. I went through weeks of feeling like shit and my poor DH picking up the slack on days I could barely get out of bed, for nothing.

But equally I realise I'm also extremely lucky to already have a little boy, and a kind DH, and family who care.

I mean lots of women wouldn't get to see their babies as opposed to not get comfort BTW.

Work I got comfort from seeing my 9wk baby on the screen even though there was no heartbeat - I should have been 12 weeks too.

I had an ERPC under a general. Never had a GA before but it was really fine. I felt better once it was over as I didn't want to go through possibly weeks of bleed ing etc.

Have a look at this thread as it's reallt helped a lot of us through this sad time...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/2327423-Headwreck-Hope-Support-for-those-who-are-might-be-experiencing-MMC-MC-early-pregnancy-loss?

Poor you. I would def say have erpc. It really is a minor procedure and then it's over- I found it totally painless. A friend who had medical management had pain and continued bleeding. She then had to have an erpc anyway. Best wishes

So sorry you're going through this, my last pregnancy ended in this way too. I went for medical management in the hospital, they were very kind to me and it wasn't painful, just crampy. I found it really reassuring having the nurses there if I felt worried, and I had a private room for me and DH to spend the day in. Although it was obviously devastating, I felt it went as well as possible, and this did help a bit with the psychological side of things.

Workadurka - I'm so very sorry that you're going through this. I had almost exactly the same experience 5 years ago and my doctor preferred the "letting nature take its course" option. I was told to go back to the hospital if it hadn't started after 7 days but it took 6 days for the bleeding to start. The bleeding was very heavy but not unbearably painful and lasted about 5 days. We were able to see the sac with the tiny baby, which was oddly comforting as well as heartbreaking and were able to bury her/him in a garden.

Whatever course you choose to go through this, know that you are in the hearts of all of us here who have trodden this course before you... and you will get through it, though with many tears. Please look after yourself and let those who love you take care of you.

I am really sorry you are going through this. I had a mmc in 2010 and it was devastating. My baby died at 7 weeks but I had no signs of miscarriage and continued to have strong pregnancy symptoms. Like you, I found out during my 12 week scan.
I opted for a ERPC because I had a natural miscarriage years before and it was the most painful thing I have ever been through and I needed an ERPC after anyway as it hadn't all come away.
The procedure is really simple. It is all done in around 30 minutes and I felt fine afterwards. I was able to go home around an hour later.

Take good care of yourself during this difficult time. X

Thank you for your messages, they're really helping me.

My husband has to go back to work tomorrow but he has Friday off. I'm a bit worried from reading some threads on here that I'll struggle looking after DS if I start to miscarry next week when he really has to work... I guess this is when I'll find out who my friends are! Unfortunately many close by have just or are about to give birth so aren't really in a position to help.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a MMC in February, I'd been spotting at five weeks and was kept an eye on for three weeks before the conclusion came. At least I had some warning, how sad to go to your scan and get that news.

I went for medical management. The emotional pain was much worse than the physical - mild contractions and then cramping. didn't feel myself passing anything, though mine was just the sac as no baby. This happened at home. I was pissing in Tupperware to monitor progress. I actually felt myself pass more physically in the next period I had. You might want to think about what is the least shit option for you. I'm glad it happened at home for me but it's not for everyone.

I'm so sorry, it's the shittest thing.

I had a MMC 13 years ago at 10 weeks (baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks) and had an ERPC the next day. My first GA but it was OK and much the best option for me.

Be kind to yourself. I don't know if it's any comfort but I was pregnant again quite soon after and he's now 12 yo. My consultant advised me to wait for one period before trying again, said there was no evidence that you need to wait any longer.

So sorry to read this. I had a natural spontaneous mc in November and then a missed mc this week. I opted for the ERPC this time (which I had this morning) as the process was very extreme last time but complete, whereas this time I felt it was likely to happen more slowly over days or weeks and I wanted to have some control over the process and some finality. I was nervous before the GA but it was over so quickly.

Everyone's situation is different and you have had a terrible shock so it is hard to make those decisions. If you decide to go for the medical rather than surgical option you can still have some control over when it happens but avoid the GA. In some ways going through the physical process of the mc helped me the first time as I sort of got all my emotions out in one go, but this time my needs were different as I was more prepared for bad news (as much as you can be) and just wanted it over.

Experiences vary greatly but you will get lots of good advice on the practicalities whichever route you choose. Good luck and all the best.

So sorry Op.

I had a MMC recently of similar term
I went down the surgical route.

I had a GA and was out same day.

A bit tender for a few days but otherwise ok.

Thinking of you

Thanks for sharing your stories.

Leaning towards GA - sounds like the anaesthetic isn't too full on, and I don't think I can handle the pain, bleeding and seeing the baby come out.

You poor thing its devastating.. Im so sorry
The same thing happened to me and I had to have a little surgical procedure to have everything removed. I was in and out in a day and that night had heavy-ish bleeding and then it eased off like a period.
Take all the time you need to recover this is really tough. Keep in mind men don't grieve the same well so dont be offended if your partner doesn't react like you ( wish someone had told me that so I could have avoided the whole he doesnt care feeling on top of everything)

I have now 2 beautiful children. Doctors told me something was probably wrong with the baby and nature took over.

I wish you all the strength in the world. The pain gets better ...

Work the GA is really easy. I'd never had one before so was nervous but they just said I'd feel like I'd had a glass of wine and the next thing I knew I was waking up ! Went home about 4 hours later and after a good sleep that night I was up and about feeling relatively normal - just tired more than anything.

When do you have to decide which option to go with ?

Hi. I'm sorry you are going through this.

I had a MMC two years ago - I hadn't even realised that there was such a thing.

I went the surgical route and agree with the earlier posters that there's minimal effect from the GA (I assume because you are not under for long).

I don't know a particular link but I have seen threads that include information on what to expect for each option you can choose.

Take care of yourself

Thanks, booked in for op tomorrow first thing.

The nurse I spoke to warned me that given age of baby the pain/ bleeding could be considerable and we have no family nearby so DH would have to look after me and DS.

I feel scared and sad but am coping well.

So very sorry.

Work ....having been through both methods It's certainly the choice Id have made myself.

Will be thinking of you

worka, just to update you I am a day on from the ERPC and the bleeding is minimal now. I have felt a little tender today and a bit tired but absolutely nothing compared to what I went through with my first mc. I was really nervous yesterday morning but it was so quick and easy.

I wish you all the best for tomorrow and know that there is such lovely support on MN for when you want to start ttc again.

I lost my baby around 10 weeks and had the operation just after 13 weeks. The cramping was quitepainful but bearable. You will need calm, a water bottle, paracetamol and you will be ok.