I don't know how to feel

[catlady1983]

I'm new to this so don't know how forums work really but I suffered a miscarriage on 23rd March and I'm not coping very well with it. I'm 32 and I was close to 12 weeks when I noticed some bleeding and went straight to the a&e who arranged for me to go to the EPU the morning after for a scan. Deep down I knew it was bad news but I tried to think positive that everything would be ok and that I was going to see my baby for the first time. At the appointment the nurse informed me that she could see the pregnancy but but there was no growth, I opted to see the screen as I couldn't grasp what I was being told and basically there was just an embryo there but I was a day away from 12 weeks pregnant, my tummy had swelled as well. I didn't really take on board what the nurse was saying I was just so heartbroken because this baby was so wanted and me and DP were over the moon (it was our first time pregnant). Anyway I was booked an appointment for the following week and warned the bleeding could worsen before then and possibly MC which I did on the Monday (23/03 and the day our 1st midwife app should have been), I've read a lot of other posts on here tonight and for other women it took days but for me the pain and severe bleeding came on all of a sudden and was over by the end of the day although I had light bleeding before and since. It was confirmed at the follow up scan that it had happened and I didn't need a d&c and given a leaflet from MC association, the nurses were wonderful and understanding btw. Since then I don't know how to feel because medically there was just an undeveloped embryo but in my head I have lost my baby who I've been picturing since I found out I was pregnant and I'm heartbroken. I found out I was pregnant early Feb but was away for work hence the late midwife appointment and all the time I was away me and DP were skyping talking about names, who the baby will take after, what they will look like etc and then all of a sudden it was all over. I'm so sorry for such a huge post but I'm struggling and I guess I just want to speak to women who know 100% the hurt and confusion I'm feeling right now. My heart goes out to all you other mummys that have been or are going through this xxx

Hi Catlady

I'm going to post some links to threads that will help.

I had a missed miscarriage at the start of April with an ERPC (D&C) last week.

It's heart breaking and lots of us understand.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/2327423-Headwreck-Hope-Support-for-those-who-are-might-be-experiencing-MMC-MC-early-pregnancy-loss?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2334512-TTC-after-MC-5?

Hi CatLady,

Firstly, I am sorry to hear of your loss. I too found out in early March that I had a suspected miscarriage at 12 weeks. It was a massive shock as like you I had been thinking of names, imagining what it would be like and had told people at work and in the family. I remember expecting to leave the scan with pictures of our little one and instead left with nothing, just felt utterly shocked and numb. I left the scan and burst into tears and felt overwhelmed.

In between the two dating scans the nhs do, I miscarried most of the pregnancy but not all and ended up having surgery on Wednesday which was terrifying but not as bad as I had initially thought.

I think it will take some time to adjust to, this was my first pregnancy too and I am worried but hopeful about our second try. I have found that talking about it with friends and family really helpful and there are lots of women on here who have had similar experiences. It is awful though, you never expect it to happen to you... From what I have read online though, the odds are hopeful for next time, so I'm trying to approach it optimistically, even if at times that feels really really hard to do!

Make sure you are well looked after, and keep talking, it helps! Xx

I am so very sorry for your loss Catlady. It happened to me a year ago. It is the grimmest, most awful thing and there is no denying that. I found out as I talked to people that it had happened to more friends than not. It was surprisingly common. I didn't find out til the scan which was at 13 weeks that baby had passed away at 8 weeks. Please just ensure you surround yourself with kind, loving family/ friends and do some nice things. You will be ok. Big hugs

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I am going through the same thing as well - our first pregnancy and very much planned. I was told to 'wait and see' over the weekend and didn't lose, I then had two lots of MMC which didn't completely work (I found it totally horrific) and last thursday I had a surgical management.

I go from numb, to heartbroken, to angry, to wanting to try again immediately - all several times a day :(

I feel dreadful but take comfort in knowing that people really do understand and sympathise - many have been through it also.

One thing - don't underestimate your partner's hurt - he will be trying to be strong for you but please cry together