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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

Need my MMC to hang on for three days and am going out of my mind.

16 replies

NorthernChinchilla · 20/03/2015 09:29

I found out on Tuesday, when I went for a slightly early private scan (should have been about 10-11 weeks) that the baby had died at 8+1.
That was appalling; so, sadly, was the initial treatment by my GP, who refused to refer me to the EPU as a I wanted a surgical and he felt 'natural' was best. I finally managed, via the receptionists, to get him to refer me, and it was confirmed yesterday.
EPU were lovely; however, there were no appointments for today, and they don't open over the weekend, so I have to wait for Monday for my op.

I think I lost a bit of my mucus plug last night, and now am in a state of terror about mc'ing as I know I won't cope. To make matters worse, owing to the time of the op, and where our DS goes to nursery, I am going to have to stay in a hotel on the Sunday night on my own so I can get to the hospital and my DP can get our son to nursery then join me.
It's a cruel reversal of the early weeks as I'm knicker spotting again...

Oh, and Google tells me today is the International Day of Happiness. Frankly the only thing that is getting me through is a small amount of vodka, and how utterly wonderful my DP is.

I just hope I make it, and wanted to post where other people sadly know about this horror.

OP posts:

beanlovesb · 20/03/2015 10:15

Hi northern, so sorry to hear your loss. I was in your position last week - had my scan last Friday and had to wait over the weekend for surgical management. I was worried it would come naturally before then too. I think the best you can do is try to find a distraction (for me it was a box set on Netflix), put your feet up and let your DP look after you. I hope Monday goes as smoothly as possible for you x

beanlovesb · 20/03/2015 10:17

oh and also just to add, in my experience there was a lot of waiting around on the day before I was seen so don't worry if your DP won't be able to check in to your appointment with you. I'm sure he will be there to hold your hand before anything actually happens x

Original poster

NorthernChinchilla · 20/03/2015 13:04

Thanks bean, so sorry you had to go through this too, but a massive comfort that someone understands this particular torture as well as the general awfulness of the MMC.
So glad to hear it worked out for you. I have just slept for three hours as I'm not sleeping at night, so that's helped get rid of some of today....

I was pretty sure that DP would get to me before the op, as this will be my 4th GA, but glad to have it confirmed.

How are you doing now?

OP posts:

beanlovesb · 20/03/2015 17:17

Physically I'm recovering, although still getting the odd pangs of pain, nothing that can't be soothed by painkillers and hot water bottles. I've felt quite fragile all week and I'm not sleeping well at night either, can't get my mind to switch off and that's when the sadness seems to hit me most. I'm debating whether or not to go back to work next week, I'm not sure I can face it yet. I've been a bit worried that the surgery wasn't complete and am hoping the pains don't turn into more bleeding/clots etc, but only because I know someone who this happened to. I've had very little bleeding since the day of my surgery though. How are you holding up this afternoon?

Original poster

NorthernChinchilla · 20/03/2015 17:52

Glad you're physically getting there; the paracetemol/ibuprofen combo should do it, unless the hospital gave you something stronger? Sounds like the person you know was extremely unlucky, but I can totally understand the 'mind racing away with the worse case scenario' situation, given my op... How are you feeling emotionally?

The insomnia is hideous isn't it; the one time you really need to sleep and heal and the mind won't. I woke at 1.30am the night before going to the EPU and that was it, just read and cried for the rest of the night.

Have felt calmer this afternoon, the knot of sick tension has died down a little; have put my feet up and watched TV (though because I'm a sad effort it's been Time Team not Nexflix...) and done very little. Think it's been helped by the fact that there's been no cramping/physical indication anything could start.

Just waiting for DP to get here, and will slump on the sofa with him and a drink.

OP posts:

Original poster

NorthernChinchilla · 20/03/2015 18:00

Just seen your thread now at the top of the first page too; am really not with it today.

On one of your points, I have told family, but no-one else knew; with work, I have had the message passed out about what has happened by two lovely colleagues. I've stated that I am happy for folks to know why I have suddenly disappeared from work, but they are to make it clear that I will not want to discuss it, nor want any sympathy from people. I won't be able to cope with that in a work setting, and will need any sharing to be on my terms.

I'll probably tell friends by text, but will avoid seeing anyone for a bit.

OP posts:

Nousername2015 · 20/03/2015 18:55

I'm so sorry to hear your news. I was told I'd had a mmc just over 2 weeks ago, I was 2 days off my dating scan when I started spotting and my pregnancy had ended 3 weeks before that. I opted for medical management in hospital but like you I found it difficult to relax during the waiting. I know it's really tough but you just have to try to relax, getting stressed may make things worse. I was running to the loo every 20 mins to check if anything was happening and it just did me no good. A lack of cramping is a good sign for you, although if you do start cramping it doesn't necessarily mean things will happen before your surgery. My thoughts are with you during this tough time x

Original poster

NorthernChinchilla · 20/03/2015 20:16

Thank you nousername, and so very sorry to hear about your loss too, and so close to the dating scan. How are you feeling two weeks on?

Am feeling a bit better now, just hope DP and I can hold it together over the next 48 hours for DS and our own sanity. I also can't begin to process how I feel about losing the pregnancy before Monday's op either, which in a way helps me in the short term but I know I will need to go through.

OP posts:

Nousername2015 · 21/03/2015 00:59

To be totally honest I feel a lot better now. I've gone back to work which was really good for me (I needed routine and distraction). Just waiting for for AF to come to start trying again, that scares me but I need to remember that the odds are still in my favour for now. I hope you are doing OK. I got a lot of comfort through writing things down, I wrote a letter to the baby, wrote a long post on here and kept writing my feelings down. For me that was the biggest help.
I really hope that you are doing OK.

Original poster

NorthernChinchilla · 21/03/2015 06:50

I think I'm going to do a little memory box, with my notes (I got booked in), the pictures, some of the flowers I've been given and will get a small item of clothing to go in there too.
Managed to get a full night's sleep which is great, but am starting to stress about how I physically feel again, the 'am I going to mc...?' bit.

Glad to hear you're feeling better, and that work helped. It's also reassuring for the future. Hope AF turns up soon and you can crack on with ttc.

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GladysTheGolem · 22/03/2015 08:00

How are you today Northen?

Original poster

NorthernChinchilla · 22/03/2015 09:42

Everything is hanging on, so it's merely making me feel ill with fear rather than actually going crazy. Starting to get nervous about tomorrow too; not the op, as I'm fine with all things surgical, just what it represents. Plus the night on my own.

Will try to stay sane being distracted by DS and a drink when necessary.

The support I'm finding on MN is a lifesaver, as this isn't something I want to chat about with family and friends, though most know.

OP posts:

GladysTheGolem · 23/03/2015 09:13

Hope last night wasn't too lonely/bad.

Thinking of you today x

Original poster

NorthernChinchilla · 23/03/2015 14:16

Am now home, op went absolutely fine. DP literally just made it to the room before they wheeled me down to theater. From then to leaving was 3 hours.
Actually feel slightly worried at how normal I feel all round, but will take it easy.

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GladysTheGolem · 23/03/2015 15:26

That's not too bad, glad you're home, hope you're not too sore.

It only ever hit me when I saw other pregnant women, I have burst into tears on a due date, which surprised me. So, potentially could be the same for you?

How long are you signed off for? X

Original poster

NorthernChinchilla · 24/03/2015 22:03

Yeah, I'm worried that it will take me by surprise. I've told work that I'm happy for people to know, but I don't want to talk about it, as that is likely to set me off.

I'm signed off for this week, but may well work from home on Friday just to clear through the mountain of e-mails that I'll have, and so that my (planned) return on Monday is not too full on.

OP posts:

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