Coping after ERPC

[beanlovesb]

I found out last Friday that I had a missed miscarriage - no heartbeat, baby measuring 7+5 but should have been closer to 9, 2 weeks after a heartbeat detected during an earlier scan.

I had bleeding throughout the pregnancy and it just didn't seem to "feel right" all along. This was my first pregnancy and I have found the whole thing absolutely devastating and such a set back. I had no idea about what happens following a miscarriage beforehand so the three agonising options were horrific news to me.

I decided on the ERPC and had the procedure earlier this week. I'm still feeling very fragile physically and occasionally very sore (is this normal?) Very scared and paranoid that there might be something left in there...

The feeling of going from being pregnant, and getting used to the idea of it just being 'me' (and my boyfriend) again has brought on such an emptiness inside. Feelings of grief are hitting me from nowhere and I just don't know when I'm going to feel like I can cope with work again. I have also just found out that friends that I used to be very close to have just announced that they are expecting and this is making it all the harder to cope with as it's so hard not to compare our situation to theirs. I'm not sure what I am expecting from posting on here really, I guess I just wanted to offload in a safe place amongst understanding people

That's rotten for you and your boyfriend. Had you been trying for a baby? The only consolation you can take is that you DID manage to get pregnant and not everyone can.

I had a missed miscarriage when I was 41 and that was after 3 years of ttc, I wasn't offered anything and had to miscarry naturally and that was awful.

With the ERPC I think it's unlikely anything will have been left behind, have they given you a follow up appointment? I remember at mine being given the anti-D (I'm resus negative) in case of future pregnancies, not necessary in my case but maybe you'll need that too.

Be easy on yourself, did you tell work why you have been off? Has your doctor suggested signing you off sick?

Hi pink,sorry to hear about your loss.

Yes we were trying, we were lucky enough to get pregnant on the third cycle so I'm desperately hoping it will happen quickly again next time. We plan to wait for one period then start again. In the meantime we plan on trying to distract ourselves with treating ourselves to a relaxing holiday and redecorating.

I don't have any follow up appointments, I was just told to take a pregnancy test in two weeks and that it should be negative by then. I don't know about the blood type thing, nothing about that was mentioned to me. I think I'm O negative, is that the same? I know the hospital will be doing tests on the fetus but they couldn't tell me exactly what they'd be investigating and I'm not even very clear on when/if I'll get the results of that. it's all just so very confusing and upsetting. everything is a blur at the moment.

work have been very understanding, and I can take as much time as I need, so that's one less thing to worry about.

I'm not sure on how much to tell my friends. It's so hard to talk about but I really want to avoid any awkward "when are you going to start trying? " type conversations. I've also read people on here saying that they felt like they should share with others as it's such a taboo subject, which can add to the upset in some ways as it can be very isolating. I feel like other people would expect us to keep it to ourselves though... it would be great to hear other people's experiences of if /how /when they confided in others

I don't think anyone will expect you to keep the news of your loss to yourself but if they didn't know you were expecting it could be difficult to raise the subject. I had to announce my loss because I was meant to fly to a family birthday party but doctor advised against it. That was a sad call telling my mum I had been pregnant but I already had (and still have) 3 healthy children so the pain was lessened by them.

Hopefully you will conceive again quickly. The problem then might be the due date of a 2nd pregnancy may be about the same as this baby's would have been due...

The resus/anti D thing is quite important. It would protect any future babies though only relevant I think if you're partner is +ve blood group. Maybe you could have a quick research online.

I'm so sorry for your loss bean it's such a horrible shock isn't it. I had an mmc 2 years ago. A few things to share: l was scared of the erpc and it wasn't painful, I had some period pains afterwards but the main after effect was feeling very very tired for about 6 weeks afterwards. Bear in mind it can be a bit of a wait at the hospital so take things to distract you if you can. Take warmage too, I was very shivery when I came out and could have done with a big snuggly jumper.

I told my friends by text, only the ones who knew, although that was quite a few as it was our second baby and we were expecting everything to go smoothly. I didn't tell many at work because I work with a fair few gossipy older ladies and didn't want to discuss unless on my terms. I wish I had told more people now, and talk about it far more openly now, as it does feel like a very difficult part of my life just wasn't acknowledged, partly because I didn't know how to myself. I've found it very healing to talk since and you'll be surprised at how many people have been affected by miscarriage. so don't hesitate to talk to people and tell them if it helps.

we were told to wait 3 months before trying but I had read that you're very fertile immediately afterwards so we took one cycle off and started again- fell 2nd month of trying, much quicker than previously. it helped me to focus on the future but it's obviously very different for different people.

I really hope everything works out OK for you. there is so much support on here, I met some truly wonderful ladies on the mc threads here so would fully recommend that.

thanks for the kind words.

pinkje I'll look into the blood type thing. I know the hospital said they would carry out tests on the fetus so maybe this is one of the things they test for? I'm also considering asking my doc to do blood tests to check my thyroid levels as thyroid issues seem to run in my family and I've read that this can cause miscarriage. It will be good to rule things out before we try again