What to do?..

[Munchakini]

We have just returned from our 8 week scan after being told there is no heartbeat. I'm so incredibly saddened by this and it has come as a bit of a shock. Tomorrow I go to the hospital to be told what my options are I guess. So far I have had no bleeding, not even spotting so my doctor is recommending a D&C. This is something I really don't want to have as a first choice unless absolutely necessary. I have no clue how to proceed. Can any of you offer any words of wisdom for this very lost mama?

Hello Munch

I'm so very very sorry for your loss. It's heartbreaking when you realise what has happened and you had no idea. You've had what is called a missed miscarriage. Where your body is still thinking it's pregnant.

I've had 3 miscarriages and my most recent one was a missed.

I had an ERPC (new d & c name) for number 3 and 2.

The reason your doctor is suggesting it is because you could stay like this for a while and you don't want that.
You can have medical management at home through pessaries and the womb will contract down and expel the contents,

You need to know that this option will be painful and potentially distressing as you will be aware of what is happening.

For me, I wasn't prepared to that. I was too frightened and the thought of passing everything simply too distressing.

I wanted to just go to sleep, wake up and everything be over. An ERPC offered that. It's a really short op. I was away from the Ward for an hour. It's under general anaesthetic so you do need to have someone take you home.

But you wake up and it's all over. No pain and v v little bleeding. You need a few days to recover but you'll need that anyway. I was off work for 4 weeks in total.

For some people having surgery and being asleep is too frightening. They prefer the cathartic feeling of passing everything. And that's ok too. It's such a personal choice.

ERPC was right for me on 2 occasions and if I needed another, I'd have one with no hesitation.

Please look after yourself. I'm so so sorry for your loss

Munch So sorry to hear your news.
I only have experience of letting things happen naturally. I found out at 10 weeks that the baby had stopped growing at 5-7 weeks and then miscarried over the next few days. This means that I could potentially have had a wait of 5 weeks if I had found out at the time. I don't know what to advise, but my experience was traumatic, painful, protracted and exhausting. It took far longer than labour and at times the pain was nearly as intense. It's not necessarily a matter of just passing one clot, but you may be passing huge blobs over a period of time and the blood loss can be quite scary (even if , like me, you are used to medically-certified heavy periods). I don't want to scare you, but want you to know that the natural method is not necessarily the best option and may lead to surgery anyway. In my case, I'll find out on friday if surgery is needed or not. I know some hospitals offer local anaesthetic for some procedures, so this may be something to explore as well.
I wish you all the best whatever you decide. Some people do have an easier experience of natural mc so I hope others may post to give you a more balanced view. Take care of yourself; don't try to tough things out but allow yourself space to come to terms with what is happening.
Brummie hope you are ok (not knowing when your last loss was). Hope you have lots of support and a successful pg soon.

I have had two early natural ones and one MVA under general for a MMC at 11+2. My hospital won't recommend medical management over 9 weeks and in my case my body had no clue I was no longer pregnant so I suspect we would have been in for a very long wait for it to happen naturally.

My advice would be to go in tomorrow and let them talk you through the options. They might offer you MVA under local, I would have elected that option but there was a two week wait. Be aware that it could take a while to MC naturally and will be very unpredictable even if medically managed. You wouldn't want to be trying to work or having sole care of a child. It could mean days being stuck in the house and you may end up seeing the pregnancy sac. Some women can cope with that but for others it's horrific and no one had warned them how graphic it can be.

I'm so so sorry for what you are going through.

I had a MMC picked up two weeks ago and opted for medical management. I will write a longer post about it all, just wanted you to know I was reading.

The Miscarriage Association really helped me, please give them a ring. They were more knowledgeable than my EPU.

I'm sorry for your experience and your loss, I had a mmc in Sept, I decided To go for the operation and put to sleep, I'm not sure what its called I just know I couldn't deal with seeing everything myself and also to do it naturally was something I assumed would take ages concidering it was a mmc and my baby was not ok for at least 2weeks and no signs for me to know anything, it was emotionally not easy at all but physically u jus get knocked out and Then wake up and uno u can jus go home and do whatever u need to do to start healing yourself

I'm sorry for what your going through I am still struglling now to be normal to feel ok and to be happy, I hope u choose what's best for you and I hope u have the right people around you in this time, I found people on here can help you when you feel at your loneliest so just remember to talk to us if u need too, it's hard to do anything or think about anything other than your baby and we all understand that So although we don't know you everyone is here for you

x

I'm so so sorry you're having to go through this. It's totally crap.

I've had 3 mcs. Two natural at 6 weeks. And the third this week at 12 weeks (the baby stopped growing at 10) I chose medical management in the end due to a major fear of general anaesthetic.
It was a very hard day emotionally and the pain was intense until I was given oramorph which was fantastic and from then on was totally manageable. I did see the baby (something I had totally not wanted to do) but actually I'm so glad now that I did. I felt like I'd said goodbye.
It's a really hard choice to make and I hope you're well supported in your decision making. Go with what your gut tells you is best for you. (And if you do choose medical management don't be afraid to ask for the drugs early)
I also found talking about it really helps (to anyone who would listen) and still am. It's sad and lonely and I'm sorry you have to go through it xxx

God I feel for you. I've had 2mcs, both "natural" which I didn't have a choice over. I honestly don't know what I'd choose, but I think I'd want it over as quickly and painlessly as possible. Thinking of you x