Still birth at 26weeks - anything I can do for my friend?

[StrikesMatches]

My gorgeous friend and her lovely husband very sadly had their beautiful baby still born yesterday. Other than being there and talking, or not, as they wish, is there anything practical I can do? I was planning to being some soups, etc, when I see her later in the week. Is an in sympathy card too much of a new baby card overlap? I'm a bit lost in how to help her through this tragedy, so any suggestions would be gratefully received.

Listening ear, huge hug and practical support (food, wine, chocolate, help with older children if she already has kids?) sounds fab.
Make a note in your diary so you remember the anniversary, and maybe her due date, a gesture at these times might be appreciated.
There is nothing you can say to make it better, don't try to find any positives along the lines of 'not meant to be', the only thing you can say is 'it is really shit and I am so sorry' Any sentence starting at least is going to be a bad idea ....
Being the person that doesn't expect her to have moved on in ten minutes would make you a good friend in my book.
If they name the baby then use the name in any card you write etc.

I'm sure she will be directed towards SANDS, but they also have a download for family and friends which you might find helpful.

Don't be scared to talk and ask about her baby.
Use her baby's name if they have named him/her.
Keep asking how they are (over a long period, people kind of forget you after a few weeks and they run out of things to say, my friends who still text me asking how I am or saying they're thinking of me mean so much)
Please get a card, I kept all mine, she might not feel she can but it helps.
Some of my wonderful friends bought and made things for my baby with the understanding it can go in her memory box or her coffin with her. I chose to keep them all.
Don't use platitudes, it won't be ok in the end and it didn't happen for a reason (the fact that you started this thread makes me think you won't anyway) o say I'm sorry or even I don't know what to say
Don't be scared of crying in front of them, it might start them off too but it shows you care. I sat and cried with my headteacher the other day.

I read a really good article the other day, I'll try and find it

stillstandingmag.com/2015/02/complete-list-dos-donts-supporting-bereaved/

This is a great article

Thanks for the advice and the article link. My friend is an incredibly private person, so I don't want to risk intruding either. I have a date in my diary for the due date and a reminder for next year. I bought a very simple "thinking of you" card which I hope I'll find some suitable words for. I'm going to try to call her this evening, even if she won't want to talk, when she feels up to it, ablest she'll see the missed call. I had started making a little gift for the baby, would it be weird to finish it and give it to her?

Not weird at all. My friend makes little charms, she made a special one for my dd1 when she arrived which was very sweet. She then made one for my dd2 when she was still born, it meant a lot to me, it was almost as if she was treating them equally.

You know your friend best, if she's private she may well not want to talk about it. I wouldn't ask too many questions but a missed call will make her feel like someone's thinking of her.

It sounds like you have an intuition s to what will be right for her, that's what will show.

It is a black time, I'm only 7 weeks on but those little things above have helped me so much.

Please don't take offence if she does distance herself for a while..
I put my friend off for ages... And then when she finally visited she started crying on my settee - quickly told her to stop before she dragged me into her crying fit ha!
I laugh about it now, but I didn't need anybody else's grief - I had enough of my own .. I needed their acknowledgment that this was the shittiest moment of my life & that my daughter would be remembered.

My other friend wrote me a lovely note & I kept all my cards & gifts. It would be lovely for her to keep that gift in her baby's memory box or to use for future children in her child's memory.
I'm so sorry that your friend has suffered this loss

Forgot to say that some really good advice has been offered on this thread..

Thank you ladies, for sharing after your own losses, I really appreciate it. I've spoken to a couple of her/our other good friends, and we're all just hoping we can bumble through well enough to help her in some way. WinterBaby, I'm actually really worried about keeping it together when I do speak to her, it was so hard even leaving a message earlier.

I'm sure you'll do brilliantly in supporting her :)
Your friend might not mind if you can't hold yourself together - sometimes it's nice to share a moment of sadness..I'd follow her lead

One of my close friends was travelling in Oz at the time (& still is) but she was incredible.. She sent flowers with the sweetest note saying that DD would never be forgotten.. She offered me the opportunity to talk about my DD whenever I need too which I've never really taken her up on but I know she's there.. She was the first person I told about this pregnancy (currently 5weeks) even before DH!!

So don't fret, you'll be wonderful..acknowledge it's shit..that you have no idea of the pain she's going through but that you'll be there to support her in anyway you can.. That their baby will be very much missed by all & will be actively remembered throughout your circle of friends, not just in the coming months but also the years to follow

Don't worry about holding it together.

I felt like I also couldn't deal with other people's grief, my mil crying on my shoulder about how it wasn't fair on us almost tipped me over into a rage. However, when talking to people quite often they've got teary or cried and I know it's for sympathy for me or for my pain rather than their grief if that makes any sense?

Bumbling through is all you can do really, I'm sure you'll be great. Main things are just acknowledge her baby (by name if they have named him/her) and avoid awful platitudes. No one wants to be told their baby's death was 'probably for the best'. I still think my corker was mil 2 days after Rose was born who said 'you'll forget about it all soon enough'. Um no, just no!

Hi all, I just wanted to come back and thank you again for your advice. I've been in touch with my friend a good bit, taking her lead and no offence when she disappears for a few days. She sent me a text last week saying it meant a lot to her that I have asked directly about her baby and talked about the terrible loss and grief. Most people have apparently been wonderful, but she said it's only friends with children who actually talk about her baby and what happened (others are immensely sympathetic in the "sorry for your loss" bit, but then change the subject and don't mention it again), so she's glad to have some of us who can be there when she needs those conversations. Baby's due date is looming, so I've a card ready to send and hopefully we'll keep on keeping on.

Thanks again and best wishes for all of you.

I'm so glad.

My friends have made my experience so much easier. I had a rough day yesterday and one came in today and and said 'I love you, I can't make it better but I made you this' she'd made me a crochet daisy broach.

Keep going with it, I may be that she starts feeling like people are forgetting now it is subsiding and life is getting back to 'normal' (it will never be normal for her)

I don't think I could put in to words just how much those wonderful friends mean to me and what they have done. I'm sure your friend couldn't either.

I wish I could say how much of a difference it makes. You are a wonderful friend x