Feeling so guilty

[temporaryname2015]

Hi all
I have wanted children for a long time. I was diagnosed with endmetriosis in 2013 , i managed to get pregnant last year but it ended in an early mc. I have got past my due date and main significent dates and have been feeling more able to move forward now and was hoping things would feel easier. I have just found out my sis in law is pregnant. I am really happy for her as she deserves all the happiness in the world. She phoned me and was very sensitive about it and even said she had been worried about telling me. I think i did well in my reaction (i was very shocked) and seemed suitibly happy and excited and made sure i congratulated her. After we had spoken it really hit me and i was very upset.

I feel just awful and guilty espically as she has major fertility issues and sufferd so many losses . I want to shake myself and i am thinking to myself come on pull yourself together stop being so selfish and get over yourself. I also need to keep quiet about it from my partner as its his sis. There is a main part of me that is really happy for them and that she will give her dc a long awaited sibling. but theres a part of me that feels so so sad that the joy thats being brought into the family wont be from me and my partner.i feel awful writing that and just want to cry. Im also really dissapointed as i thought i had made progress, well enough for a pregnancy announcement not to feel like i have been smacked in the face. :-(

It sounds like you did really well. Honestly.

The baby bombs get you when you least expect it. I agree if even part of you can be happy for them you are doing really well.

Hi Lovestfromest
Thankyou very much for your reply. I feel i reacted as well as i could and said all the right things i asked how she was feeling about it all and took time to listen to her worrys as shes has really sufferd.

Thankyou baking tins for your reply your always so helpful i have name changed you might know me on this boards and from some of the conception threads with a slightly more "urgent" sounding user name ending in last years date.

Its Comfortimg to know I sounded like i did well on the face of it even if inside it does make my heart ache. I know it means im doing well if part of me can be happy. I feel the whole of me should be happy for her though. Shes been a big support with the mc i feel she derserves no less than my full support which i feel is not going to be completly there if part of me is wallowing in self pity. I dont know if that makes any sense

At the same time she clearly understands that you are likely to have strong feelings about it, judging by her calling you and being so sensitive about the way she told you.

It really does sound like you understand each other well and are both considerate of each other's feelings. It's also OK if she knows that you are upset (what I mean is, if it comes out later on that you are emotional), because that's simply how it is. I should imagine that she really appreciates your effort to show that you're happy about her news. The fact that you have mixed feelings is neither bad nor good, it simply is what it is IYSWIM. I do think it's lovely that she seems to understand where you're coming from and that you are also wanting to give her lots of support. Give yourself a break, you sound like a fabulous SIL and I'm sure your efforts to be happy for her really made her feel good - which is what you wanted