Hospital tomorrow for medical management.

[milkandchalk]

Had our 12 week scan on Friday and we were devastated to learn that baby had died at 9 weeks. We've had a weekend full of crying and sadness. Family have all been very supportive and I feel awful and ungrateful when all I can think is I wish they'd leave us alone.

I've opted for medical management for the worst of reasons- I'm a bridesmaid at my best friends wedding in a fortnight and as I don't know when I'd naturally miscarry, I don't want it to affect her special day.

I'm booked into the ward tomorrow and I am terrified. I have never been into hospital in my life. I'm also scared that it's the same wards where they'll be doing abortions and I don't think I can bear being near people who are choosing to lose their baby. I'm scared of the pain I'm going to suffer both physically and mentally. Most of all I'm not ready to say goodbye to our precious child.

So sorry milk. Your reason for medical management is perfectly valid. I chose to wait it out after my mmc but after two weeks of nothing happening I went with medical management too. Glad I did.

Do you have to stay in after having the pessary? I was allowed home with pain relief and a nurse phoned to check on me the next day. If you have to stay in, I'm almost certain they wouldn't mix patients like you fear.

Don't pressure yourself to attend your friend's wedding. You might or might not be ready. Go easy on yourself

Hi
I had medical management yesterday also for a 9w baby, discovered at 12w scan last Wednesday.
The staff were brilliant and I didn't even see another patient, I had a side room with my own loo and they encouraged me to use the buzzer if/when I needed them. I stayed in until it was all over which was by about 6pm. I'm sure you'll be well looked after.
I completely recognise how you're feeling, it's incredibly sad. Look after yourself and be kind to yourself.
If you want full details of what happened/how I found it say, I'm happy to share but you might rather not.

So sorry milk it's a truly shitty and horrific thing to happen. I had similar happen to me and also had mm. Could you phone and request your own room before going in? Like mac I had my own room with toilet and told to pull the buzzer everytime after going to the loo and if I needed anything.
The nurses were amazing which made it all the more bearable. I stopped in overnight as I bled quite heavily (although I think it's quite rare to bleed that much). Let me know if you'd like me to go into more detail. It is very grim but I found being well prepared helped. I was only really in proper pain before I passed my baby for about half hour, then it almost stopped altogether, was just like mild period pain after but I suppose everyone is different.
Be kind to yourself, don't see people if you don't want to, put yourself first for a while. The next few weeks will be very tough, just do what you need to do.
Sorry alarox and mac for your losses also. x

thanks for your kind replies. I'd really like to know other experiences as I'd like to be as prepared as possible xxx

Well, I had a tiny bit of spotting the morning after taking the mifepristone tablet but then nothing else.
I arrived at the ward about 8.30 and a nurse checked my details and took my blood pressure, temperature etc. she said I'd have to wait then for the Dr to come and give me the pessary but I think in some hospitals the nurses can administer it. The Dr came at about 10 so there was a bit of waiting around but I sat quietly and tried to read my book but was feeling quite distracted.
When the Dr came she explained that she'd have to put the pessary quite high up so it might be a bit uncomfortable which it was, but only lasted a few seconds. I was told to lie on the bed then for an hour (so the pessary doesn't fall out I assume). After about 45 mins I felt a 'pop' in the bottom of my tummy, which was just like my waters breaking with my 2 dcs and then had a gush of fluid (I'd put a pad on already). I got up and went to loo which had a cardboard thingy in it to catch everything and had another gush of fluid which was a bit bloody and when I looked I could see the tiny baby in there. It was incredibly upsetting but also actually quite cathartic to see it and know it was real. I spent a few minutes by myself, crying and thinking and looking at it then pressed the buzzer. The nurse came in straight away and was really lovely, and took it away and told me that was everything and if my bleeding was ok I'd be able to go in an hour. I though this was a bit strange as I hadn't passed an obvious placenta or sac and from my scan the sac and placenta were measuring 13 weeks so I thoght would've been more obvious.
Lo and behold, an hour later I was about to go home and felt something was coming down, went to the loo again and had a very slight urge to push and out popped the placenta and membranes and a lot of clots. Called the nurse again who confirmed that's what it was and said again, wait and hour and if all well can go home. I asked for some pain relief at this point as it was pretty pain free until then but then I had really uncomfortable cramps.
The bleeding didn't really a settle over the next few hours so they asked he Dr to examine me - a speculum examination like having a smear test, she said there was some pregnancy tissue stuck in my cervix which she was able to remove - that was the most painful and undignified part of the whole event, but over very quickly and the bleeding settled after that. It has just been like a normal period since.
I took my own pads with me, night time maternity pads - long ones as the ones they give you in hospital are this thick ones that I tthink are pretty uncomfortable. I also took a change of pants and trousers which I did need as I flooded through a pad when the bleeding got heavy.
Somewhere along the line they brought me a jacket potato for lunch which I couldn't really eat.
I have been feeling quiet and very sad today and strange as I feel physically better than I have for weeks, then guilty for feeling pleased I feel physically well as this means I'm not pregnant anymore iyswim.
Anyway, obviously it's diffident the for everyone, but I hope that helps you know what to perhaps expect.
The thread on here about useful tips was good to read before.
Just ask if you have more questions and I hope tomorrow goes ok for you.

I just want to say that your reason for choosing medical management is perfectly valid. You are taking control of a situation where control has been taken from you.

I have no advice on medical management but I just wanted to say I'm thinking of you. I know how you feel (as much as anyone can). I had a tfmr a few weeks ago, I was and still am devastated. There are no words to describe the emotional pain. However, it will get better. I know it will.

Hi milk, sorry for your loss.
I haven't had experience of a medical miscarriage but I didn't want to read and run. I waited for mine to come naturally but I think you are doing the right thing by trying to take control over the situation. I was off work for 2 weeks and had no idea what to expect and didn't want to leave the house of anything in case anything started suddenly. The pain was actually bearable with just paracetamol and ibuprofen and when I finally passed the sac it looked like grey tissue, I didn't see a fetus or anything. I think it only freaked me out as it was bigger than I expected.
I hope it goes ok tomorrow xx

Oh Milk I'm so sorry.

I've recently had my 3rd mc but no experience in medical management as I've had a natural mc and 2 x ERPC.

I found out my baby had died at a scan as well and it's the worst feeling ever. I just wanted to say I'm so so sorry and I'm thinking of you

Firstly, I am so sorry you are going through this too. It is a truly shitty shitty thing to have to deal with. I had a natural mc last year at 12 weeks ish; I'm not going to lie it was pretty awful but I had a huge amount of comfort from being at home with my husband.

This time at 7wks I've not been so lucky, things weren't happening naturally so I had my medical management yesterday. Here you are given sublingual misoprostal tablets and sent home. They also take your bloods/bp/sats/temp etc and load you up with pain relief and antinausea meds. Unfortunately for me it doesn't seem to have worked, but I am in the minority (1 in 10 it doesn't work for). I was quite sick twice - once only about 15minutes after taking the misoprostal and all over the car. The second time was a few hours later when I was in a lot of pain (I had thrown up all of my analgesia).

Even though it hasn't worked for me, I am keen to repeat the treatment but have to wait 72 hours. I have found the nurses looking after me to be absolutely wonderful, they called to check on me yesterday afternoon and again this morning. I really hope it works next time as I want to avoid surgery.

I am sure in hospital you will be well looked after. For me, I wanted to be at home, but having inpatient treatment will mean that they can address additional pain relief if you need it. I was wailing like a banshee, rocking back and forth on the edge of a chair. I've never been through labour, but to me I imagine they were what contractions felt like. There's also the added benefit of not having to rely on your poor husband dealing with the fallout from exorcist style vomiting in the car/house/all over myself.

I found I got really really hot when the pain was bad and ended up stripping off my tight PJs, so a loose T shirt or similar might not be a bad idea. Also I have long hair, and could my poor husband find a hair tie when I needed it? Could he heck.

Once again, I hope it goes ok for you. If your nurses are as awesome as mine they will make sure you are ok. Hopefully this time next week we will both be physically back to normal, although I know it'll take longer for the emotional wounds to heal. :(

Gosh, pony what a dreadful ordeal for you. So sorry to hear what you're going through.
Brummie sorry to hear about your losses.
I am only just learning how many of us experience this and how we will carry the emotional scars forever to some extent.
Milk I hope tomorrow is as bearable for you as it can be.

Thinking of you today milk. I hope it goes as well as possible.

X

hi, i chose medical management for the same reason, needed it all to be done so i could go away the next week. Hope you're coping ok, it is not a pleasant experience and passing the embryo and placenta is really really odd (miscarriage detected at scan at 11 weeks, stopped growing at 9 weeks). Make sure you have plenty painkillers and fluids and if you are back at home and think about if you want to see the placenta and embryo. I found it incedibly sad to see it, but also made me appreciate just how far away from a baby it was- and i think that is helping me come to terms with what I've lost. It was definitely the saddest couple of days of my life, and although 5 days later i'm feeling a lot more positive, i know it'll take a long time to fully accept it. big hugs and hope you're managing ok xxxx

Thanks all for your support. I'm home now after having to stay overnight but I'm really glad to be home.

It was awful but since I knew what to expect from you guys I think it made that easier to cope.

Now to look to the future

xxx