Please help me to be more positive

[Twinklelittlestar1]

Hi all,

Please help, I'm feeling so low right now although I know I have so much to be happy and positive about.

I've always known I wanted children but through my twenties I was with a guy who convinced me that that was a very selfish thing. It sounds crazy to me now but at the time I worshiped him and it was only once I reached 32 that I decided to leave him in pursuit of all the things I wanted from life.

I'm now 35 and in a stable, loving relationship with a guy who shares the same future dreams as me. We've been together just less than a year but I recently found out that I was pregnant which was totally out of the blue. It was such a shock. But no sooner than it happened, it was whipped away again as I had a miscarriage. It's such a whirlwind of emotions.

My partner and I have discussed that we would like to try for another baby around Christmas and this makes complete sense as we will have more money and a stable living arrangement and would've had more time to enjoy one another. Although I worry about leaving it long with my age (I read all the horrid statistics)

However, a part of me is so terrified that It'll never happen again. I'm not really sure why I feel such terror when recent events have proved that we are both more than fertile. i just feel so negative about everything which is terrible when I'm in so much of a better position than many.

I'm just finding it hard to come to terms with the MC and have hope for a bright future.

I'm sorry this is a negative post, I don't mean to be so self pitying. Just wondered if anyone could help me to see that the future could be brighter.

I think if you have a look further back on some of the feeds u will see some good positive stories from people who have been here, it's not self pity it's greaving and however you feel to do that is the right way

I wrote my baby a letter , I posted it on here just so people would get to know about my baby who no one will meet

However it helps u is what u must do, the best way for me is to come on here, find people in real life who have been in this place and felt these feelings,

I also started councilling and it is working, she understand me and someone can do that for you too, it is hard to lose a baby, parents should never see there babies die no matter what age ,

This is somewhere where you can feel comfort knowing your not alone in the space that feels empty - all of us on here have that same space, some have had more time so there space isn't as big but there is still the hole, the hole in the heart will always remain but so will the love, the hole will get smaller but always be the same depth, the love will get bigger and will always grow stronger

Everyone on here is here to help each other and to help themself, don't feel any type of way to express your feelings on here - everyone helps in there own way and you might even read a comment, disguard it but then come back to it and then feel the care that came with it

We all feel this way or have done
that's one thing I have realised
it's not crazy or mad or bad or selfish to feel like this
it's normal

I'm so sorry for your loss. It is heartbreaking and you are grieving. I had a miscarriage at 34 and was totally devastated. Similar circumstances - I hadn't been trying to get pregnant. But I then spent around a year driving myself crazy, trying all kind of things to get pregnant again - acupuncture, Chinese medicine etc. I convinced myself that it wasn't possible. With the benefit of hindsight I can see now that I was grieving. It took a lot of time but eventually I got back to normal and stopped obsessing about getting pregnant. You can guess the rest. Turns out I don't have fertility issues - I had my first child at 37 and went on to have (natural) twins at 40. Be kind to yourself now and try to stay positive.

twinkle I know how you feel, I felt quite depressed after my MMC in sep and just couldn't feel positively about anything and there seemed no purpose to anything (apart from my 1yr old son but even then at times I still wanted to curl up and disappear)
I saw a counsellor who helped me see the positives and with time I started to feel more normal and actually managed to get excited/look forward to some things.

I think what you're feeling is normal and it's important to take your time to grieve (don't feel pressured to 'get back to normal')

I'd also recommend doing something to remember your baby and maybe seeing a counsellor. It can be hard to grieve when there is no process like there is usually when someone dies.

Sorry for your loss, take care x

twinkle i am so sorry for your loss. also to everyone else.

i had an mmc last year ages 29. first pregnancy too. somedays i used to wonder if life would ever be the same again. i think there is a process to grieving what you have lost. you should allow urself to go through it.

for me, how the mmc affected everyone else made me feel like i was spending too much time wallowing and nobody understood. i recently started counselling too and it is helping so much as is time.

we decided to ttc again asap (erpc 14 december) and today i seem to have got a very feint early bfp. could be nothing will test again in the morning but it does happen. i hope u ok.

Sorry for your loss. I'm 30 and I've just had my first pregnancy which unfortunately ended in miscarriage. I don't really have any wise words as I'm still recovering but wanted you to know that you're not alone here.
I'm scared about ttc again too, I got pregnant within a couple of weeks of coming off the pill so it was kind of planned but we didn't expect it to happen so quickly, however I was really happy about the idea after a few days and competely devastated once I realised I was having a miscarriage, and now all I want is to have a healthy pregnancy and healthy baby as soon as possible.
I think we're going to wait a couple of months as we have a holiday in May and it would be just horrendous if something happened again while we're away.
If you're going to wait til xmas I think it would be good to get your normal life back, enjoy going out for drinks, meals, going on holiday etc, basically just look after yourself/treat yourself for the rest of the year.
I hope you're ok, I just keep thinking about this holiday we have coming up and I hopefully will be feeling a lot more normal then so maybe keep planning little things to make you feel better and things to look forward to. Xx

I am so sorry for you all. I have just been through a mc and am heartbroken too. First pregnancy and just so dreadfully sad and scared of it happening again.