miscarriage abroad

[itsme123]

Hi,
I am posting after much debate as I just wanted to communicate with anyone who may have been in a similar situation. I have just got back from honeymoon and whilst there I suffered a miscarriage. It was, as anyone who has suffered such a thing will know a traumatic experience. I ended up having to have a blood transfusion in a foreign country where hardly anyone could speak English.
I do not know how I feel if I am honest as I did not know I was pregnant. I had taken three tests all which showed negative. I have one lo who is 15 months, and I just had one half day where I felt sick and then nothing else except lack of periods to suggest I was pregnant. I spoke to the practise nurse and she said I was probably stressed as we were doing a lot at the time (planning the wedding, moving house, overtime at work and I also had recurrence of a fairly serious illness) and that my periods would return once I was a little less stressed.
I thought all was well when I had what I thought was the start of my period a week into our honeymoon; however things were not well as 5 days later my ?period? became much more than that.
I realise I may sound na?ve and that having had a baby I should know if I was pregnant or not, but as I say, all tests showed negative and there was no tiredness etc as I had when I carried my 1st lo.

I am struggling to put everything together at the moment as I obviously blame myself for the loss. Had I known, I wouldn?t have done the things that are suggested you don?t do when you are pregnant.

itsme
It's very easy to blame yourselve afterwards. What a trauma for you-I found it hard enough having my 2nd m/c whilst on holiday in August and being flown to a hospital in an English speaking hospital. I haemhorragged as well and you really have to take it easy as even after a transfusion you will feel weak. (I lost 3 pts of blood, but no transfusion this time) and my GP said it would take about 8 weeks for my blood levels to right themselves. I had a transfusion after having DS1 (4pts) and felt incredibly drained for a long time afterwards.
Don't blame yourself, with my first m/c before I knew I was pg I went on holiday and had a small amount to drink, but won't beat myself up about it, much as I normally blame myself for everything.
Thinking of you and wishing you the best.

itsme, I'm sorry about your mc and that your honeymoon was marred in this way.

Many people have had children and not realised they were pg. Each pg is different, even in the same mother.

The mc is NOT your fault. Please remember this. It is VERY unlikely that doing anything 'non-recommended' would lead to a mc. Be very, very kind to yourself and take the time you need to recover.

I have had three mcs in total, two recently. before the first of these two, I had been feeling rather ambivalent about being pg, for various reasons, and when I mc I felt horribly guilty. But I did not cause the mc, and it was not my fault. The same is true for you. Whatever you feel is normal - allow yourself to feel it.

I also had my first m/c abroad, while I was on a business trip, and just a couple of days before my own wedding. It was identical twins (we had not known this prior to the m/c). Luckily it was in an English speaking country (Australia), and DH was with me, so that was OK, but it was still not a nice experience having all this happen in a hotel in the middle of attending an international conference with my collegues. Two days after the ERPC I flew from Australia to South Africa for my wedding, and had to generally carry on as though everything was wonderful.

I was assured a lot by the doctors in Australia that it was not anything I did wrong, and I am sure this is the same for you. I have gone on to have two further m/c's, those times I had not gone anywhere or done anything prohibited, so I know that none of them were my fault.

I was, however, very cross with the NHS about the circumstances of the first m/c. I had asked my GP repeatedly if I could have a scan before I left on my business trip and wedding trip, as I was going to be away for over three weeks, which would include the time when I was to be 12 weeks pg. I was assured I could have the scan, and the hospital was informed ( I saw the letter the GP wrote to the hospital, with URGENT written all over it and the circumstances explained), but but by the day I left I had still heard nothing (if I had known all I know now I would have arranged a private scan, but then I was not even thinking about m/c, just assuming everything would be OK).

At just over 10 weeks, in Australia, I started bleeding and found on a scan that the babies had died 4 weeks earlier. If I had known that I would of course not even been in Australia, and I would not have been bleeding and feeling terrible at my own wedding, as I could have sorted things out before I left.

I would not now ever rely on the NHS for early pg care, I am sorry to say. (I work for the NHS myself, but this is the case).

Itsme, please don't blame yourself, these things do happen whatever we do.

thank you to everyone who has posted replies and for your kind words. I send my best wishes to you all. i have been able to take some comfort from your words and experiences. I just cant help but blame myself but i am sure it is normal in such circumstances.
I had a good cry last night and thankfully i have my dh who is v supportive and my lo to cuddle extra tight.